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Conference noted::sf

Title:Arcana Caelestia
Notice:Directory listings are in topic 2
Moderator:NETRIX::thomas
Created:Thu Dec 08 1983
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1300
Total number of notes:18728

240.0. ""Totally Ugly Dogs" (bad SF novels)" by PEN::KALLIS () Fri Jul 19 1985 13:33

	A movie reviewer once praisrd a really terrible film by saying
that it was *so* bad, that like a totally ugly dog, it was lovable.
To a certain extent, the same thing is true of really terrible science
fiction (or fantasy -- but it's a bit easier to spot in SF).  Does anyone
have nominations for SF book (or possible stories) *written professionally
and published* (to differentiate from Fan Efforts) that fall into that
category?

My nomination:

KINSMEN OF THE DRAGON, by Stanley Mullin.  This book is _so_ bad it's a
total delight.  Written shortly after World War II, the book steals un-
ashamedly from A. Merritt (specifically, _Creep, Shadow, Creep_, H. P.
[oops; forgot to close the paren: should be after the last Creep) Love-
craft (primarily _At the Mountains of Madness_, but with a sort of side-
long glance at _Herbert West, Reanimator!_) and several others.  The 
story is confused, goes off on all sots of tangents, and takes hudreds
of pages to advance the plot.

It's _very_ funny, though it wasn't intended to be.

Long out of print, one or another library night still have a copy hidden
away on their back shelves.  And in the larger big cities, there are
always used bookstores.

the cover is by Hannes Bok, who told me he never read the book, which
is why the events depicted have only a tangential relationship to the
text ("They told me there were druids involved, so I put a druid in 
the scene," he said; however, there's a dragon on the cover, and none
appears in the text).

Steve Kallis, Jr.
T.RTitleUserPersonal
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240.1NACHO::CONLIFFEFri Jul 19 1985 18:2917
THank you, Steve, for the opportunity.

My nomination for Ugly Dog is "LIFEFORCE", formerly published as "The SPACE
VAMPIRES" which should tell you everything.

The book (whose author I have mercifully forgottern) is probably the worst
example of SF writing I have seen since Harlan got writer's block.

The plot is weak, the character development minimal and the ending is
a complete deus ex machina cop out. The only charm in reading it is in
seeing if it gets any worse.

If the movie is close to the book, then the movie will be showing up on
Commander USAs Groovie Movie any Saturday now (I think it would be too bad
for Elvira's Movie Macabre).

Nigel
240.2AKOV68::BOYAJIANSat Jul 20 1985 05:256
I beg to differ, Nigel. *I* liked THE SPACE VAMPIRES when it first came out
10 years ago, and I liked it again when I reread it just the other week.

BTW, it's by Colin Wilson.

--- jerry
240.3PEN::KALLISMon Jul 22 1985 13:2210
Okay, all -- however, please note I wasn't looking for a "so bad" book but
one that's "so bad it's fun."  For instance, in my nominee (KINSMEN OF THE
DRAGON) our hero is rescued from imprisonment in the dark by someone who
loosens his bonds and leads him away.  On the way, the rescuer passes him
a bottle, still in the dark, still without a word being spoken.  The hero
gulps it down; fortunately for him, it turns out to be brandy, but it could
have been anything, including Liquid Plum'r.  *That* kind of scene is what
makes a Totally Ugly Dog charming ....

Steve Kallis, Jr.
240.4TOPDOC::SAMPATHMon Jul 22 1985 22:104
What does deus ex machina mean?

Sampath.

240.5AKOV68::BOYAJIANTue Jul 23 1985 06:3111
Translated directly, it means "God as machine". It's used to describe
situations in which a solution to the problem comes out of left field,
akin to solving the problem with "and then a miracle happened..."

An good example that you might be familiar with is the STAR TREK episode
"Charlie X", in which the problem (Charlie) is dealt with by having the
Thalosian appear at the end and whisk Charlie away. Add to this the
solution to Yeoman Rand's being zapped away by Charlie, which was that
the Thalosian was able to undo any death that Charlie caused directly.

