Conference noted::bicycle

          Just make sure his bike has "TIRES" not "TYRES", he won't know
    what to do.

    Congratulations Matt,  you've become somewhat of a living legend!
    
    Phil

    put a 26" wheel on the front of his bike when he's not looking.  That
    will mess up his sensation of the grades.  He doesn't need his front
    brake so you don't have to worry about it not touching the rim.
    
    ed

>    put a 26" wheel on the front of his bike when he's not looking.  That
>    will mess up his sensation of the grades.  He doesn't need his front
>    brake so you don't have to worry about it not touching the rim.
    
     Oh, I thought that was what the hex-bolt was for on Delta brakes. :-)
    
     -j

The following have either been done either to or by me over the years:

1) Fill the water bottle with lead, salt water (yegh!!)
2) Loosen the water bottle holder so that ends up blocking the petals
3) Reset the derailleur so that he can't use the first two gears
4) Not recomended... Loosen the back wheel just enough so that when
   he stands up to sprint it slips.
5) Reprogram the cat's eye for a different wheel size (just a little smaller)

Looks like Matt is in for quite a trip.

Ken 

Someone filled my boss's tires with water right before a criterium many 
years back; one tire blew just as he crossed the line with a resultant 
magnificent pinwheel of water. Very Nice. :-)

    How about replacing the aero seatpost with a standard one?  That
    should slow him down some!

    Make a little drag chute that you can tuck under the saddle, then when
    you want to make a break, release his chute and go for it.
    
    :-)
    
    We love ya, Matt.
    
    ed

    Well, if you want to add a little adventure to his life import the
    regular crew from the Wells avenue Sunday morning crits back in Newton,
    MA.  These regular events are more often known as the chariot races, or
    rollerball.  It's kind of like a new england rotary at rush hour with
    more contact. Of course for full effect you should import the crew that
    races in the "advanced" citizen race.  These are the guys that are the
    real weekend warriors!  Lots of contact.  Matt probably doesn't get to
    share in this type of adventure in Italy.  I'm sure he's yearning for a
    return to Wells ave soon.
    
    Dave                        

    How about the shorts under the seat trick. This can only be done if the
    victim is not wearing suspenders or bib shorts. The way its done is 2
    riders approach Matt from behind - usually at a stop sign or traffic
    light - and rapidly pull his shorts down on the back and tuck em
    under his seat. Lotsa fun with friends or at parties - a squirt of
    water on the bare butt seems to create even more laughter.
    
                                                          Wayne V
    

     How about soaking his chain in salt water!    

	Well....Matt finally made it to Calyfornie.  We were able to get the 
use of wldwst::pollard's Cinelli for the day and get out for a ride.  Artie, 
'Bat' Buchanan and I slipped out today for a lunch time ride.  

	Overnight, a winter-type cold front move through and temperatures 
dropped drastically.  When we left the building the wind chills were in the 
low 50's.  Artie, Bat and I were scrambling for extra clothing:  gloves, 
tights, polypro, etc.  Matt came out bare-chested and ready to kick-*ss.  We 
finally convinced Matt to wear a jersey and got rolling.  

	Matt began to ask a few questions about the grinding noise in the 
bottom bracket.  Also, he wanted to know why the tires were 'squishing' like 
oatmeal.  It was actually hard to hear that, because the chain was squeaking 
loudly from the salt water.  

	We rolled out and did the normal three or four miles of pace-line warm
up.  As we headed into a three mile stretch of 2-4% grade, our pace dropped to 
about 20 mph and Matt kept yelling "Cero, cero!"   Finally, I figured out that 
ment "Pull, pull" in Italian.

	Still, other than Matt's constant laughing at our weak efforts, we 
were doing fine.  Then we hit the switchbacks with the 10-12% grades.  I 
looked back and there was Matt, sitting up lighting up a cigar and talking 
about how wonderful the views were.  Enough of this bullsh*t.  Artie, Bat and 
I were out of the saddle hammering away.  We weren't about to be humiliated by 
this Italian racer.  After another minute or two of hammering, I looked back 
and Matt was right there.  He said, "Did I ever tell you about my experience 
gluing on sew-ups?"  Obviously, our tactics were failing....

	Then I remembered our final trick, lead in the water bottle!  Drink 
up, Matt!  He did...AND THAT'S HOW WE BEAT MATT TO THE TOP!

	Thank you all for such wonderful and creative ideas.  We used them all 
very effectively.  

	Matt, with friends like these.....

    	I'm real glad that all of this bike sabotage talk is a joke.  You
    would otherwise have to pay with your life (or placate me with a 
    nice 58cm Fuso track bike.)
    
    					John

    [Lately, work's been pretty intense, so I've let several bicycling
    "deliverables" slip: my California trip report, the unabridged
    Italian-English cycling glossary, this year's European race reports,
    and (worst of all) myself -- my weight's up almost 20 pounds!  I hope 
    I can make up for these slips (except the last) over the next couple of
    weeks.  (The last will take months....)]
    
