Conference rdvax::grateful

in a land far, far away, a new new new new NEW version of Grateful
    was born!  One by one, DECheads from near and far arrived at their new
    home and began to play.  Until one day the sky darken, not your normal 
darkening gradually fading from the light of day into the dark of night as 
the sun slowy sets into the world beyond.  No, this was an omminous blackening
of the earth, chilling by it's very presense, no shadows, no stars, as if
the sun itself had been extinguished.
    The gatherings of DECheads, shivering, huddled together for warmth and
comfort and whispered to one another fearful to speak aloud as if some unseen 
presense in the darkness might hear the words and come investigate.  They
were anxious to leave, but with no horizon, no outlines at all to aid their
flight it became impossible to make progress, in fact it was indeed difficult 
to keep together at all.  Out of the darkness came a small squeaky voice, 
"I'll organize our retreat!"  Of course, it was Lisa.  "First, we'll need
someone expendable to go first, JIM, where are you? You go first!"
    With a murmur not distinctly heard, something about short people, Jim
pushed his brussel sprouts into his pocket and said, "everyone grab someonelses
hand until we are all connected, Dave where are you?"
    "Here!"
    "Overhere!"
    "Uh, no overhere!"
    "what you want?"
    "Here I am!"
    "Which Dave do you want?"
    But before Jim could answer Bob yelled out, "Hey, I can see, it is
beautiful!!!!"
     "WOW, oh wow oh wow of wow!" Bill kept exclaiming.
     It took awhile for the rest of the group to understand what had happened,
but eventually Bob explained that he and Bill being hungry has eaten some of the
mushrooms the had gathered in meadow before the darkness, and tried in vain to 
describe the world they were seeing.
     "Damn, I have a bushel of those!" rfb exclaimed, "I was going to make some
homebrew with them, here."
     As they passed the bushel down the line each reached gropingly into the 
darkness until by feel they found a mushroom and ate it, except for Marv, who
said, "I don't need them!"
     It was a magical time as one by one, eventually even Marv and John, the
DECheads came out of the darkness into a reality of warmth and light.  This
was not a world any of them had seen before though, well except for Tim, who
has experienced _many_realities in the land of Mystery Hill.  Bob immediately
went to the pink birch trees, while T!ng and Phyllis joined the violet deer in
leaping over the rainbows and Gerry tried in vain to fly with the butterflys.
Most just stood in stared, one face mirroring awe of another until finally 
Fog spoke.  "Someone please tell me what _you_ see, I can't believe that what
I see can be true."
       

    
    I am the Creator of the Universe, she said with a smile... and I've 
    come to tell you the truth about yourself.  You are my brother.. a
    co-creator of the universe.  We were separated at birth and I lost
    you.  You were taken far away and raised by those who had no
    understanding of who or what you truly are.  
    
    You must come back with me now to the warmth of the void and learn
    the secrets of creation from The Watcher who dwells within
    
    We need you.  Reality needs you.  We need your creativity, your
    strength, your understanding, your point of view, your courage
    and your humor.  
    
    The Destroyers have broken down the fabric of The Great Dream.  We 
    must dream another.  There is little time.
    
    Come.... follow me...

    
    ...The surreality of what followed is difficult to describe, but was
    instinctively experienced by all who chose to go along.  
    
    Rising high above mother earth, the bubble party saw the field below
    them slowly diminish, and a new environment enveloped them...  They
    were transported through time and space...  there were diamonds in the
    midnight sky, transiently glittering to and fro, and the eyes of all of
    the beholders tripled in size in wonderment at all that was now
    transforming from their collective subconcious minds into reality as
    they knew it.
    
    Smiles were aglow, then the bubble child spoke.... 

    
    "See the patterns, she said?  Like the wheel, they turn and roll
    through space/time.  Watch them now.. just watch.  You don't need to
    know what each pattern represents nor what each little part does.
    All you need to do is to watch them.
    
    The patterns form that which we know as life.. as reality.  They are
    like cells in a living body.  If you watch them, you can see where
    we are going and where we have been.
    
    Soon, you will be able to alter them a little if you feel like playing.
    Just see how they are now and think of how you would like them to be.
    The body that they are a part of will hear you and join in the game.
    
    Come and play with me now..."

