Conference noted::equitation

    
    
    If anyone can tell me how to bring my files into this reply to
    original note #90 that would be a big help.  
    
    Linda
    
    

               I TOOK OMINOUS TO A HORSE SHOW 

                    by Linda McCormack

    Every horse owner thinks their horse is the most spectacular creature
    alive on earth.  Of course, they don't know, that my horse Ominous is
    THE most spectacular creature  and to prove it, I took him to a horse-
    show. If you met him, you would probably feel the same way about him
    that I do.  He was three years old at the time, and I was sixteen and
    had nothing better to do because no boy would ask me out on a date. So
    I went to the horseshow with Ominous instead and I'll never regret it,
    even though it turned into a catastrophe.  It was HIS fault, you
    understand, not MINE. 

    Everything started out just FINE.  I rode Ominous to the showgrounds
    with three other friends.  These three other friends also each thought
    that their own particular horse was the most spectacular creature on
    earth and I didn't say anything to discourage them. After all, I
    already knew that I was sitting on THE most spectacular horse and would
    soon be proving it to everyone, (Ominous included). 

    Since we did not bring our horses to the show in horse-trailers, we
    located a nice area in the pine-grove and tied them to trees.  Then we
    went about doing things that people who have entered horses in horse-
    shows do at horseshows.  We entered classes, ate at the snack bar,
    brushed our horses, had coffee at the snack bar, looked for people we
    might recognize, ate again at the snack bar, and got ready for our
    classes then went to the girl's room, stopping off at the snackbar. 

    Now during all this flurry of activity, Ominous is becoming quite
    put-out.  To start with, he is not used to being woken up so early in
    the morning and actually asked to do some work.  This does not get us
    off to such a good start and he is crabby.  Second of all, I don't
    think I mentioned that though Ominous is a "he", he is NOT a gelding,
    and he is very proud and conscious of this fact, especially after
    riding to the show with three mares in heat.  This tends to brighten up
    his crabby mood a bit, and he doesn't mind working so much now. Except
    that when we get to the pine-grove, he has to stand all by himself
    while the three mares are having a great time tied together in a group
    of trees.  Now Ominous is confused.  He is NOT having a great time and
    I can tell from the look in his eyes that he is going to voice a couple
    of complaints on the seat of my pants.  So I stay out of his way and
    return to the snackbar to eat and drink coffee, and look for people I
    recognize. 

    I don't return until an hour later and Ominous will not even look at
    me.  He is insulted by my absence, he feels discriminated against, and
    worst of all, his mane and tail are tied up in knots with rib- bons and
    he feels ridiculous.  I leave him to sulk and pout and go to the riding
    ring where two of my friends are showing their horses. Everything is
    going fine for them (and me) until I hear the loud- speaker crackle and
    sputter to life. 

LOUDSPEAKER:  If Penelope Greentree is missing her horse, she can
              claim him at the entry booth.  We repeat.... If Penelope
              Greentree is missing her horse, she can claim him at the
              entry booth.

    Everyone is laughing, including me.  Someone lost their horse.  Ha-Ha.
    Hey, wait a minute.  I'm Penelope Greentree and the horse in question
    has got to be Ominous!  So I rush up to the entry booth (making off to
    everyone else that I'm just on my way to the snack bar again), and sure
    enough, there he is.  A person that I recognize is holding him by the
    halter and waving at me.  Ominous haughtily sniffs the air and looks
    away as if he doesn't know me. 

Person:       I found Ominous wandering through the crowd.

Me:           In which direction was he heading?

Person:       I believe toward the snack-bar or it could have been the
              exit gate.

Me:           Thank you.  


    I take Ominous by his halter while he continues to pretend that he does
    not know me.  While I'm slinking across the showgrounds because most
    people nearby realize that I am claiming the lost horse, Ominous
    casually saunters alongside with newfound importance.  Little does he
    know that I am going to kill him as soon as we are hidden behind the
    shrubbery in the pine-grove.  But he is saved, for as we reach the
    grove, his class is being called and I have to hustle to get him ready
    for our "bareback equitation" class. 

