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Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Title:What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'?
Notice:Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS
Moderator:ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI
Created:Fri May 09 1986
Last Modified:Wed Jun 26 1996
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1327
Total number of notes:28298

102.0. "Know thyself!" by INFACT::MEEKSJOHNSON (Jim Meeks-Johnson) Thu Oct 16 1986 21:07

    I just found this conference recently, so I may be off base, but
    it seems to me that there is undue emphasis on "how to" relate and
    not enough consideration of what is being related.
    
    The primary relationship, that of a person to
    him/herself needs to be considered before any discussion of relating
    to another person.  Do you know yourself?  Do you accept yourself?
    You can only relate to another person to the extent to which you
    can answer yes! to these two questions.
    
    If you begin with the other person instead of yourself, then you
    get into "how to" relate, and relationship becomes manipulation instead
    of sharing.
    
    
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102.2now if I can figure out how to use this editorCADLAC::WONGThe Mad ChinamanFri Oct 17 1986 01:4450
    I've been reading too much, and not writing enough...
    
    This is a very important topic!
    
    Knowing one's self enables that person to grow and adapt to any
    situation.
    
    I have found myself in various situations where I felt angry, sad,
    depressed, et cetera.  I decided that I didn't like those feelings
    (bad for the digestion, you know...:-)) and I spent a LONG time
    thinking about what triggered those reactions.  I myself have been
    able to realize what external simulae will activate particular
    feelings.  As a result, I am able to control my reactions better;
    I don't lose my temper any where near as easy now, and so on.  I
    am less likely to be provoked to say or do something stupid.  
    
    Thinking about within is very rewarding...I find all my faults that
    way (and I've got alot!)...now that I've identified them, I can
    do something about them.  As a result, I am more content with myself.
    I believe that this helps me with my relationships with other people.
    I used to do nice things for other people so that they will like
    me.  It took me a while to figure that out, because I didn't know
    myself that well.  Nowadays, I will be nice to someone because I
    like that person, NOT in order to get that person to like me.
    
    Can I tell you a story?
    
    I'll tell you anyways...:-)
    
    There is (or was) this very lovely lady that I know (or knew) for
    whom I had the hots for.  We became good friends, went out a couple
    of times, and had lots of fun and great conversation.  After a while,
    I realized that any possible relationship (more than friends) would
    be doomed to failure because of our different personalities.  Rather
    than ruin a wonderful relationship, I decided to remain just friends
    and not pursue this lady's affections. (boring so far, isn't it?)
    
    WELL, apparently she had the good sense to arrive at the same
    conclusion and she told me so. WOW!  I was crushed!  I had already
    decided that I didn't want here, but it really hurt when she told
    me that she didn't me.  I then realized what a fragile ego I had.
    I thought about it and decided I didn't like that feeling.  I made
    a decision there to not be so sensitive about things like that.
    I told my lady friend about my feelings, and we both had a good
    laugh.  I think I grew up a little more that day...
    
    
    
    The Mad Chinaman
    
102.3TOO much of a good thingATFAB::REDDENseeking the lost illusionFri Oct 17 1986 11:4010
    It seems to me that knowing yourself better than the people around
    you know themselves could preclude a lot of potential relating.
    For instance, if I say someone is "immature", I think I mean that
    they know themselves less than I know myself.  Similarly, someone
    who knew themselves much better than I know myself might get the
    label of "too serious"
    
    I aim to know myself about as well as the people I want to relate
    to know themselves.  (Why does it seem like I have that backwards?)
    
102.4spacey thought for the day...YODA::BARANSKILead, Follow, or Get Out Of The Way!Fri Oct 17 1986 13:109
There is also the thought that each of us has people around them who are
reflections of ourselves.  We hate those who share our faults, and love those
who share our good points especially...

Some would go as far as to say that that *is* the purpose of the people around
us, and all else is the illusions that we think we have to build to make a
reality around us...

Jim. 
102.5Yes, know thyselfVAXWRK::NORDLINGERIn a GALAXY far, far awayFri Oct 17 1986 13:3814
>    For instance, if I say someone is "immature", I think I mean that
>    they know themselves less than I know myself.  Similarly, someone
>    who knew themselves much better than I know myself might get the
>    label of "too serious"

>    (Why does it seem like I have that backwards?)
    
     As you yourself have pointed out there is something wrong here. 
     It is incorrect to assume that people who know themselves much
     better than yourself should be labled "too serious". There are 
     examples of people who know themselves well and a lighthearted.
     Zen masters have a sharp wit, Mother Theresa's a caring smile 
     and Richard Feynman an comic style yet all know themselves quite
     well. 
102.8The voices converse...VLNVAX::DMCLUREPeace in the fast-laneSat Oct 18 1986 05:3312
	"...let's reply to this note!"

	"No way!  We've already revealed our presence once!"

	"Are you kidding?  The public has too short of a memory!
	they'll never remember us."


							-david
							-davo
							-superdavo