>Come and play with me now..."

 and with that the creator's bubble swiftly led the entourage through the
galaxies, darting here there at speeds that would make NASA jealous.  In the
bubbles of life our heroes' view was one of a Sunday driver peacefully 
rolling through the countryside, and oh the wonderful sites they saw, the
cosmos at their feet and all the while Dead tunes drifting through their 
minds.  The creator would slow and circle particularly glorious stars and
smile with a parents content as she watched / experiment with his thoughts,
trying to control the wheels and gears as offered.   It was a mild source
of pleasure for her to see Prob and fog join their bubbles with /'s and all
experiment together and she laughed outright when it became apparent that
Rachel and /ette were the first to discover the secrets involved.

  The creator's biggest smile was of course for Lisa and David, new love
nestled together dreaming of times yet to come while gazing at the
ultimate lovers lane.  Slowly T!ng and Debess floated over with their
husbands and they all sat in wonder and love for the rest of the travels.

  Soon? how one does measure time in these events, they all floated down to
another world, looking a great deal like the earth, 'made in our image',
thought Marv.  There before them a castle of sorts, nothing like any of them
had imagined, glowing, glistening, smooth and glorious, but before they could
even gather themselves the gates opened and out walked Treeman and Treebeautiful
looking entirely different.  Green clothing flowing until it actually became
part of the air around them, they too had a glow about them, a peacefulness
to their smile.  The keepers of forest they were now, and who walked out with
them??  Ace!!!

  "About damn time you all got here, how long do you think we were gonna wait 
until we started the party???  fog, come here, someone I want you to meet."

  "and Tim, you better watch yourself, when she isn't looking like the child
of innocence, the creator there can make a cock rooster strut across the 
barnyard, now get out those damn bubbles before you all get mellow to the
bone and let's party!!!"  

    
    	John... How'd you know green was my favorite color??? 8^)
    
    
    ...  So into the castle they all did go, spaceous interior caverns of
    day-glo ornamentation brought forth a sense of awe-inspired
    bewilderment, once again causing everyone to stare adrift focused on
    every detail, yet absorbing the complete ambience without a second
    effort.
    
    As they walked down the 20' wide corridor toward a vaguely familiar
    sound emanating from deep within the castle that grew louder with each
    step.  Upon reaching the end of the hallway, a 60' set of double doors
    was waiting to be opened, and once The twin towers (Tree and Geoff K.)
    struggled to open these doors, in front of the awed group of cosmic
    travelers was none other than.....  

    Ed Meese, smiling affectionaltely in tms' direction...
    
    Meanwhile, back at the void, like a child at play / had not realized
    that everyone had left for th great castle party and was still busily
    attempting to figure out how all them dadburned gears and stuff really
    worked. Suddenly, he made an amazing intuitive leap and was on the
    verge of unravelling all the mysteries of the universe when he
    accidently got his finger caught in the works and was sucked right into
    the machine. Uttering a cry of fear as he was consumed , he then found
    himself spit out the back end in a million /pieces. Wondering if he
    would ever get himself together, his million /pieces were suddenly
    swept up by...

>> They all looked
>>around and the happiness was immediate because they were AT A
>>SHOW!!!!!!!!! and who do suppose was on stage with the boyz?????
>>It was their own .....    
  
Pigpen and Brent!!!!   Yes, this certainly was going to be a show
from another space.  Bobby played a few chords and the band started
to play ....

....

	a cookin' version of Hard To Handle.  While Brent was focusing one
hundred percent on the keyboards, PigPen was delivering a rap that would
go down in the history books.  The band played and jammed on this number
for a long while and finally Jerry took the initiative to change things.  He
went off on a jam that had hints of Hard To Handle and eventually ended
up playin....

    
    ......Day Job.
    

    which grately pleased Keith, who was in the front row and feeling a
    little put out that he hadn't been invited to join in this truly
    Dead jam!
    

    Day Job?

What happened to our story?? ;-)

 john who_is_still_anxiously_awaiting_...

    ...Herman went to a see the Dead at Lakeview Arena...
    

    cracckle!!!
    
    shffle!!
    
    PFTTTT!!!!!!
    
    Ace leaps out of the vat of tapes!

    and bellows, "hi!!  'member me???  Ed and i just got back from a fun
    filled week in..."

    ......Gary, Indiana...