--- jerry
240.6SERF::POWERSTue Jul 23 1985 13:3911
A more literal (and perhaps classical) interpretation is from the
literal Latin translation "god from the machine."
As I understand, in Greek (and maybe European medieval) drama,
there actually was a stage machine, either cranked down from above
or lifted from below the stage, from which the god would appear to perform
the miracle required to resolve the plot.
Lots of versions apply in literature, including introducing a new character
or new motive in the last three pages of a murder mystery to solve the crime
in a way the reader was not privy to.

- tom]
240.7PEN::KALLISTue Jul 23 1985 17:1928
re .4,.5,.6

Another literary name that's sometimes used is "rabbit out of the hat," 
referring to something that (like the stage magician's rabbit) is nowhere
visible before it's introduced.  The slight difference is that in a mur-
der mystery or equivalent, the author can stand between the audience and
the Relevant Fact such as one story where the protagonist reads a labor-
atory report on a sample he picked up at the Scene and said, "The contents
of the report cleared up a lot," in first-person narrative, without telling
the reader what the content was until The Solution; in a _deus ex machina_
not even *that* is generally done.

One form of "rabbit" appears occasionally in van Vogt stories.  In _Slan_
and the _Weapon Shops_ series, the leader was heading both sides (the hu-
mans and the slans on one, the Weapon Shops and the royal family in the
other).  In _Slan_ in particular, the relevation was kept until nearly
the last chapter; something of the sort also happened towards the close
of _The World of Null-A_.  However van Vogt wrote well enough so that
the reader wouldn't gag on it as he or she swallowed it.

A _deus ex machina_ is often used in bad writing (in KINSMEN OF THE
DRAGON, the heroine, who apparently had more than one body(?), suddenly
and totally unexpectedly turned into the White Archdruid and destroyed
the villan, Franchard, who was the Black Archdruid, becoming radioactve
in the process, but that just added to the fun).  But in "Totally Ugly
Dog" writing, it takes back seat to Improbable Coincidences.

Steve Kallis, Jr.
240.8NACHO::CONLIFFETue Jul 23 1985 17:279
Well, sorry I started this digression......

In the totally ugly dogs category, I would vote for any of the early Doc Savage
stories. In many respects, they are bad stories, and yet, I enjoy reading them
very much. Doc always has the right gadget to get out of the right situation,
and always at the last minute.

Woof woof
Nigel
240.9TIGER::SCHOLZTue Aug 06 1985 21:469
I'll enter my all time dog, which is not really a book, but an entire series
of them. The "Gor" series by john norman (caps deleted on purpose). This is
(was) a series that started out with some promiss, ala Buroughs John Carter
on Mars series, and degressed to a series for macho men to put women in there
place books. i.e. Slaves and bedmates.

comments????

Ron
240.10PEN::KALLISWed Aug 07 1985 12:488
My thought of a totally ugly dos was that the book was so bad it was camp/
funny/enjoyable.  If .9 considers "macho men to put women in their place
books" in that category, then okay.  After all, that's what _The Taming of
the Shrew_ was about.  However, something like Roger Lee Vernon's [who?]
story where he describes an object as "a round, circular-like thing," seems
more in line with what I had in mind.

Steve Kallis, Jr.
240.11TIGER::SCHOLZWed Aug 07 1985 20:555
MY APOLOGIES. I OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU INTENDED AND I THEREFORE
WITHDRAW MY NOMINATION. I'LL RECONSIDER BASED ON THE GUIDELINES AND RESUBMIT
AT A LATER DATE.

RON
240.12GUIDO::RAVANThu Aug 08 1985 03:1014
Oh, I don't know; I quit reading the "Gor" books after the first half-dozen
or so, but I did overhear my husband chortling at a passage in a later one.
Must have been back on Earth, because the muscle-bound hero was accosting
(or being accosted by - doesn't matter) a sexy female (there aren't any
other kind in the "Gor" books) in an alley, and there was a bit about the
usual "Use me,  master, use me!" - while the woman was lying down next to
a dumpster! So much for heroic fantasy.

That one definitely counts as a dog. (My definition of "dogs" would include
the qualifier that the book/story should be especially amusing when read
aloud to one's friends...)

-b
  
240.13CADLAC::GOUNThu Aug 08 1985 18:3916
The worst SF novel I've ever read was something called _Armada_, by Michael
Jahn.  The "about the author" described him as a science writer for
_The_New_York_Times_.  All I can say is that the man should have known
better.