    This class is exactly what it's name is.  You ride your horse in
    circles without a saddle, bareback.  With around 30 other crazy horses
    that don't know what they're doing while their riders hang onto their
    neck for dear life.  It was THEIR fault.  Ominous strode majestically
    into the ring and didn't once try to kick another horse or reach out
    and bite a rider.  He was behaving well even when the loudspeaker
    cackled, "Trot your horses please."  He trotted along minding his own
    business and I was truly convinced that he certainly was a most
    spectacular animal.  When the loudspeaker instructed us to "Canter our
    horses", I began to get worried.  Ominous has a rude habit of trying to
    eject me off his back at the canter and I have been working on this
    problem for months.  Ominous began to canter and I had everything under
    control until this gigantic animal with spots on it's rump decided to
    cut in front of us.  I decided to give up our right of way, but
    Ominous, being as stubborn as he is, would not.  This is when the
    trouble began. 

    Instead of Ominous running up and biting the spotted rump in front of
    him, or running up and biting the spotted animal's owner on the
    shoulder, Ominous decided to vent his frustration against me.  He began
    to buck at the canter, but unlike the other times, he really began to
    get into it and forgot to stop.  Around and around we went just like
    the horses at the rodeo.  Every one else seemed to suddenly realize
    that Ominous was THE spectacular horse I'd always claimed he was,
    because they cleared out of HIS way.  No matter how hard he bucked, he
    couldn't get me off.  I do remember the ring attendant opening the gate
    as we headed straight for it and we bucked right out of the show- ring
    back to the grove.  I still insist to this day that we should have won
    the bareback equitation class.  How many people do you know that could
    have remained on a horse's back BAREBACK after all this abuse? 
 




       
    

                          HAZARDS OF HORSES

                           by Linda McCormack

I have owned Ominous for 16 years and have probably encountered every
known hazard of owning him.  A lot of people seem to think this makes
me an authority on owning a horse and bombard me with questions.  To
simplify things for myself and these people who ask me these 
questions, I have written this flyer to hand to them next time they
ask.

The most commonly asked question is:  AREN'T HORSES EXPENSIVE TO KEEP?
I answer this question with a blunt:  YES.

I will expand on this topic later on in the chapter where I have work-
de out some financial tables on expenses.  For now, I will concentrate
on the second most common concern of potential horse-owners.

WHAT ABOUT THE NEIGHBORS?

There are two types of neighbors.  Friendly, and unfriendly.  Then
there are the neighbors that WERE friendly before the horse arrived
and decided to convert.  These are worse than the neighbors that were
always unfriendly because they tend to be fanatic and violent.  The
first thing they will do is approach you and complain about your
horse even before he has had a chance to do anything to offend them.
Your unfriendly neighbor is just warning you that he could become
violent when your horse does choose to do something to offend him.
Your first responsibility as a horse owner is to make certain that
you take precautions to keep your horse from offending an unfriendly
neighbor.  First, I would suggest that you put your horse's stable
as far as possible away from the unfriendly neighbors property and
in a downwind direction.  Second, I strongly recommend putting up 
fences, one around your horse and his stable and another around your
entire property to protect you from your unfriendly neighbors.

This is the reason we put fences around horses, so that they do not
trample the neighbors children and poop on their lawn.  Here is a
call I received from an unfriendly neighbor a week after Ominous
took up his living quarters in my backyard.

UNFRIENDLY NEIGHBOR:  Your horse is on my front lawn.

ME:                   IS HE!

UNFRIENDLY NEIGHBOR:  He has left hoofprints on my newly seeded loom
                      and pulled up all the petunias in my flowerbed.

ME:                   Ominous did all that?