    
    ......Gary, Indiana...

    did someone say "..... Gary Indiana...."?
    
    
    								/
    

"Yah, I said Gary, Indiana."  There's just an echo in here, y'know?  Anyway,
back in Gary, Indiana (here I go again), we saw all sorts of strange and
weird things including...

    "Gary from Indiana (not Louisiana), and his sister, Louise (who was not
    half bad, or so it was written on walls and windowshades)...  they
    invited us to dinner where we had..." 

    ...a dupa that was won in a game of five card stud...where dupa's were
    the only form of booty allowed ....Gene Krupa was the dealer in this
    dupa game but had to leave only to be replaced by...
    

    
    ......nachos from hell with extra jalepenos......and lots of beer.
    However,......
    

    Buddy Holly, who incidentally looked like hell from this rillly long
    plane ride that he had...  Buddy had aces running up and down his
    sleeve and was doing rather well when...

    ...he realized what ACE had left running up and down his sleeves,
    caused by the nachos from hell and beer and the half finished
    peanut butter and sourkraut grinder.  But Buddy being the troopa
    that he is shrugged it all off and smuggly stated..
    
    
                                                                   

    "this is the last fair deal in the country!"  with that, he dealt
    himself a royal flush minus the ace...  he then drew an ace and armed a
    town the size of abilene...  unfortunately this town was Gary, Indiana
    and not Abilene...  when the now armed-to-the-teeth citizens of Gary
    got thier collective butts in gear, they siezed the opportunity to...

...rename the town from Gary, Indiana to...

   ... Meece,Montana...could this be so asked the town fathers? ....

    "after all, we hate Meese's to pieces!!"  said Mayor Jinx... 
    especially since...

    ... Gene "you bet your dupa Krupa" gave our town a bad review..
    

     after all, he rated us a "3" when as towns go, we were doing at least
    "2" level work...  considering the current state of affairs, even
    though "3" means "goodness" we could still get the whole town
    transitioned based on that one lousy review!!!
    
    well, this, coupled with MOSS, got everyone so tense and nervous that
    they just had to...

 ... to former Governor DuTaxUs who said, "You think this is bad...

    .....I've had to clean up Kitty's litter for quite a while now and when
    it comes to reviews you know that guy who was my Vice Presidential 
    running mate, you know good ole whatzisnamea, well I just had to 
    rate him a salty four because he caused me to loose the election
    but he tried hard and he....

    got me a good percentage of the geriatric vote...  but still, i think
    it's time to say "screw politics" and become a... 

...brussel sprout tycoon, cornering the market on those magnificent, leafy
little gems, thereby eliminating the frustrating shortages that connisuers of
this tasty vegetable frequently encounter, while at the same time... 

    ...sniffologyst (one who use's his sense of smell to test new oder
    preventing products) and get me a spot in line testing...

    AAARRRGGHHHH!!!!! yelled the duke...  "i hate when my multiple
    personality syndrome kicks in like that!!!"...  in order to relieve his
    obvious frustration he sat down in the grass and...

    ...surgically removing the brussel sprouts from his nostrils, he
    decided it was high time to fine-tune his discombobulator. "Last 
    time this happened, I ended up..."

    ...playing strip poker with ACE and Mr. GreenJeans and kept losing
    and had to.."

    uh...  had to...  errrr, he had to....  ummm, i think i'd rather not
    say what he had to do, except that it was rilly rilly disgusting...
    
    "there" he said, making the final adjustment to his discombobulator,
    "now, if i move this knob to the 'presidential' setting i can...

	...probably figure a way to tax the good people of the Commonwealth
and have them pay for everything."  Thinking to himself, "Yah, yah, that is 
what I'll do.  More taxes!!  Just like the gas tax hike... raise the taxes,
put a little in the Highway fund, and take the rest to clean up the huge
budget mess I made."

	With that, he proceeded...

    ...debate with Geraldine Ferraro or...

