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Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Title:What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'?
Notice:Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS
Moderator:ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI
Created:Fri May 09 1986
Last Modified:Wed Jun 26 1996
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1327
Total number of notes:28298

58.0. "Well, Burst My Bubble!!!" by JUNIPR::DMCLURE (Vaxnote your way to ubiquity) Thu Sep 04 1986 19:54

	Ok, time to fess-up.  How many of you wild and wooly noters out
    there have ever managed to conjure-up a fantasy either about someone or
    something which you have encountered in the notesfiles (also including
    mail, phone, etc.) which you knew was a fantasy from day 1, but you let
    it get carried-away anyway because it seemed harmless enough?

	Of those who have had fantasies which fit this description (I doubt
    if anyone could honestly say they hadn't), how many people have since
    witnessed something that either changed or destroyed the fantasy?

	Was the experience traumatic, or were you prepared for the potential
    problems associated with mixing the fantasy with the reality?

								-davo
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58.1Well, since you ask--yes.VAXRT::CANNOYThe more you love, the more you can.Fri Sep 05 1986 02:2816
    Well, sort of.
    
    A couple of times I have "noticed" someone thru electronic media
    and been really attracted and wondered if they were really as they
    came across the terminal. Then, thru the wonders of Noters' interest
    in meeting, I met them at Noters Parties. Both times, I have been
    *really* attracted to these people, and let them know it, both thru
    MAIL first and then in person. And they were really surprised that
    I would tell them I thought they were sexy and atractive and I wanted
    to fool around with them should the opportunity arise [ ;^)].
    
    Well, we didn't end up with anything more than great sex, a small
    amount of affection, and some good times. But it was worth it! All
    in all, pretty much like a fantasy come to life.

    Tamzen
58.2QUARK::LIONELReality is frequently inaccurateFri Sep 05 1986 03:034
    Gee, Tamzen, that prods me to suggest a HUMAN_RELATIONS noters
    party - something that I had been thinking of for a little while.
    I'll start a new note on the topic.
    				Steve
58.3Tamzen Cannoy Official ELF tester.... 8-}ZEPPO::MAHLERMichaelFri Sep 05 1986 03:524
    ELF is a buzzin now....


58.4It's Mr. Bubbles!JUNIPR::DMCLUREVaxnote your way to ubiquityFri Sep 05 1986 05:1815
	Gee, maybe we should forward this conversation to something a
    little more appropriate, say..."Cold Shower Anyone?", or maybe my
    oTher note topic.

	Seriously, Tamzen, it doesn't sound like your bubble got burst
    (at least not in the sense of losing your fantasy or anything), so
    I suppose this is one example of where someone was able to bridge the
    gap between fantasy and reality.

	I'm curious to know how people who are unable (due to either their
    current romantic situation, or lack there-of) to bridge this gap, and
    how they maintain their fantasies without letting them interfere with
    their realities.

							-davo
58.5QUARK::LIONELReality is frequently inaccurateFri Sep 05 1986 05:5818
    I wonder if we could include the teenage pranksters in this...
    
    Seriously, Davo, I wonder if people who want to keep their fantasies
    only that would want to tell about it. 

    I believe it is perfectly natural to fantasize about people and
    events you read about in notes, or whatever, and I'm no exception.
    However, I'd prefer to try to make the fantasies real, and meet
    the people involved.  I've had the pleasure of meeting several
    female noters in person, and not once did I consider my bubble "burst".
    (I even met Tamzen at a party once, but we didn't get a chance to
    talk.)
    
    Fantasies are fine as long as they don't interfere with your real
    life.  But some people just aren't sure enough of themselves to
    see if their fantasy at all matches reality.
    
    				Steve
58.6Let's blow some bubblesJUNIPR::DMCLUREVaxnote your way to ubiquityFri Sep 05 1986 06:4442
re: -1,

>    I wonder if we could include the teenage pranksters in this...

	Sure, I'm kind-of new to this story.
    
>    Seriously, Davo, I wonder if people who want to keep their fantasies
>    only that would want to tell about it. 

	?

>    I'd prefer to try to make the fantasies real, and meet
>    the people involved.
>	.
>	.
>	.
>    Fantasies are fine as long as they don't interfere with your real
>    life.

	The problem is that not all fantasies are realistic, nor should they
    be.  I have a fantasy about a large room with four enourmously fat women
    (one in each corner) and my fantasy is to run and bounce off each of their
    stomachs (one at a time) like a human pinball.  Now, if you think I'm going
    to ever strive to live this out, then you're crazier than I am, but this
    doesn't mean I can't fantasize about it.