UNFRIENDLY NEIGHBOR:  I suggest you get over here and catch him be-
                      fore I either call the police or get out my 45 magnum.

ME:                   I'll be right over.

UNFRIENDLY NEIGHBOR:  And bring a shovel while you're at it!

ARE HORSES STUPID?

A lot of people, including friendly and unfriendly neighbors, have
the preconceived notion that horses are stupid.  I think the person
that invented this preconceived notion is stupid.  Horses are smart.
Here is my reasoning.

Horses have given us the impression that they are stupid so that they
can repeatedly deceive us.  In reality, horses are smart, devious,
and sometimes dangerous animals.  I stress this point to potential
horse owners bent on purchasing a horse.  You must protect yourself
from them.

I am certain that Ominous has tried to kill me in cold blood at least
twice a day.  That adds up to 730 attempts on my life in one year by
just my horse, never mind all the unfriendly neighbors that surround
me.  But it becomes second nature for a horse owner to protect him-
self from most attempts by constantly being on his guard when near
their horse.  Here are a few tips to keep you alive long enough to
enjoy owning your horse for one week.

1.  NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR HORSE

    When you turn your back on your horse, he lets his defenses
    down and you can tell from his expression that deep down
    your horse actually hates you.  I have confirmed this fact
    by tricking Ominous.  I will turn my back and pretend that I
    am about to start doing something that I have to do with my
    back turned for a long time only to swing around real fast.
    Now what do you think I discover?  I find Ominous with his
    mouth open, teeth showing, inches from my shoulder.  He is
    suddenly in the process of yawning.  This is not what he
    had originally intended.  His original intention was to latch
    onto my shoulder and shake me silly, and eventually dead.  Like I
    said, horses are devious so don't turn your back on them.

2.  NEVER LOSE YOUR ATTENTION

    When you ride your horse, you are at a clear disadvantage.
    Because you are sitting on his back, he can do just about
    anything he wants and there's really nothing you can do to
    prevent it except to pay attention.  The minute you start
    to admire the sunset or wave to someone you know, your horse
    is going to accidentally try to rub you against a tree or
    decapitate you with a tree limb.  If you save yourself in
    time, your horse is going to pretend that he wasn't paying
    attention either.

3.  NEVER EXPECT ANY REWARD

    Because your horse doesn't like you to begin with, don't
    ever expect him to change his mind.  Everything he does will
    reflect the fact that he really doesn't like you.  Breaking
    down the fence you just built and going over to your an-
    friendly neighbor's house to trample his dog and tear up
    his lawn is aggression against you.  Your horse clearly under-
    stands this so you should to.


WHAT KIND OF HORSE SHOULD I BUY?

There are thousands of different variations.  Lots of breeds that
consist of big horses, small horses, young horses, old horses, pretty
horses, ugly horses, high spirited horses, passive horses, trained
horses, untrained horses, healthy horses, sick horses, men horses,
lady horses, you get the picture.

Here's my advice to you.  I don't think any of the above 
considerations really matter.  Basically they're all smart devious
horses that don't like you so don't be too pickey.  I don't think
your unfriendly neighbors will care what type of horse you buy
either.

ARE HORSES EXPENSIVE TO KEEP?

YES.

They are very expensive.  I have formatted some tables below to help
with figuring expenses for one year on your average 1000 lb. devious
and hateful horse.

I have not included life insurance on your own life so figure that in
as extra.  I strongly advise you to get a big policy on yourself
because in 730 attempts, you might get careless and your horse will
succeed in killing you.

GRAIN:        $ 600 year
HAY:            624 year
SHOES:          360 year
VET:            200 year (appr.)
TREATS:          50 year
VITAMINS:       120 year
    TOTAL:    2000.00 appr.

The last question a lot of people ask me is: WHAT IS OWNING A HORSE
LIKE?

I would advise them to read this entire phamplet then try a little
experiment to see if they are cut out for horse ownership.  