    I knew I was in trouble long before I got to California.  After all, I
    can read, and practically every day during January, the "beach boys"
    (Shroyer, Pollard, and "Bat" Buchanan) were posting notes detailing
    their bikin' safaris out west.  Meanwhile, I was in deep hibernation in
    Nothern Italy, refusing to move until the temperature rose above 10C
    (~50F).  (Many days it hovered at 9 degrees, but somehow, I never made
    it to a thermometer when it was reading 10+.)  
    
    By the time I got on the plane, I looked more like an Italian opera
    singer than an Italian bike racer.  Would they think that I had just
    made everything up about climbing the alps in front of Lemond?  They
    had every right to believe I was a fraud.
    
    Meeting Gary Shroyer didn't make me feel any better.  The guy has
    "FAST" written all over him.  A Stephan Rooks look-alike, with 0.1%
    body fat, Gary is one of those Vets that strikes fear into the hearts
    of Cat 2s.  I noticed a wrinkle in his grin when we shook hands: I
    guess the predator instinct never leaves a killer cyclist.
    
    Then there was the infamous "Bat" Buchanan.  Bat's a little disarming:
    at first you think he's not serious.  But that's the way all born
    sprinters are.  Worse yet, he can pound to his heart's content in
    anything up to a 4% grade, leaving everybody else in oxygen debt.  
    
    I didn't even try to put a good face on things.  I shamelessly drafted
    almost the whole way (staying a little off the back because I had heard
    about a few too many paceline crashes from these boys).  At the end,
    sprinting between the traffic lights, they even had to wait for me.
    
    Though I was stripped of my pride, I still had plenty of fun.  Northern
    California is a fantastic place to ride.  We started West, towards the
    ocean, up the hills that rim Silicon Valley.  Our first climb, though
    (thankfully) short, reminded me of the cols (passes) in the alps:
    switchbacks, 7-12% grade, and beautiful vistas back to the valley and
    the bay.  We descended back a little further North -- it would have
    been fun, had I only known the bike I was on!  Then we hit some of the
    rolling foothills at the valley's edge, before turning back to Mountain
    View.   
    
    They place gets under your skin in no time.  Gary kept apologizing for
    how cold it was, but the weather would have been considered a heat wave 
    in New England.  He assured me that it NEVER usually gets that cold.
    The drivers were timid and polite to cyclists, especially compared to
    Boston.  There were even tons of wide shoulders and bike lanes: in
    short, bicycle heaven.
    
    The only bad part about the trip was that I didn't even get to meet
    John Pollard, who lent me his faithful Cinelli.  It behaved
    beautifully, showing that bikes haven't come all that far in the last
    15 years.  
    
    I swear I'll be back, and I swear I'll be in shape next time!

    RE: .10
    
    I regret to announce that I'll be returning to the Boston area in June.
    I've been pulled back to work on a project that's starting there, so
    my relocation's been cut short.
    
    It looks like I'll be riding Wells Ave. again all too soon!
    
    MATT

re: 15

I cut my biking teeth riding up and down the Santa Cruz mountians above Palo
Alto and Cupertino.  I have not found a better bicycling area since.  I hope
you BA bikers know what you have there and are willing to fight to preserve it. 

-Gordon-who-now-lives-in-Seattle-which-offers-some-decent-biking-when-it's-not-
raining

    
    In 1988, I had the good fortune to attend a meeting at WRL
    (Palo Alto Western Research Lab), and we stayed in Stanford.
    The biking from Stanford over some "minor" ridge to the coast
    was scenic (and aerobic!), with great views of the Pacific on
    one side, and Silicon Valley (albeit a bit haze-obscured) on
    the other.  The coastal route down to Santa Cruz is scintillating,
    and the ridge roads on the way back (paralleling the coast)
    are fine, alternating between shady woods and big open views.
    
    What facility will you be working at, Matt?  In the frostier
    moments, you are always welcome to come down and try the Blue
    Ridge - more like the Appenines (sp?) than the Alps, but
    challenging nonetheless.
    
    By the way, don't you owe us a compendium of your Italian biking
    experience, now that you are leaving?
    
    ciao,
    -john

    Matt,
    
    	Team Cicli Demori appreciates your flattering comments.  We
    like it here too.  If you can think of a pretext for another trip,
    the Cinelli will be waiting.  
    
    	Keep telling Gary how young he looks, and lay it on thick.  I want 
    him to ride with the Seniors instead of Masters so that the Batman and 
    I can get a nice leadout at the Presidio Criterium in SF two weeks
    from now.  He really should be ashamed about hanging out with the
    old geezers - shouldn't he? 

Matt's description of our ride makes it sound like there were only three of us
(Matt, Gary DRFUSO::Shroyer and me).  The fourth rider, and the first one to
crest the Col Moody Rd was Artie Alvidrez.  A read-only member of this
conference.  Artie has the potential to be a great cyclist but somehow he got
this triathlon bug.  It's so sad.

I agree, nice jerseys.

Looks like my racing career may be stalled at one race (which I didn't even
win) now that century season is just about here.  I like the longer road races
but I just can't get too excited about criteriums.  Something about the idea of 
75-100 cat 4 riders on a .6 mile course scares the hell out of me.  I was going
to do a 2 man TT but I'm having seconds thoughts there as well, but for a
different reason.  Too short at 13 miles.  Waste the whole day to race for 1/2
hour?