	Now, if this situation ever actually materialized itself I think I'd
    totally loose it, so maybe this isn't a very good example, but it's just
    that some fantasies are better left in fantasyland, and as we encounter
    situations in which fantasies can potentially become intermingled with
    reality, we need to know where to draw the line.

	To relate this note to the discussion going on in the "Cheating" note,
    I would say that for many people (myself included), certain fantasies (if
    realized) would be considered cheating, and as a result, are out of the
    question.  On the other hand, I reserve the right to fantasize about these
    things/people as long as my fantasizing doesn't interfere with my, or anyone
    else's reality.

	So, who wants to fantasize?

							-davo
58.7??USWAV1::MCKINNONFri Sep 05 1986 12:1417
     An interesting subject indeed. This is the first note that
I've responded to in this conference. I don't know why but....
     I have alot of fantasies and don't know if they will ever
become reality. I'm really not striving actively to make that 
happen. However, If the opportunity existed, who knows?
     Some fantasies are better being fantasies than reality. 
Sometimes people don't find this out until their fantasy is 
lived. 


Fantasies are healthy for me, It allows me to vent out urges in
lieu of getting caught at my living my fantasies. 

One of my greatest fantasies? Living out my other fantasies.

Dennis
58.8Just wonderingAPEHUB::STHILAIREFri Sep 05 1986 13:3916
    
    I can't help but wonder if when people are currently in a romantic
    relationship and they start to fantasize, if it isn't the beginning
    of the end for the real-life relationship???  Does it mean that
    the reality of the current relationship just isn't enought anymore?
     The reason I say this is because I think when I'm happy with somebody
    it just doesn't occur to me to fantasize about other people.  The
    real thing is enough.  But, in past relationship when I started
    to become disenchanted the fantasies would start up.  (And who's
    satisfied with fantasies forever?)  Times in my life when I wasn't
    involved in a real relationship, it seems I was always fantasizing
    about people.
    
    Lorna
    
    
58.9Fantasy doesn't have to be a threat.VAXRT::CANNOYThe more you love, the more you can.Fri Sep 05 1986 14:2829
    RE .8:
    
    Well, it's not true for me, Lorna, although I can see where it might be
    true for others. I use fantasy as a regular part of my sexual and
    emotional life. I could no more shut off my imagination than I could
    stop breathing. 
    
    For me, the ability to use my imagination and speculate what a
    relationship (on any level) would be like with another person is
    not a threat to my current relationship. However, for people who
    are monogamous in relationships, I can see where the fantasy might
    be a threat, particularly if one feels dissatisfied already.
    
    I am not monogamous currently and occasionally like variety in my
    sexual life, although to a much lesser degree than I fantasize
    about. There are a lot of very wonderful people I know and it's fun to
    speculate about them in a variety of situations, not just sexual. 
                      
    I guess it just depends on the person. I am also very careful to
    communicate with my partner, so that my fantasies don't threaten
    him. That may be the real key--communication. If you aren't
    communicating with your partner, then a fantasy may look much more
    attractive than it normally would. That then makes the fantasy a
    threat.
    
    You just have to keep your fantasy under control, for whatever level
    of control *you* feel comfortable with.
    
    Tamzen
58.10Leave the fantasies in fantasyland!FULTON::LEVITANFri Sep 05 1986 14:5734
    This didn't happen in Notes - but in real life.  Some time ago I
    was married to a radio newsman.  He had a very early shift and just
    hated to pull himself out of bed - especially in cold, dreary winter.
     Though we had two alarm clocks - one electric, one Big Ben, he
    still needed that nudge to get out.  It got to a point where I agreed
    to be awakened by a telephone call from an editor who came into
    the station about an hour before him.  It wasn't bad - phone would
    ring and I'd hear this gorgeous, sexy voice saying, "Good morning,
    time to kick him out of bed."  I usually mumbled o.k., gave a kick
    and rolled over and went back to sleep (after all, it was 4 a.m.)
    After a while, since the voice was soooooooo marvelous, I'd be having
    these little, harmless conversations - what's the weather doing,
    any big stories come over the wire overnight, etc.  Finally, one
    day I asked my husband what he looked like.  He mumbled - oh, sort
    of short, crew cut (we're talking the 60s), pale blue eyes, hook
    nose - nice guy but ugly as hell.  I thought he was joking - how
    could someone with a voice like that look like that?  So I waited
    a week or so - meanwhile having these nice, innocent, little 4 a.m.
    conversations - and once again said, "come on, what does he really
    look like?"  Again, this time with laughter, I got the same
    description.  A few months later, we were due to go on vacation
    and I had to drive into Boston to pick up my husband.  I walked
    into the newsroom and just as we were about to leave, my husband
    said, "Oh by the way - come over and meet Woody."  I went over,
     I met Woody.  And guess what?  You got it!  He looked exactly as
    my husband described him.  It was sort of hard having a conversation
    with this man while my husband stood behind him grinning like the
    jackass he was.
    