EXPERIMENT:

1.  Go to the bank
2.  Withdraw $2000.00 in small bills (preferably 10's and 20's)
3.  Go home
4.  Open oven and insert ALL money
5.  Turn oven to "on"
6.  Ask a family member to kick or nip you in any part of your
    anatomy.

Now you will know if you are cut out to own a horse.


    

    I enjoyed your horse tales, and especially liked the experiment
    to determine if one should own a horse ("Turn oven to 'on'."!)
    
    I think your writing needs some polishing, or re-phrasing, or
    something for it to flow a little better, but you certainly
    have the basis for some feature-type articles.  Doesn't the
    Pedlar run things like this?
    
    Sincerely,
    
    Jennie Lemire
    

    GULP! Is horse keeping that expensive in New England? What kinf
    of 1000 lbs horse do you have Linda? I own a 1000 pound Morgan here
    in Colorado and while it is known that Morgans are easy keepers
    I don't think it would cost THAT much to feed one not so easy!
    
    Here are my figures for keeping our Morgan:
    
    grain: $ 240/year. ration: 2 pounds, grain, 2 cups bran, a little
    				SOURCE supplement.
    
    hay: $ 360-400 year. based on 1 60 lbs bale every three days. Each
    			 bale costs $3.00 dollars.
    
    shoes; $300		@35.00 per shoeing/ every six weeks.
    
    vet:		@150. given no illness. just shots, tube wormings,
    			sheath cleaning, teeth floated.
    
    vitamis:		$100.00 use SOURCE and Vitaplus.
    
    treats:		$100.00 gets carrots every day at lunch time.
    
    total:		$1300.00 
    
    Of course this does not include boarding. (we keep ours at home).
    Some of the cost could be reduced. For one thing it is not clear
    that a horse needs all those vitamins and minerals unless there
    is a clear nutritional defficiency. Shoeing cost can also be
    controlled. Our horse sometimes can go 8 weeks between shoeings,
    and inthe winter could have his feet trimmed only and use no shoes.
    The treats of course are optional, but the horse sure likes those
    carrots.
    
    Anyway, in my experience horse keeping does not have to be that
    expensive unless you have to give your horse 6 to 10 lbs of grain
    per day and a bale/day. Any comments?
    

    Yep,
    
    Most of my horses are under 5 which means more grain.  Some are
    were also mares in foal (which really doesn't apply to the story).
    Also, I feed lots of hay because I am not home during the day and
    I like to keep them busy chewing hay rather than trees and fences.
    (Plus, I don't want them thinking about escaping into the neighbor's
    yard to eat THEIR grass).
    
    Linda
    
    

    		EVER HAVE A DREAM COME TRUE?
    
    
    
    
        We raise Arabians, Crabbet bloodlines, and we show them alot.
    
    At one of the shows last year on May 24, they were offering a
    
    filly for a raffle.  A purebred registered Arabian yearling filly
    
    appraised at $2,500.  During the lunch break they were supposed
   
   to raffle her off.  Well, we did our share and paid $2 for two raffle
    
    tickets to support the Northern Va. region of the Eastern Amateur
    
    Arabian Horse Show Circuit figuring we would never win.  Who ever
    
    does anyways?  
    
    	I was warming up my broodmare under saddle for the Walk Trot
    
    class for the Green Horses, and they brought out the filly to the
    
    ring.  She was a pretty bay filly, but she was hot stuff.  She walked,
    
    never touching the ground you realize, into the ring with an air

    about her that calmly said "WHAT THE ?!? AM I DOING HERE!!!"  She
    
    lounged around on the line a few times, then kicked her handler.
    
    At that time everyone started hoping that they wouldn't win her.
    
    	Over the intercom the announcer's voice could be heard, and
    
    a hush came over the crowd.  "The winner of this beautiful filly
    
    is... Edward L. Aiken.  Ed come and claim your horse!  Is ther anyone
    
    here who can claim this horse?"
    
