| re: 0,
Having been quoted so generously by the author of this note-topic,
I feel obligated to assist in continuing this discussion of eye-power.
Eyes are incredibly overlooked (no pun intended) by even most experts
in Communication theory. I recall a Communication class I took in college
which dealt with various levels of communication (Meta, meta-meta, meta-
meta-meta, etc.), as well as the effect that touching has upon people,
but I don't recall getting too deeply into perhaps the most effective
form of communication - eye-contact.
From the time we are born, we (that are lucky enough to see) are
taking everything in with our eyes. Anyone recall seeing a baby who
had anything but bright wide-open bug-eyes (when they weren't teared-
over from crying), and who wasn't intensely watching anything interesting?
Probably not. There comes a time in everyone's life, however, when
a person's defenses take over and those bright wide-open bug-eyes become
much more squinted and shaded by frowns or sceptical expressions. Sun-
glasses merely offer a form of camouflage for one's eye-weapons.
After having been trained "not to stare" for so many years, combined
with learning the hard way a few times when you did anyway, I think it's
easy to see why people are conditioned not to stare (especially not into
someone else's eyes). This is where the "if looks could kill..." phrase
comes from; stares have a very similar meaning across cultures, as well
as across species. If you want to make an animal extremely nervous,
simply stare at it with a contorted facial expression for awhile.
I think eyes can be equally used as a positive force, but many people
are too busy being on-guard out of habit to make use of their eyes in
this way. Obviously, when eyes do make the right kind of contact, then
the results are quite satisfying! Unfortunately, being hesitant with one's
eyes at the very beginning of an encounter usually indicates an uneasy
sense about the encounter, and tends to eliminate anything meaningful
happening as a result of the encounter (unless this is interpreted as
a sort of shy innocence - in which case it may prove fruitful).
-DAV0
|
| I agree on the "Eyes having it!" There are some poeple who's
eyes you can ignore and oithers that rivet people. A few years
back I hung around withe a guy who had the most hypnotic eyes.
Wherever we went he had people eating out of his hand by just
looking at them. Ha had the kind of eyes that you just could not
take your own off of.
Some friends rell me I have angry piercing eyes, I cannot see
it myself. If you look carefully you can see the pain in the eyes
of someone who's had a hard life.
Eye contact is another thing. I was active in a self help week
end seminar and one littel exercise was for the group of 55-60 to
just wander around the conference room and actively not notice any-
one else. As time went on we were told in stages to look at more
and more of our surroundings and to start making casual eye contact.
Toward the end of the exercise we were told to now pick out one
or two people and look intently at them as if there was a deep
sexual desire. About 1/3 of the group freaked out and refused to
carry on any further. After the exercise we broke up into groups
and talked about how we felt. Many felt very uneasy having someone
state at them, felt their privacy had been violated.
Here's a little thing that you can use to tell if someone is
really glad to see you. in Desmond Morris's book, "Manwatching"
he mentions that in all cultures when two friends, lovers, etc
approach each other, if they're happy to see the other person
there will be an uncontrolled/unconscious brief raise of the
eyebrows. An almost unnoticable look of surprise. I've observed
this and it is correct.
Even in interviewing, good eye contact is important in
establishing interest on both people's parts. How many of you
have been on interviews where the interviewer, was more inter-
ested in the wall, floor or his/her watch than looking you in
the face. Didn't leave ya feeling too wanted huh!
Ray
|
| In the book "Influencing with Integrity", Genie Laborde gives a number
of specific things to look for in eye behavior - for instance, the
direction in which the gaze is deflected suggests the type of cognitive
representation system that exists behind the eyes. Kinda mechanistic,
but good stuff is left when you take the mechanism out.
|
| Re: .2
I know just what you mean about someone having hypnotizing eyes.
I am currently dating someone who has the most incredible eyes,
they seem to be able to look right into my soul. I find it very
hard to look away when I make eye contact with him, its like falling
into an icy-blue pond. Of course his eyes aren't the only reason
I'm attracted to him, but they do seem to have a hypnotizing effect
on me. I certainly have to agree that "the eyes have it".
Debbie
|