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Conference terri::cars_uk

Title:Cars in the UK
Notice:Please read new conference charter 1.70
Moderator:COMICS::SHELLEYELD
Created:Sun Mar 06 1994
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:2584
Total number of notes:63384

2420.0. "CARS_UK Hall of Fame" by CBHVAX::CBH (Lager Lout) Wed Jun 14 1995 19:41

I guess it's about time this conference had a `Hall of Fame' topic
for amusing notes and anecdotes.  The following gets my vote!

Chris.

            <<< TIMMII::DISK$USERS4:[NOTES$LIBRARY]CARS_UK.NOTE;1 >>>
                                  -< Cars UK >-
================================================================================
Note 1655.350          VAUXHALL FRONTERA / SPORT / DIAMOND            350 of 353
LARVAE::DRSD28::FARRELL                              27 lines  14-JUN-1995 13:30
                  -< Straightforward engineering problem... >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> However, as the rear doors are hinged on the right...


Imagine a meeting room somewhere in Voxhull HQ:

Chairperson: We have a problem here, the lights are blocked by the rear door.

Engineer 1: Let's hinge the door on the left. 

Chairperson: Just can't get the staff. You're fired, dork!

Engineer 2: Let's design a new rear bumper, stick some lamps in it, and 
rewire the rear end. We can make the indicators in the bumper for the GL model,
the pillar for the L and both for the CD (except the 2.0 TD, it can be an 
option on that one, but only if the electric ashtray is ordered at the same
time). The reversing lamp will be in the bumper, but for the DL we'll have some
separate ones hanging below, with a fog lamp on the left pillar, or the right
pillar if the protective lamp grille is ordered. The bumper only needs to be
colour coded for the Sport, except yellow where the paint won't stick, so 
that's grey. We'll make the tail lights in the pillar a backup, in case the
bumper ones fail, and add an indicator lamp to the dash, which will flash every
wet Wednesday.

Chairperson: And the bulbs can be replaced every 9,000 miles, except the fogs
which will be at the dealer's discretion. Excellent!

--Chris
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
2420.1FORTY2::HOWELLA toothless budgie always succeedsWed Jun 14 1995 20:014
    Is there any conference you don't want to turn into an EF95 II ?!
    
    Cheers,
    Dan
2420.2CHEFS::GEORGEMAbertawe Riot Squad EliteThu Jun 15 1995 18:3238
If only for the bit about the van!
hahahahaha!



================================================================================
Conference:  Cars Uk

Topic title: Ugly cars...blame the Americans
Note title:  The New Ford Fish!!!                                Lines:   23
Author:      UBOHUB::DIGGINS_R     
Number:      2418.60      Created: 15-Jun-1995 13:29             Replies: 64
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Perhaps you guys could either confirm or disagree with my thoughts 
    on the new/current escort incarnation!!!
    
    The first time I saw one of these I thought 
    
    TROUT
    
    It looks like a trout from head on!!!!
    
    Then I see the advertising on SKY and whats jumping around in the
    ad????
    
    A TROUT
    
    Does anybody know/think Ford are deliberately using the fishyesque
    (What a great word!!!) for some sort of subliminal advertising method
    
    The worst one Ive ever seen was a plain silver escort van, now if you
    put a fin on the roof of that you have a perfect trout!!!!
    
    Is it just me!!!!
    
    Russ


2420.3Ford Hustler anyone?RIOT01::SUMMERFIELDWorld, shut your mouthThu Jun 15 1995 20:1910
                   <<< Note 2418.67 by CHEFS::UKSTATIONERY >>>
                       -< Nissan Blue Bird! (you see?) >-

    Fords 2 best selling models, I should imagine, are the Fiesta and
    Escort. If Ford wanted more sales on their other ugly cars, they
    should follow the example of the first 2 and name them after top shelf
    magazines...imagine how proud you would be driving the new Ford
    Razzle or Ford Reader's Wives, no matter how ugly, or uninspiring
    the car was.
    
2420.4BAHTAT::DODDThu Jun 15 1995 20:545
    Hall of Fame! For that? Humbug.
    
    Didn't even mention the Mini Mayfair.
    
    Andrew
2420.5CHEFS::GEORGEMAbertawe Riot Squad EliteFri Jun 16 1995 15:336
>>>>Ford Hustler anyone?

Maybe our airfix specialists (ahem, Dan?) could inform us of the sales figures 
of the h<mumble> Hustler.  I remember a kit that was based, I think, on a 
Cortina, and looked like a popemobile.  This was called the Hustler, and didn't 
exactly set the world alight...
2420.6Waste not want not!CTUADM::MALONEAlways ObtuseSat Jun 17 1995 03:3322
    TOYOTA....
    
    Management...
    
    ....What do you mean you received 1000 Coke machines in the last order 
    of Steel.  What the .... are we going to do with 1000 Coke machines.
    
    
    Engineer...
    
    .... Well it's all good steel, maybe we can salvage some for
    construction of our new model.
    
    Roadside Observer...
    
    .... What the ..... was that.  Looked like someone built the rear end
    of that car around a Coke dispenser....What was it again...Oh yah!...A
    Tercel or some such thing.
    
    
    
    Rod
2420.7MASALA::SWRIGHTMon Jun 19 1995 07:065
    I can remember a thing that looked like a Pope Mobile but it
    was called a Rancho.... did'nt sell very good in the UK......
    