    	I came running in with Sahsha, waving my arms up and down
    and generally freaking out my poor mare.  Then I ran out to the
    
    truck to make sure that Ed could come up and claim her.  To 
    
    describe the expression on his face on paper is impossible.  Let's
    
    just say that he looked like he wasn't extremely pleased.  I was
    
    walking on cloud nine for three days after that. 
    
    	We hauled her home next to a mare she had never seen before
    
    in a four horse stock trailer.  We found out that she had been
    
    a pasture horse for the first year of her life, and she had
    
    been halter broken for only three days.
    
    	To cut a long happy story short, the filly, "One More Nite",
    
    is great.  She is affectionately known as Prize, and she is now
    
    mine.  She can move -- she has that floating trot that the 
    
    Arabian horses are famous for -- and she has been started under
    
    harness, with yours truly training her.
    
    	She recently learned how to set up for halter classes, and I
    
    will be showing her at tweo or three shows.  I love her alot,
    
    and she represents a dream coming through.  So who says that an
    
    ionexperienced amateur trainer can't create a grand champion?
    
    I don't know who would, but I am out to disprove that theory.
    
    Sahsha, my brrodmare, was a Reserve Champion Senior Halter Mare
    
    at the Montgumery County Fair, an 'A' rated show.  Prize is my
    
    little dream, blossoming into a daydream-like reality.  My little
    
    Prize will soon be (with a little luck and lots of elbow grease)
    
    awarded her first prize.
    
    
    
    just been halter broken for three days.  She was beautiful
     
    

    It's satisfying to make someting out of (what you thought was) nothing
    that seemed to out of control..
    
    Keep at it, good luck & happy returns on the efforts.
    
                                                                 Steve
    
    
    
    

         <<< HYDRA::DISK$USERPACK02:[NOTES$LIBRARY]DAVE_BARRY.NOTE;1 >>>
                       -<  Dave Barry - Noted humorist  >-
================================================================================
Note 688.0                     HORSES AND ROMANCE                     No replies
CIMNET::RENNIE                                      111 lines  28-JUL-1991 18:19
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                      PULLING THE REINS ON ROMANCE

             by Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning columnist
           copied from The Boston Sunday Globe, July 28, 1991


        Recently, a woman I know named Michelle came into the newspaper
    office with a big ugly wound on her upper arm.  Realizing that she
    might be self-conscious about it, I said:  "Michelle, what's that
    big ugly wound on your upper arm?"  Sensitivity is the cornerstone
    of journalism.

        It turned out that Michelle had been bitten by a horse.  It
    was her own horse, and it bit her while she was trying to feed it. 
    This is a typical horse maneuver.  Horses are the opposite of
    dogs, gratitude-wise.  You give a dog something totally wretched
    to eat, such as a toad part or a wad of prechewed Dentyne, and the
    dog will henceforth view you as the Supreme Being.  It will gaze
    on you for hours with rapt adoration and lick the ground you walk
    on and try to kill the pizza-delivery person if he comes anywhere
    near you.  Whereas if you spend hours grooming a horse and lugging
    it's food and water around, the horse will be thinking:  "Should I
    chomp on this person's arm?  Or should I merely blow a couple
    gallons of horse snot into this person's hair?"

        I don't trust horses.  "Never trust an animal with feet made
    from the same material as bowling balls" is one of my mottoes.  I
    never believed those scenes in Western movies when bad guys would
    tie the hero up, and his horse would trot over and untie the knots
    with his teeth.  A real horse would size up the situation and
    stomp on the hero's feet.

        I don't blame horses for being hostile.  I myself would feel
    hostile toward somebody who was always sitting on me and yanking
    on my lips.  But what I don't get is, how come they're so popular.
    Especially with women?