    Somehow those 4 a.m. conversations were never the same - and I made
    damn sure that he got out of bed before the second alarm clock went
    off and he called in to say he was on his way.
    
    Moral of story - some fantasies are better left in fantasyland.
58.11AKOV68::BOYAJIANForever On PatrolSat Sep 06 1986 11:0117
    re:.10
    
    That was a great story! I have had somewhat similar situations
    as an operator in which I'd talk to some female users on the
    phone and they'd sound very sexy, but on a couple of occasions
    when I actually met them, they weren't what I would consider
    attractive. On the other hand, at least once, the person looked
    *much* better than she sounded.
    
    I have to agree that fantasies are healthy. I have them often,
    and it doesn't bother my SO at all. She has them too, though not
    as many or as often, I think, as I do. It doesn't even bother
    here that I don't fantasize about her. The way we look at it,
    fantasies are a way of "getting" things that we can't get in
    reality.
    
    --- jerry
58.122 out of three is not bad...YODA::BARANSKINothing to Need, Hide from, or Fear...Sat Sep 06 1986 16:2712
(*sigh* so much of things I would say are a repeat of SEXCETERA *sigh*)

I find about 30% of the time when I meet a computer acquiantance the person if
extactly as I thought them, 30% of the time they are similiar but better then I
thought, and 30% of the time I am way out in left field or they are totally
opposite.

Of course, I do not think very much about the physical characteristics:  eyes,
weight, height, hair...  I usually have a vague idea of what they should look
like, but build up a good image of their personality.

Jim. 
58.14A brewer of big-budget fantasies...BACH::COCHRANEGee, this could be fun.Tue Sep 09 1986 14:599
    Interesting topic.  I've found in general that my fantasies
    were best left in fantasyland.  So far, the few times
    I've had the opportunity to turn them into reality (and
    I try not to miss an opportunity if it's feasible) they've
    been let-downs.  This, of course, is always subject to change.
    But up to this point it's been the difference between Ziegfield's
    Follies and budget-filmmaking.
    
    MM
58.15Burst Bubbles...Tom Sellick I ain'tEUCLID::LEVASSEURTell'em Large Marge Sent Ya!Tue Sep 16 1986 17:5616
    There was a time when I worked in Corporate Public Relations
    where every month I had to touch base with the various product groups
    to reconcile charges. My contact in one group was a very pleasant
    woman who I chatted with quite a bit. She often told me that I
    had a sexy voice and that she looke dforward to meeting me.
    
    Well, one day, months later she pokes her head in my office and
    in a semi-shocked/disappointed voice sighed "Yooooouuuu'rrreeee
    Raaaayyyyyy!" All I could do was say, "Expecting Tom Sellick".
    She had a mental picture of me as some kinda hairy lumberjack
    or something....ruined her whole day!
    
    Then there was a woman I dealt with over the phone who had this
    sultry/sexy voice, who wound up being as old as my mother.
    
                      Ray (who should have been an FM announcer)
58.16Spock sums it upOMEGA::KINZELMANPaul KinzelmanThu Sep 18 1986 16:582
    I think it was Spock on Star Trek that said something like,
    "Having is not nearly as wonderful as wanting"
58.17A.F.F.A.FDCV13::CALCAGNIThu Sep 18 1986 23:5221
    
    
      Sexy images...Have you ever used a C,B.?
    
    Back when they were really popular I use to talk to this woman
    who called herself greeneyes. Now she could make my socks go up
    and
    down everytime I spoke to her...Even now they'r starting to curl!
    
    Well I finally got to meet "Green Eyes"! Yep she had green eyes!
    
    Boy oh Boy.... BOW WOW !! turned out to be a very very mixed up
    person..
    
    To this day I refuse to destroy any of my fantasties by meeting
    the..VOICE...!
    
     Other than that I live out my fantasties....Go for it!
    
    Cal.
     
58.18After the showSTAR::MURPHYeven the orchestra is beautiful...Fri Sep 19 1986 16:3719
It doesn't have to do with noting or even radio, but it certainly qualifies
under "bubble bursting".  Could also go under "turn-offs: booze and
drugs".  Anyhow...