    ....Mikal Gorbechev, who emerging from the sunny seclusion of the
    southern Crimia, swore he'd never play cards with the Boyz again
    because Mister Green Jeans stole his pants and wouldn't let him out of
    the Dacha.  Of course he resolved this situation rather quickly by....

    appointing Mr. Green Jeans to be the Minister of Green Jeans, figuring
    that by making him a direct report he would be easier to control...
    unfortunately, out hero Mickey didn't know that Mr. Green Jeans was
    in reality---

    ...Boris Baddenoff, the notorious spy and underworld crime fiqure that
    Rocky always knew wasn't a very nice guy.  Now this is a strange twist
    of events because Boris, as any red blooded Moose will tell you, is
    actual a KGB operative working for none other than....   

Ticketmaster. However, Boris erroneously began studying Groucho Marx 
instead of Karl Marx, which caused him to depart Ticketmaster for...

    
    ...the DECHead ZONE, a little known but well visited dreamland on the
    other side of the looking glass.  Alice had tried to keep this
    beautiful place a secret because it made her feel small and then tall
    and all of this was really neat.  But Boris had stumbled into this
    world when he followed a rather harried hare who was mumbling something 
    about being late for a first revenue ship. 
    
    What will become of this lovely land of far away eyes, will our heros
    be able to stop the evil that has taken hold of this trip.  Stay tuned
    next week for the next exciting episode of....
    
    Rocky without a road 
    
    				or..... 
                       

    In our last episode, Mr Green Jeans, Boris Badinoff, Rocky, 
    Bullwinkle, and the heretofor invisible Natashia, all were
    contacted by the Ticketmaster.  There they were, side by side 
    in the eight row at a Grateful Dead concert...
     

    
    when????   oh yes....when suddenly Bullwinkle pulled out from his
    hat a bottle of Kool Aid.  Now this wasn't your ordinary fruit drink,
    for little beknownest to our familiar friends, Heretofor Invisible
    Natashia had spiked Bullwinkle's elixer with, yes my friends, you
    guessed it...vanishing tonic!!!  This fiendish plot was meant to make
    everyone at this joyous festival slowly disappear until the Dead would
    be left playing to no one.  Their leagions of fans having disappeared
    would have spelled the end for a band that can not die and the record
    industry exec's would certainly have pulled all future recording
    contracts.
    
    Now this was somewhat ironic because, as our friends passed around this
    tainted tonic, the Dead slowly evoled into a spirited rendition of 'not
    fade away'  and......

    all the love emanating throughout the hall caused our heroes (and
    ourselves) to NOT fade away!!!  
    
    but meanwhile, back on the distant planet Tralfamadore...

... Bob's evil anti-matter twin "Bob" (that's Bob spelled backwards) cackled
hysterically and held his newest invention aloft:

"Heh heh HEH HEE HEE ... at long last, my beautiful creation is COMPLETE!  Now
how do I operate this thing ... here's the switch"  *click*

and a horrible, gut-wrenching whine filled the air ... the smell of ozone ...
and deep from within the innards of this infernal machine came a gurgling
sound.  It grew louder, then SPLAZOOP, a dripping mass of alien saliva shot
forth, achieving Tralfamadorian escape velocity and hurtling towards a puny
little planet 13 light years away, a planet named ... Earth!

The saliva salvo gathered speed ... soon it was travelling at the mind-bending
speed of 186,281 miles per second.

-----

Grateful Dead New Year's Eve party, 2004 ... the fans are going wild, the
IV bottles on stage are rattlin' and shakin' to Phil's booming bass ... when
even these amazing sounds are overcome from a sonic boom from above ...

    (insert sonic boom sound here...)

  What the h*ll was that? he asked

    
    ...was it Bill Grahm dressed up as X-15 pilot Chuck Yeager???

    or maybe it was Rocket J. Squirrel getting the kinks out???
    
    but no...  in truth, the source of that most terrifying boom was...

    ... Pigpen, who in fact hadn't died.  He'd spent the last 31 years on
    Tralfamador drinkin' whiskey and watching old Three Stooges reruns.  As
    he stepped out of the spaceship he screamed "Man ain't it crazy" and
    the boyz in the band ...
    

.....said "It got to be crazy", then took off on a northerly course whereupon
they..

    started playing their version of "hail to the cheif" since, while he
    was away, Pigpen had been elected President of the Universe...  the
    position became vacant with the retirement of Zaphod Beeblebrox
    who just could not prove that his two heads were better than any of our
    ones...
    
    this caused some consternation with the "Phill in '88" crowd who were
    hoping that Phil would run again...  however these fears were allayed
    when...