_Armada_ is an alien invasion story which attempts to capitalize on the
interest in the space shuttle program a few years back.  Throughout the
book, shuttle orbiters do so many impossible things that the plot cannot be
taken seriously.  Aliens convert thousands of people to black sludge,
presumably for nutritional purposes.  The utterly predictable climax
elicited little more than a groan from Yr. Obt. Svt.

I was too disgusted with this book to class it as "so bad it's good", but if
you're in the right sort of mood, you might.

					-- Roger
240.14GLIVET::BUFORDMon Sep 09 1985 12:5519
It was soooo bad...  (How bad was it?)  

My nomination for Great Dane of Totally Ugly Dogs is _Battlefield Earth_
by L. Ron Hubbard weighing in at 1066 pages.  If they ever made a movie of
this book, it would immediately become a shlock festive all by itself.  It
was soooo bad...  (Yes, I read all 1066 pages.  Call it a morbid fascination!) 

Johnny is a local boy Who Makes Good by obliterating the overlord's home
planet, only to have the Bankers (grey skin, gill slits, triangular teeth,
but never actually called "loan sharks")  ask for the balance of the loan
on which the Earth is the collateral.  

The above description is like calling Michelangelo's "David" a statue, but
you can get the drift.  I have no idea if the book was meant as a take-off on
space operas -- if so, it is a take-off of epic proportions; if not, it is
the masterpiece of Totally Ugly Dogs.


John B.
240.15NANDI::FEHSKENSMon Sep 09 1985 14:459
I believe it was Hubbard's intent to write something in the grand tradition
of the good old days.  I don't know if that qualifies as a "take-off".
I was prepared to dislike this novel but I ended up loving it as pure
unadulterated escapism.  In fact I just started reading it again last night.
This was one of those books "you'd love to hate, and hate to love", but
it grabbed me over my objections.  Yeah, it's a caricature.  But why should
the author's intent affect your enjoyment of it?

len.
240.16DRZEUS::WALLTue Oct 01 1985 15:4710
Speaking of the man who brought us Dianetics, has everyone seen the latest thing
he's writing?  The title eludes me for the moment, but it is the first in a
ten book series (dekology).  The ad thoughtfully defines dekology, and the
series is being billed as "The biggest science fiction dekology ever written"

I'm no Forrest J. Ackerman, but has anyone ever intentionally written a
ten book series (?)

*Sigh*
Dave Wall
240.17AKOV68::BOYAJIANWed Oct 02 1985 10:269
No, I don't think that anyone has set out to write a 10 (or more) book series.
Steven Brust had mumbled something about writing 17 books about Vlad Taltos
(one for each noble house), but figures that he'll get through maybe half a
dozen before getting tired of the whole thing.

The hubbard dekalogy is called MISSION: EARTH and is a sequel or continuation
of BATTLEFIELD EARTH.

--- jerry
240.18GLIVET::BUFORDWed Oct 02 1985 11:597
Re .16,.17:

Didn't the _Tom Swift_ series have 30 or so books?  Were they by the same
author?  What's 3 times deca???


John B.
240.19AKOV68::BOYAJIANThu Oct 03 1985 08:455
I suppose it depends on one's definitions. I don't consider the Tom Swift
books to be an anything-ology. It wasn't planned to run a specific number
of books, but simply as an open-ended series.

--- jerry
240.20SHOGUN::HEFFELMon Oct 07 1985 17:169
   The name of the Dekology is not Mission:earth.  That's the name of the
first book.  The dekology itself is called The Invasion Plan or something
like that.  

   This information courtey of SF_lovers and my husband who has seen Mission:
Earth in the stores already.  (So blame them if it's wrong!)

tlh

240.21AKOV68::BOYAJIANTue Oct 08 1985 20:1916
Alright, so it's *their* fault! :-)

Fred Pohl, in his "Pohlemic" column in the September issue of SCIENCE FICTION
CHRONICLE says of it:

"BATTLEFIELD EARTH was a clear-quill throw-a-corpse-through-the-skylight
page-turner. So is THE INVADERS PLAN, advertised as Volume One of `MISSION
EARTH, The Biggest Science Fiction Dekalog Ever Written.' (A dekalog. Oh,
my *God*.)"

I guess I'll have to look at a copy in the bookstores myself.