        Now you're probably saying: "Dave, you're just bitter because
    in the fifth grade you had an intense crush on Susan Cartoun and
    you wrote 'Sue' on your notebook inside a heart, but the name
    inside the heart on her notebook was 'Frosty,' an imaginary horse
    that she loved much more than you, despite the fact that, if
    Frosty ever had the chance, it would have got imaginary snot in
    her hair."

        Yes, it's true that I am a little bitter about that.  Also I
    have not forgotten my first experience with a horse.  I was 9 years
    old, at a farm, and I attempted to ride a pony.  "Pony" is a
    misunderstood word.  Many young people, having grown up watching
    the "My Little Pony" cartoon show, believe that a pony is a cute
    little pastel-colored critter with a perky voice and a nurturing
    personality and a 1973 Farrah Fawcett hair style.  Whereas, in
    fact, a typical pony is the same weight as an Oldsmobile Cutlass
    Supreme, but with no controls or moral code.

        Anyway, following my sister's directions, I put my foot into
    the metal thing hanging down from the pony (technically, the
    "fetlock"), and instantly the pony, not wishing to be boarded at
    that time, trotted briskly off, with my leg attached to it.  I
    attempted to keep up by bouncing next to it on my other leg, like
    the famous Western cinematic star Hopalong Dork, but finally, in a
    feat of astonishing equestrian skill, I fell down backward and got
    dragged across the field with my head bouncing gaily behind
    amongst the cow doots.

        I could tell the pony enjoyed this immensely.  It couldn't
    wait to get back to the stable and tell the other horses via Snort
    Language.

        "You should have seen his hair!" snorted the pony.  "He'll
    need to shampoo with industrial solvents!"

        "Next time," snorted one of the older horses, "try stepping on
    him.  It's like dropping an anvil on a Hostess Twinkie."

        "And the legal authorities can't prosecute, because we're
    horses," snorted another.

        So I stayed off horses altogether until 20 years later, when I
    was courting my wife.  We were in the Rocky Mountains, and they
    had rental horses, and she wanted to ride one.  Naturally, she
    loves horses.  As a child, she used to ride a neighbor's horse
    bareback, an experience she remembers fondly even though she
    admits the horse would regularly try to decapitate her by running
    under low tree branches at 27 miles per hour.  I don't want to
    sound like a broken record here, but why is it that a woman will
    forgive homicidal behaviour in a horse, yet be highly critical of
    a man for leaving the toilet seat up?

        Anyway, I was in a Raging Hormone Courting Mode, meaning I
    would have wrestled a giant snake to impress my wife-to-be, so I
    let her talk me into getting on this rental horse.  It turned its
    head around and looked at me with one of those horse eyeballs the
    size of a mature grapefruit, and I knew instanly what it was
    thinking.  It was thinking: "Hey!  It's Hopalong Dork!"  So while
    my wife's horse trotted briskly off into the scenery, looking for
    low branches to run under, my horse just stood there, eating and
    pooping, waiting for me to put one leg on the ground so it could
    suddenly take off and drag me to Oregon.  So I sat very still,
    like one of those statue generals, only more rigid.  I'd say we
    moved about 11 feet in two hours.  Next time, I am definitely
    renting the snake.


        Fortunately, my wife's horse was unable to kill her, and we
    got married and lived happily ever after, except that she keeps
    saying that she wants us to go riding again.  I don't know what to
    do.  I think maybe tonight I'll fix her a candlelight dinner,
    give her some wine, and put on some soft, romantic music.  Then,
    when the moment is just right, I will gently but firmly bite her
    upper arm.

 Copied without permission from Colorado Cprings City Comix...


              Selling A Horse Can Be A Creative Experience
                                   by John Franklin Horn

 Last summer when we moved out here to Colorado Springs, I got my first chance
 in many years to ride a horse.  This was a very exciting experience for me
 because, even though I have ridden horses off and on since I was eight years
 old, this was the first time that I had been able to stay on my mount for
 several minutes without having to put another quarter in the little black box. 
 I love the Wild West.