    ... it was announced that Phil had been elected as the head of the
    newly formed Confederation of Soviet Republics, with Boris Yeltsin as
    his running mate and publicity agent.  Phil's first official act was to
    announce a spring tour through northern Europe and Asia.  At this
    point, a second sonic boom occurred, which was caused by all the
    Deadheads trying to get in line for tickets before the scalpers bought
    them all up.  Unfortunately ...
    

    ...Boris Badenoff, that evil and dasterdly villian who we know from
    previous encounters works for none other than Ticketshafter, along with
    his notorious partner Heretofor Invisible Natashia had already bought
    up all the wrist bands.  And there they stood, in the very front of
    millions of blurry eyed Dead Heads ready with millions of rubles to buy
    all of the available tickets....
    
    But Pig Pen seeing what was about to happen when Phil released the
    tickets for sale, headed back into time so that he could..... 
    
                                                                 

    declare independence for all deadheads everywhere!!!  after all,
    declaring independence seems to be the thing to do these days so he
    went ahead and did it on behalf of all deadheads...  now that all 
    deadheads everywhere were free and independent, they didn't need no
    steenking Boris and Natasha to buy all their tickets!!  they were on
    their way to the first free and independent show!!!
    
    but from the "some things never change department", there was a problem
    lining up a venue...   the first choice was---

    The grand ole opry,... but Elvis had already booked it so they decided
    to try...
    

    ... Death Valley.  The deadheads all chipped in together and bought it. 
    They renamed it Dead Valley, set up an amphitheatre that held 500,000
    people (plus t-shirt concessions in the parking lot) and declared it an
    independent nation.  Of course, our villains ... Boris and Natasha ...
    had other ideas.  So one day ...
    

....a mysterious purple gas came flowing into Dead Valley from the hills, 
and as it slowly settled into the amphitheatre, it caused...

    wide spread hallucinations!!!!!!  at first, it made everyone
    MOST TRANQUIL and served to produce a most bodacious afternoon,
    but then suddenly, from out of the cloud...

    ..appeared Snidely Whipplash who had been veering on the sidelines 
    whilst all these changes were occuring waiting for that perfect
    opportunity to...
    

	.... to really take people on a mind roller coaster.  As Doctor
Whipplash was thinking of his options, he figured the best thing to do
was to create a ...

    ... paranoid delusion by making everyone think their neighbor was a
    narc.  However, he had overestimated the naivete of the deadheads, who
    started hugging each other and laughing hysterically, because ...
    

    
    ......Captain Crunch next appeared over the horizon, bringing with him
    truckloads of his famous sugary cereal.  One truck had ALL
    crunchberries!!!!  "If you want milk with this, you'll have to look to
    someone else", he replied, because.....

    .."I've been sued for collusion with Elsie the contented cow so I can 
    no longer.."

    provide dairy products to the general public...  besides didn't you
    know that the FDA, acting upon the advice of the surgeon general,
    has decided..."

    that milk and crunchberries causes latent flashbacks known to last for
    more than several hours this can be attributed to the increased
    frequency of....

    ... Fog's visits to the crunchberry patch where he planted a bumper
    crop of 'shrooms underneath the crunchberry bushes.  Next he visited
    the Chocula farm, where he ...
    

    
    ...tainted the Count's chocolate blood supply with drops of liquid 
    'inspiration'.  Now this had a very surprizing effect because
    when all of those deadheads began eatting Capt'n Crunch and Count
    Chocula cereral with Elsie the cow's milk combined with that 'purple
    haze'....well it was toooooooo much and the boyz in the band who had
    just begun to tune up and turn on decided that they had better.....

    .....call up Owlsley to see if he could concoct a mixture that would
    offset this CWAZY adventure...however realizing that the deadheads were
    experiencing something they never had and appearing to be more far
    reaching than virtual reallity ...they joined in and...

    discovered that they didn't need ol' Stanley after all, for the music
    itself proved to be the cure for what was ailing everyone!!!!!  as teh
    deadheads all were groovin' to their group recovery (and subsequent
    elevation to higher planes of consciousness brought on by a riiillly
    out there Jam with Branford) the sky suddenly opened and from the
    clouds, there came fluttering down a brightly colored paisley...