Some years ago, I did quite a bit of recording of live music performances.
On this one occasion, I was recording a band with a girl drummer.  During
the show, as I puttered around adjusting mics and mixing sound, I caught
her eye a couple of times, and we began to exchange increasingly interested
glances, etc.  Set fantasies=intense.  She was quite good looking, a
musician, and on the road.

Sure enough, when the show breaks, she strolls over to my audio setup next
to the stage.  However, I'm immediately aware that she is reeking of booze
and obviously blotto.  I mean, totally sh*t faced, and quite the worse for
it.  How she managed to play that last set I don't know (and listening to
the tapes later, I realize the rhythm is pretty sloppy.)  Anyhow, that
totalled the physical appeal, and even the possibility of an interesting
conversation was obviously shot, so it was pack up my gear and hit the
road.  I wonder if she knew what happened.  Sigh.
58.19 My deepest, most secret, day dreams RANI::HOFFMANSun Sep 28 1986 22:0118
The problem with my fantasies is that they are so unrealistic, so
far fetched... However, everyone else is so open about it, I thought
I should also come clean.

You see, my fantasies are concentrated around the basement, where I
keep the audio/video system. My biggest one is that one day, I'll get
a 40" projection monitor to replace my measly 25" console. The other
--forgive me for drooling-- concerns the Revox CD player that I can't
afford, let alone justify :-).

As far as MOOS fantasies are concerned, my wife only allows me to
conjure up Bo Derek. Unfortunately, Bo has had nothing witty to
say lately. She's not half as bright as she used to be in the past.
If this goes on, we'll have to break up. Only God --and maybe my
wife-- know what I'll do then.

-- Ron
58.20Blink and you miss something...JUNIPR::DMCLUREVaxnote your way to ubiquityMon Sep 29 1986 00:3215
re: .19,

>   The problem with my fantasies is that they are so unrealistic, so
>   far fetched...

	This is a problem?

	Hey wait a minute!  What hapenned to Raquel Welsh???  Did you
    ever see her in Myra Breckinridge?  Boy, was that witty!  Up until
    then I had thought she was just a sexy model, I had never seen a woman
    so together as she was for that role!  And Farrah Fawcett!  She was
    also in her prime for that movie!  A definate must for fantasy vivifica-
    tion!

							-davo
58.21 Farrah was busy in someone else's fantasy RANI::HOFFMANMon Sep 29 1986 20:439
>	Hey wait a minute!  What hapenned to Raquel Welsh???

Raquel objected to the notoriety of an open notefile. I asked
Bo and she said, sure, it OK, I am already pretty notorious...

BTW, did you see "Tarzan"? Now, there's real acting talent!!!

-- Ron
58.22What *was* that movie about?SQM::AITELHelllllllp Mr. Wizard!Mon Sep 29 1986 20:565
    Which Tarzan are you referring to?  I didn't think *that*
    was called talent ;-> -did any of the women watching it
    actually follow the plot line?
    
    --L
58.23You mean there was a plot line?MMO01::PNELSONlonging for TopekaMon Sep 29 1986 22:251
    
58.25I was napping by thenMMO01::PNELSONlonging for TopekaTue Sep 30 1986 03:351
   
58.26QUARK::LIONELReality is frequently inaccurateTue Sep 30 1986 12:355
    I know this is still straying from the subject... but if I were
    to pick an actress to lust - er - fantasize over, I'd pick
    Kathleen Turner over Bo, that's for sure.  Raquel isn't quite my
    type, though I'd go for her daughter, Tawnee.
    					Steve
58.27re .26: dittoSMLONE::RYANNote well!Tue Sep 30 1986 14:425
	or (if I get the name right...) Maria Conchito Alonso, who
	played Robin Williams' girlfriend in "Moscow on the Hudson" -
	she brings new meaning to the word "spunky"!
	
	Mike
58.28Raquel Rules!JUNIPR::DMCLUREVaxnote your way to ubiquityTue Sep 30 1986 16:2113
	I was serious when I said that Raquel is a good actress.  I'll
    admit that it surprised the heck out of me too, but you really have
    to see Myra Breckinridge to believe it.  This movie came out around
    1972 and was rated X or R, whatever the case - I wasn't able to see
    it then.  It wasn't until much later that I finally got a chance to
    see it on video-tape.  Excellent acting!

							-davo

 
    p.s.  By the way, if this movie came out today, it would most likely
	be rated somewhere between PG and R.