Conference bookie::movies

211.0. "Texas Across the River" by DSSDEV::RUST () Tue Jun 08 1993 18:43

    Caught this one last night; something of a campy Western, which felt a
    lot like "Rocky and Bullwinkle join F Troop". It starts out in a
    mansion in the Old South, in which a wedding is about to take place
    between the daughter of the family and a Spanish aristocrat (played by
    Alain Delon at his youthful prettiest - a little pouty for my taste,
    but I have to admit, he was beautiful). But All Is Not Well; it seems
    the lady had promised her hand to another, or given that impression
    anyway, and the erstwhile suitor arrives at the head of a troop of
    cavalry, determined to win the lady back. Amid the ensuing confusion,
    the suitor falls out of a window to his untimely death, leaving the
    Spanish duke in a very awkward position - stay and be hanged, or
    run for the hills. [He runs.] 
    
    The dead man's companions, led by Peter Graves (bravely attempting a
    southern accent, for the first few scenes anyway - he (wisely, I
    thought) gave it up as the movie went on), set out in pursuit, and the
    action shifts to...
    
    ...the wild west, of course. Dean Martin and his faithful Indian
    sidekick Joey Bishop (completely deadpan the whole time) are trying to
    figure out how to fool some sharpshooters into riding shotgun with them
    on a foray through Commanche territory. No luck - until they spot our
    young Spanish fugitive (whose "Wanted" posters have somehow gotten here
    before he did). A little trickery later, and we're off across the
    desert, to encounter savage Indians (most of them have good reason to
    be savage; the chief, played - in an ironic casting coup - by Michael
    Ansara, keeps favoring his utterly incompentent son over the other
    braves, with disastrous consequences), even more savage Texas longhorns
    (giving Delon a chance to take his shirt off), and the inevitable love
    interests (the southern belle shows up and catches Deano's eye, while a
    lovely young Commanche woman gets herself rescued by Delon and attaches
    herself to him in the classic movie tradition). And from there the plot
    develops about like you'd expect it would.
    
    The whole thing's very silly, and the silliness is enhanced by the
    sound track, which skips blithely from clip to clip with little regard
    for transitions. When the cavalry is chasing Delon back and forth
    through the wilderness, their charges are accompanied by a motley
    assortment of music - Sousa marches, "The Farmer in the Dell," whatever
    came to mind. And in one classic scene, the cavalry charges into town
    hot on Delon's heels, riding right through a departing band of
    Commanche, and galloping past the townsfolk who've been standing there
    waiting to celebrate statehood... The crowd gave one of those
    half-hearted cheers that "Rocky and Bullwinkle" were famous for, and I
    swear I saw some cartoon dust settle as the last of the horses went by.
    
    Cute. Definitely cute.
    
    -b

    One of the best scenes in this movie was the shootout... Joey Bishop
    never looks just shoots.. and 3 indians fall.. he shoots again, without
    looking, and the SAME 3 indians fall.. he finally runs out of bullets
    and throws the gun... the same 3 indians fall!!!
    
    What a riot!!!
    
    
    I remember seeing this in the theater, with my sister.  She had just
    bought a pair of shoes.. and proceeded to beat the box all to heck, she
    was laughing so hard!!!!
    
    Typical B Western, played as a B western!!!!!
    
    I loved it!
    
    M-L
                        

    Deano gets shot in the butt with an arrow, as I recall...
    
    Joey Bishop never had anything BUT a deadpan...