  ....shirted Elvis, who shake, rattle and rolled til the cows came home, but
as they were going home they encountered...

    ...Crabby Appleton who for all these years had been locked into a vault
    with live Cowsill tapes he finally escaped and was in search of..

    
    ...a new drug, one that wouldn't make him ill, one to give him a thrill,
    one that makes ya feel small, one that makes ya feel tall, one that
    does it all.  But unfortunately Crabby grabbed a hold of that nasty
    concoction that Boris put together to make all them heads fade away 
    an....poof...

  They all faded away but managed to live happily ever after in their faded
way, until they encountered...

    
    
    	..... a politician ....
    
    

    who was strictly from commercial, started into rapping into my favorite
    baby seal with a lead filled snowshoe...  whereupon,

    
    ......he asked very politely to "please do not rap the baby seal" by a
    walrus armed with a snowball made from the DEADLY YELLOW SNOW.  The
    politician, not prepared for an encounter such as this.......
    

    ... looked down at the baby seal and shouted "I AM THE WALRUS".  At
    that moment John Lennon appeared, arm-in-arm with Elvis.  He took the
    snowball from the walrus and proceeded to rub those deadly yellow snow
    crystals into the eyes of the politician, who dropped the lead-filled
    snowshoe on the ground and cried "I can't see".  Elvis muttered
    something about blind justice, then he and John disappeared.  The
    politician, with no better plan in mind, started trudging across the
    tundra, till he got to ...
    

....I defer that question to the distinguished gentleman from Nebraska who
replied...

    ... "Of course I'm experienced.  I've been hanging around Ted Kennedy
    for 20 years, what else would I be."  At that point ...
    

    ...to larf out of control.  He looked at the Tedster and said .
    "Don't dominate the rap Jack..er Ted" and gave him the ....
    

    flipper...
    
    now, it should be noted at this point in our story, that elsewhere in
    the universe, strange and wonderful things were afoot...  leaving
    behind the screams of confusion that were thinly disguised as politics 
    in action on capitol hill, and even passing light years beyond the
    distnat planet of Tralfamadore where Billy Pilgrim was still happily
    unstuck in time with his hand selected pornstar mating partner in the
    zoo, we discover a strange and wonderful ship emerging from a black
    hole on the other side of the galaxy...
    
    drawing nearer, we discover that it is, indeed, a refitted bus still
    travelling after centuries (even though the time passed much slower for
    the occupants and it seemed like only 26 years)...  prophetically, the
    driver had painted the word "further" across the top...  now that this
    bus had travelled further than any other in the history of bus-kind
    it's occupants had achieved the dubious distinction of being the only
    humanoid life forms to survive travel through a black hole to see what
    was on the other side...  fortunately for them, the driver was still
    dosed...  this was fortunate because it was only through total loss
    of control and trust in the chaos that surrounded them, that theywere 
    able to mainain sufficent control to survive the journey...
    
    suddenly, all the occupants shouted in unison "HEY!  YOU!!!  BOZO
    NARRATOR!!!  SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH THE STORY!!!"  at which point the
    bus wheeled madly to the left towards...

    ...the bridge of harmony...

    but upon arriving, they found only discord...  so, quickly imp[rovising
    a new melody that brought on a harmonic convergence they found
    themselves suddenly able to...

    alter the course of physical reality...  but after stumbling upon this
    wondrous discovery, they began to realize just how complex and detailed
    reality actually is... so they needed to work together in order to
    figure out where they were going and how to get there...  they began
    by...

    ... forming a committee.  It seems that all the Deadheads on the bus
    were current or former employees of this large computer company back on
    Earth, and they had never learned how to work together ... but they DID
    know how to form a committee to study the problem.
    
    So, as they sat around the committee room (actually, the back of the
    bus) trying to figure out how to work together, a strange silence
    settled in as ...
    

    
    they tried to figure out what to do...   the problems seemed so great
    and so insurmountable...  
    
    ... in the old days, when confronted with overwhelming problems, they
    would light up a joint and brainstorm their way to a solution...
    .. but the evil grey-suited ones had destroyed the Great plant and made
    criminals out of all those who used it... and as their path of destruction
    continued, everthing seemed to be falling apart. 
    
    Somewhere... from the back of the bus.... a voice said, "you know the
    one thing we need is a left hand monkey wrench"... 
    