    
    
2420.8ou est la baggageCHEFS::UKSTATIONERYMon Jun 19 1995 13:051
    Made by Matra/Talbot en Francais.
2420.9PLAYER::BROWNLTyro-Delphi-hackerMon Jun 19 1995 13:123
    I remember the Rancho; the problem with it was, the engine was crap.
    
    Laurie.
2420.10Surreal or WHAT!!!!!!UNTADH::SAXBYCaptain CagoulWed Jun 21 1995 18:518
    
    What a bizzare idea...A moderator who creates a note which serves
    no purpose other than to duplicate notes found elsewhere in the
    conference!
    
    I propose this note stream for the CARS_UK Hall of fame.
    
    Mark
2420.11CBHVAX::CBHLager LoutWed Jun 21 1995 19:293
Oh, stop hassling me, daddio, I thought it was a good idea at the time!

Chris.
2420.12CHEFS::GEORGEMAbertawe Riot Squad EliteWed Jun 21 1995 19:381
Don't give up Chris.  It has potential.
2420.13FORTY2::HOWELLJust get to the point...Wed Jun 21 1995 19:434
    I stand by .1 myself ;-).
    
    Cheers,
    Dan
2420.14Only for the Elite?WOTVAX::ROWEMFrank Gamballi's TrousersWed Jun 21 1995 23:223
    Perhaps you might write lock this note for moderators use only???
    8^)
    Matt.
2420.15CBHVAX::CBHLager LoutThu Jun 22 1995 00:264
Or I could write lock this conference, and make a noting by proxy rule
so there's less daft comments.  Grr!  :)

Chris.
2420.16Heel.WOTVAX::ROWEMFrank Gamballi's TrousersThu Jun 22 1995 15:054
    Down rover down.. I just thought that there shouldn't be chat in here
    just a repository of outstanding replies, instead of waffle like this!
    
    Matt....
2420.17CHEFS::GEORGEMlived eht pihsroWThu Jun 29 1995 19:0522
2420.18BAHTAT::HILTONBeer...now there's a temporary solutionFri Jun 30 1995 14:2141
    I got this from a friend:
    
    "Darwin award" Nominee:  You all know about the Darwin
    awards -- it's an annual honor given to the person who did the
    gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in
    the most extraordinarily stupid way.
    
    Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke (tm)
    machine, which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting
    to tip a free soda out of it.
    
        The Arizona (U.S.) Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering
        metal imbedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road,
        at the apex of a curve.
    
        The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a
        car.  The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
    
        The boys in the lab finally figured out what it was, and what had
        happened.
    
        It seems that a guy had somehow got hold of a JATO unit, (Jet
    Assisted Take Off, actually a solid-fuel rocket) that is used to give
    heavy military transport planes an extra `push' for taking off from
    short airfields.  He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert,
    and found a long, straight stretch of road.  Then he attached the JATO
    unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed, and fired off the JATO!!
    
    
    Best as they could determine, he was doing somewhere between 250 and
    300 mph (350-420kph) when he came to that curve....
    
        The brakes were completely burned away, apparently from trying to
        slow the car.
    
        NOTE:
        Solid-fuel rockets don't have an 'off'... once started, they burn
    at full thrust 'till the fuel is all gone.
        
    
    
2420.19WOTVAX::GILLILANDPNot very Tuna-friendlyFri Jun 30 1995 15:523
    Oh you got that e-mail as well did you?
    
    Phil Gill.
2420.20BAHTAT::HILTONBeer...now there's a temporary solutionFri Jun 30 1995 16:017
    re .19
    
    Yeh, I got it from a guy in AT&T, where did yours come from?
    
    Interested of Leeds,
    
    Greg
2420.21WOTVAX::GILLILANDPNot very Tuna-friendlyFri Jun 30 1995 16:123
    From a friend who works in the States (Nvidia).
    
    Phil Gill.
2420.22Already in here somewhere....IOSG::MITCHELLEPigs all fed and watered, and ready to flyFri Jun 30 1995 16:173
I believe that story is already in this notes file somewhere.....

Elaine
2420.23VANGA::KERRELLDECUS Dublin 11-15 September'95Fri Jun 30 1995 16:333
It's a very old story.

Dave.
2420.24COMICS::SHELLEYFri Jun 30 1995 17:335
    Re .18
    
    Thanks Greg for posting that one. I certainly hadn't heard it.
    
    Royston
2420.25PLAYER::BROWNLTyro-Delphi-hackerFri Jun 30 1995 17:431
    I heard that story years ago...
2420.26COMICS::SUMNERCOpenVMS Counter IntelligenceTue Apr 23 1996 15:0425
    
    
    
    Entered with permission from VAXCAT::EF96,  following a note string on
    Motorway Miles versus Town Miles.  This one had a few of us in stitches 
    including Mr.Shelley.
    
    Chris   
    
    
    Note 15.98                   Unanswerable Questions.                  
    98 of 106
    BIS1::MENZIES "Resume the Ceasefire!!!"               9 lines 
    19-APR-1996 14:23
    
    Personaly, i'm an agresive driver and have never bothered about engine 
    wear and tear as I've smashed up every car i've owned and a friends
    car as well!
    
    So sod all this nonsense and just chuck it through a wall or role
    it in the country.
    
    
    Shaun$only_sad_twats_put_crap_like_this_after_their_name.