 That single, semi-successful ride was all it took for me.  My wife and I
 decided to buy a couple of large, dangerous animals of our own.

 We quickly discovered that horse selling allows for a lot of imagination on
 the part of the seller.  Apparently, when you are selling a horse, you are
 allowed to say anything you want to about your old nag.

 I found that a standard Horse Seller/Horse Buyer conversation might go
 something like this:

    Seller:  "She's great with kids.  She's very gentle."
    Buyer:   "She looks gentle."
    Seller:  "She is.  She's very gentle."
    Buyer:   "Why does she just lie there?"
    Seller:  "She's calm.  Calm and gentle."
    Buyer:   "Shouldn't she at least be breathing or something?"
    Seller:  "She used to breathe a lot.  Almost too much.  But, now that
              she's...well...dead...she's even more gentle than before."
    Buyer:   "Oh."
    Seller:  "Yeah, now she's REALLY great with kids."
               
 But you don't have to actually talk to someone who is selling a horse to
 discover the creative mind of a private horse seller.  People can be very
 imaginative in print, as well.  Recently we saw an ad in the local newspaper
 which read as follows:

   GENTLE QUARTER HORSE: Great with children.  Will put on own saddle.  Does
   not eat food.  Taught Mr. Ed how to speak.  $500.00, Negotiable.  555-1234

 We are novices.  We are trusting.  We are from Florida.  We hurried up to
 Woodland Park to see him.

 First of all, he was one-quarter Quarter horse.  That's a Sixteenth Horse in
 my book!  Secondly he was not gentle at all.  My wife rode him.  She rode him
 first.  She rode him through two fences and an RV Campsite.  I was afraid she
 might be seriously hurt, or at least get a speeding ticket on I-25.

 After my wife dismounted the horse, the woman who was selling this virile
 steed said, "Wow, you're a pretty good rider.  Not many people can stay on
 'Son of Sadaam' for that long."  That sounded like a compliment to us, so we
 bought him.

 The first time I rode him into the woods near our house, he raced around some
 very large trees as if he were auditioning for a Kevin Costner movie.  After
 several minutes of loud whinnying and kicking - mostly by me- he suddenly ran
 under a very large branch which I struck with my forehead.  There was some
 serious pain involved in that maneuver, and I doubt that my form would have
 earned me many points in dressage competition.

 I decided to lay motionless for several minutes as I hemorrhaged from my
 forehead.  My horse, on the other hand, ran right home, had dinner, took a
 shower, and then went straight to bed.  Seventy stitches to my forehead
 later, I decided to put my horse on the market.  A better horseman might have
 "gotten right back on that critter" and ridden him into various other forms
 of lethal foliage.  I, on the other hand, was very grateful that I did not
 have to write this article posthumously.

 We are not selling "Son of Sadaam" because he almost killed me - that was
 probably mostly my fault.  We are really selling him because he was so
 flippant about the entire ordeal.  I strongly suspect that he had taken out
 a comprehensive life insurance policy on me and named himself as the
 beneficiary.

 But, unlike most people, when we sell our dangrous horse we do not intend to
 represent him as anything he is not.  Here is how our ad wil read:

   VIOLENT QUARTER HORSE:  Great with children of Satan.  Will unbuckle own
   saddle at full gallop.  Grazes at 25 MPH.  Taught Mr. Ed how to kick. 
   $500.00 or used neck brace.  555-4321.

 In addition, I will try to convince prospective buyers that the decorative
 mark on my forehead is just a racing stripe.

    Having lived in Colorado Springs for over 6 years, coupled with
    it being the place that I first got into horses, I can vouch
    for this article!  There's alot of 'son of sadaam's' out there.....
    
    also, since i-25 is nowhere near woodland park, i can only
    assume that ol' son was really moving....
    
    jan