    .... and the light began to dawn....  when no one follows the rules,
    it's time to start a new game...
    

    ...	"Where are we?"
    	"We're on the southern slope of Mt. Shasta."
    	"Why?"
    	"Why not?  This is a great place for a ski resort!"
    	"Look, there's an Indian."
    	"

    "i didn't know Mt Shasta had been moved to India?"

    
    ...yes folks, it was true, The Bozo's on the bus making that Magical
    Mystery Tour had finally made it back to Mother Earth where they had
    discovered to everyone's surprize that California had indeed slipped
    into the Pacific Ocean and slowly collided with India, where now they
    stood on the top of Mt Shasta in, where else....the Himilayas...
                                 
    Now as could be expected, the altitude began to really play on their
    minds...not to mention that the Bus had begun to roll ever so slowly
    down the hill...as they peered out the windows of the bus, they could
    see far off in the distance on top of the highest peak, a walled city
    that looked so very much like OZ....
    
    But if it was OZ, where was the wizard and why hadn't Dorthey been
    there with her little dog Toto ready to greet them???  So many
    questions and with the Bus now hurtling down the cavernous slope of Mt
    Shasta, India....so little time...could this be the end of their
    adventure through space and time???  Would Rocky show up to save
    them...will the politicians really care??? 
    
    Well just when we thought we'd find out, it happened.... 

    a cow jumped out in front of the bus!!!  since cows are sacred in
    India, it is in rilly rilly bad taste to flatten one with a bus...
    the cow, of course, knew this and bellowed "you rilly have to 
    MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOve!!!"  
    
    and with that, the bus promptly reversed direction and headed back
    uphill!!!!  suddenly, the bus came to a top near....

 Gilroy California, the garlic capital of the world, when from out of nowhere
appeared a....

    ...man in flaming hotpants, carrying a basket of goodies picked up at
    the garlic festival.  Garlic wine, garlic homebrew, even garlic
    underware!  He boarded the bus, and proceeded to...

    gross everyone out with his rilly garlic-y breath....
    
    "HHHHHHHHHHHI!" he said to the girl in the front seat, wilting the
    flowers in her hair...  "can you tell me if the driver knows where
    we are headed?"
    
    "driver?"  she replied, politely holding back the wretching sensation 
    caused by the garlic "we don't need no steeeeenking driver!!  and no,
    we have no clue where we are going...  we barely know where we've
    been!"
    
    the garlic dude, thoroughly confused by nowe, could only conclude
    that...

    He had enterred the bozo zone...
    
    So quickly he checked his...
    
    		
    
    

    goodies to make sure he had not lost his garlic wine. 
    
    The girl in the front seat had now become curious and asked 
    him what he had in the sack. He took the wine out and told
    her to try it. She took a huge gulp and fell on the floor.
    
    A big guy from the back of the bus saw what had happened and 
    ran to the front to see what he gave her.
    
    Just as he was close enough to the front....... 

...the bus turned around and he was in the back, upsetting the orderly transfer
of..

    ...his fat self toward the wine, thus affording our garlic-laced 
    character an extra bus-length transit time in which to stash the wine.
    Noticing an elderly woman with a hearing horn protruding from 
    under her straw hat...
    

    ...he leaned over and whispered into the horn,
    
       "Candy is dandy and liquor is quicker, but if you eat all the
    garlic in Derry, N.H.".....

    ...somethin' vehwee vehwee stwange will happen...a great silence
    will descend upon the land, and there will be DEAD quiet until...

	... someone broke the silence.  This person, being the boisterous
person that ...

    ...feels silly.   
    
    

....and a little chilly...

    
    said "Follow me... I will show you the way.... rilly..."
    
    Everyone stared with wide and curious eyes...  they decided
    to trust this entertaining soul.
    
    Slowly they agreed, hesitant at first and eventually 
    they were full of joy, singing and dancing as the bus 
    flowed along the winding hills.  Even the sunshine seemed
    to follow this happy bus full of happy souls....
    
    

    Until suddenly a purple cow leaped out into the road . . . 
    
    
    	moo
    
    
    

    But everybody in the bus thought it was some kind of hallucination or
    flashback, so the bus just kept on goin' towards the cow...
    