--- jerry

(P.S. I don't believe a lot of what I read in SFL. At least, not if it
wasn't written by me. :-))
240.22TROLL::RUDMANWed Oct 16 1985 16:2817
For what its worth, the "dekalog" MISSION EARTH starts with (1) THE
INVADERS PLAN and (2) BLACK GENESIS.  I leafed through PLAN; doesn't
read to badly.  Interesting that we are forewarned; 10 books the
size of BATTLEFIELD or PLAN means a big commitment for those who get
hooked.  If a reader takes 2-3 months to finish a book, Hubbard will 
monopolize a large percentage of one's reading time.  This may not be
desirable, especially to those of us who have backlogs we'd be hard-
pressed to cram into an 11/84 shipping crate.

I get the impression a number of volumes have been written already.
Since it will take some time to get 'em all into print, this may be
a good idea.  Fr'instance, what if he dies in the middle?  Will Golden
be available? :-)

Guess I'll wait for some reviews.

     							Don
240.23COUGAR::EDECKFri Oct 18 1985 18:039
Speaking of deka-whatevers, what about Perry Rodan?

I believe THEY are somewhere in the thousands by now.

...The kind of thing you read to take your mind off the pain in your broken

leg...Unfortunately, by volume 4, the pain is preferable...

						Ed E
240.24Dreamquest for dogPROSE::WAJENBERGThu Feb 13 1986 19:5415
    Hello.  I just discovered this file.  My nomination for Totally
    Ugly Dog is "The Dreamquest of Unknown Kadath," by H. P. Lovecraft.
    I have mixed feelings about the nomination.  Parts of it are really
    just lyrical, prettier than average, if slightly pompous idyll.
    However, HPL can't keep away from horror, and our hero is soon
    fomenting a war between the ghouls of Earth and a horde of "toad-like
    lunar blasphemies."  This gets so overdone, it's funny, and I have
    a suspicion Lovecraft intended it that way.  That might disqualify
    it for Totally Ugly Dog.
    
    HOWEVER, I once amused myself all summer with standard Lovecraft
    horror stories, all of which elicted chuckles, not shivers.  They're
    worth a kennel or so.
    
    Earl Wajenberg
240.25Star Smashers of the Galaxy Rangers.CORVUS::BARANSKINever Argue With An Idiot.Fri Feb 14 1986 15:0713
My nomination for Dog is "Star Smasher's of The Galaxy Rangers".  It is like a
slimey underhanded blow satire of the LENSMEN series.

The most promenent slime is that the two rich high school brothers, brain &
jock, fly around the universe with the cheerleader they are both fighting over,
in a converted 747, powered by "chedite", which was discovered by the brain by
subjecting some cheddar cheese from their fathers cheese factory to radiation.

Swollow that!  

My copy of the book has been through six owners, it is traditional to pawn it
off on some poor unsuspecting schmuck looking for a good book to read, after
you yourself have been supjected to it.
240.26 Star smashers isn't quite an ugly dogGRAFIX::COMEFORDTue Feb 18 1986 15:315
I would say that Star Smashers of The Galaxy Rangers doesn't qualify
as it was clearly intended to be bad (a satire). As for what it is a satire of
much closer to the Tom Swift Jr. books that I read when I was younger.
The 747 powered by Chedite sounds awful close to Tom's atomic powered
plane (the Sky Queen?). 
240.27yepMTV::FOLEYmr. mikeWed Feb 19 1986 03:036
	The Sky Queen is correct..

						mike

	(lover of Tom Swift Jr. books.. :-))
240.28Reset!PEN::KALLISThu Mar 06 1986 19:0113
    Re several preceding:
    
    Please refer to the base note.  A totally ugly dog isn't "the worst
    book ever published"; rather, it's a book whose badness is so "good"
    it's amusing.  Rather like unintentional camp.  Like Roger Lee Vernon's
    description of some onbects as "round, circular-like things," if
    we're referring to style, or, as in _Kinsmen of the Dragon_ when
    the villian Franchard tells the hero why he tried to spray him with
    machine-gun bullets, "I don't know why I did it.  Just a momentary
    impulse ...."  Those are _funny_!
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.
    
240.29Walter Koening's Buck Alice and the Actor RobotMTWAIN::KLAESNo Guts, No GalaxyTue Aug 16 1994 18:21399