Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    With respect to the moderators who stress that HUMAN_RELATIONS is
    not simply SEXCETERA V2.0 ... I'll add my two pennies here.
                                                               
    There are two established facts (don't ask me where, just pick up
    any paper) which are contradictory, at least on the surface.
    
    (1)  Couples tend to get settled and the physical relationship becomes
    routine and patterned as the years go by.
    
    (2)  Sex gets better as the years go by, for some couples.
    
    Seems to me the answer to the question you pose lies (pardon the
    pun) with those couples in #2.  Why does it get "better" (define
    that!) for them while others get tired?  Can it be that some people
    are expecting too much?  Can it be that some are focusing on the
    physical aspects of the relationship at the expense of the equally
    exciting and stimulating emotional and (dare I say) spiritual aspects
    of the relationship?
    
    I don't think that the solution is to try new "techniques" alone,
    if at all.  I understand that there are 47 million positions etc.
    But I think that the key to keeping the excitement is in the mind,
    which is our true center of eroticism.  What turns the mind on?
    Physical attributes?  Sure.  A loving glance in the eyes?  Sure.
    A hug when you're down.  You bet.  The list goes on and on.
    
    I don't have the answers, just bunches of related questions that
    perhaps will help stimulate (egads, another pun) lively conversation
    which may provide some.
    
    Steve

        I don't think that other partners or other techniques or other
        whatevers will get you anywhere. Whatever you do, after you've
        done it a few times it will be old, too. Routine and familiarity
        aren't something to overcome, they're things you have to value.
        To speak metaphorically, it's a lot of fun opening brightly
        wrapped presents on Christmas, but it's really more fun owning
        something beautiful and well made. New shoes look spiffy, but a
        comfortable old pair really feel a lot better. (On the whole,
        I think "well-made" is a more apt metaphor than "old shoes"
        for my own wife, but... :-)
        
        Making love with someone who knows all your nooks and crannies,
        all your preferences, and whom you know as well is the best
        kind of sex there is. But... it really only works with someone
        you love, with someone you care about.
        
        JimB.
        
        PS: Although Human_Relations isn't Sexcetera II, sex is a human
        relationship, and so long as the talk doesn't get explicit, it
        is appropriate here. 

    
    Sorry if the topic was any out of line!
                                              
    I really wasnt interested in hearing new positions and devices ...
    
    Actually Im probably most interested in hearing encouragement that
    as relationships get on in years that doesnt mean that they have
    to get overly routine.  I dont think we have any real problem now
    ... other than an ocasional envy of singles, but from what I can
    see this is something that can become a problem, and maybe it stems
    not from ones love life but from maybe actually being bored with
    your own life.  I do think that as a relationship gets older and
    more mature sex becomes better in many ways
    

    
    once again TPU has blown me out of another editing session , and
    entered what was there as a note with no title.
    
    Anyways... It seems that keeping the romance in ones life is all
    important, and lack of newness doesnt mean you cant be happy.
    I am definetly happy and content.  Just maybe getting
    cold feet when thinking about marriage (and comming up with lame
    excuses not to get married) ...  
    
    I think this is something that isnt unique however (getting too
    routine), and maybe why at times married people might envy single 
    people.
    
    ps  I probably should have said routine and not boring.
    
    paul

    
    RE:  "married people envying single people". . .  
    
    	Just being single does not mean your life is not "routine and
    boring."  I find myself envying married friends until I hear about
    their latest fight and then I'm glad I'm still single! :^)  
    
    	But my single lifestyle can be boring -- there aren't a long
    line of Knights in Shining Armor waiting to take me out dancing,
    or whatever!!  
    
    	I feel that in a relationship one key to keeping the relationship
    fresh and "un-boring" is to pursue new interests/activities together.
    (excluding sexual activity here).  I know a couple for example,
    who have been married for almost 10 years, are quite happy with
    each other.  Each time I talk with them they are involved in some
    new "adventure" -- taking dancing lessons together, flying lessons,
    skeet shooting, traveling, etc.  They are ALWAYS involved in something!
    Not that they do EVERYTHING together either, but do seem to keep
    a certain amount of "newness" to their life!
    
    	Myra

    Could it be that (in a solid relationship) physical intimacy is nothing
    more than an extension of mental, emotional, and spiritual intimacy?
    And that if the latter three are allowed to become boring, routine,
    mundane, then physical intimacy is likely to follow suit? 

    						Pat

    
                      BORING!!??
    
    Humm let's see..12 yrs - 40yrs  that's 28 years!
    
    Never once found it boring!
    I've been with my present wife for almost 10 years, and it's just
    as exciting now as the first time!
    I think it's who you're with and the quality of your relationship
    that makes the difference!
    
    So go for it!
    
    Cal
    

    
    Bad choice of words!!!! (Thats why I killed the first note!)
    
    I dont think it could be boring, maybe just too much taken for granted.
    Wich probably leads it to be too routine at times.  
    
    Actually , because of all the adrenaline (sp?) that gets created
    and flowing , its probably quite impossible to be bored.
    
    Paul

    I've hidden .12 because the author does not identify himself or
    herself.  If the author would contact me and supply their name,
    I'll be happy to un-hide it.  The note itself is innocuous, but
    I want every writer to take responsibility for what they write.
    
    			Steve