    

....which belonged to Ben & Jerry....

until the cow spoke, and he said..."I've never seen a purple cow I never hope 
to see one, but I can tell you anyhow, I'd rather see than be one" That's 
when they knew it wasn't really a purple cow, it was...

....a one eyed one horned flying purple people eater which promptly....

    it was just a purple haze running through their brains, But the ben &
    jerry's cured their munchies.....

    But NO the purple haze *was* a one eyed one horned flying purple people
    eater which was promply running through their brains with ben and
    Jerry's ice cream...unfortunatly they took a wrong turn and ended
    up in....

    the pasture full of purple grass from whence the purple cow (whose
    true identitiy had by now become suspect) had come...  the bus came to
    a screeching halt in a rather large pile of magenta manure, and there
    was much rejoicing, for it was totally organic and they really had to 
    mooooooove anyway (having been on the bus for a long time with no
    rest)...
    
    upon stepping off the bus (and cleaning his shoes) fatehr fog reached
    into his bag-o-sugar and...

    ...caused a tremendous commotion by pulling out an enormous...
    

    
    
    . . . purple frog leg . . .
    
    
    

    ... "hey now, what's this doing in here?" Fog wanted to know, as he
    wrapped it in foil so he could put it on the camp fire.  Everybody
    gathered around as Gerry proceeded to thump the foil-wrapped frog
    leg with a large stick.  "It ain't done yet", he declared.
    
    Meanwhile, Phyllis was staring at her feet, where her birkenstocks had
    become magically transformed into purple crystal slippers.  Off in the
    distance she noticed these little guys dancing around a bunch of large
    mushrooms with their hands behind their backs, singing something about
    a Lollipop Guild.
    
    Suddenly, with a clap of thunder and a whoosh of air ...
    

...Skeletor appeared in Bobbb's grasp....

 ...and they all lived happily ever after, until the fateful day when...

... a storm unlike any ever seen on this or any other world appeared at the edge
of the horizon.  As it engulfed the land and the sea, the earth shook with a
tremendous roar.  Unbeknownst to the inhabitants, this force was strong enough
to stir the nasty spirits which had laid dormant for so many years.  Once
unleashed, the spirits descended from atop the mountain into the valley below,
where they ...

....had lunch...

	... at a local DEC cafeteria.  Shortly after injesting the fine
DEC cafeteria food, all of the people began to ...

    
    hallucinate....

........that there were lots of arms reaching in just to 
	get another piece of that exploding, steamy turkey 
	once again.  After the fine DEC cafeteria food they 
	all sat around a fire and................................................ 

 sang Christmas caroles when suddenly...

...Bob and Jerry appeared from out of nowhere, and joined us in song, but
they...

    . . . they were getting ready for a long set with Slipknot . . .
    

...but just as they started to play, there was a power failure, and...

...Bobby said, in his infinitely intellectually introspective way, "Hey, now...

    ..."bathe in the spray of my spit and you shall be....

    ...enlighted with the secret of...

    
    ................. D I S C O R D I A ...................
    
    (heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh)
    
    Then the goddess Eris appeared and she said,...

"why the gloomy faces, folks?  Haven't you heard ... the Brain
Police are back in town!"

And it was true ... from the rear of the Giants Stadium parking lot
came a high-pitched whining sound ... travelling with tremendous
velocity, knocking aside apelike security guards and slackjawed 
Deadheads alike, a four-cylinder silver Renault Alliance like
some gibbering doppleganger from Hell, and fastened to the roof
was the spinning flickering bubble of the Brain Police, all electrically-
charged plasma beckoning and saying this, THIS, is a force to be
reckoned with, pay heed for NOW is the time for atonement, and it 
was horrible but it was good.

All was broken and quiet ....

    until the Maytag repairman appeared on the scene...   dancin' in the
    streets with glee, he grabbed his left handed monkey wrench in a
    misguided attempt to...

    ... wrench the left-handed monkey from the stage, where he was swingin'
    from the rafters while the band was playin' on.  But the monkey was
    smarter than the Maytag repairman, so he just ...
    

    ...hitched his l'il monkeypants a little lower to expose the proper,
    union specified, percentage of derriere and went to work repairing...

    the damage done by the brain police as they passed through... 
    unfortunately, just as he was completing his work, the monkey was
    arrested...  it seems that showing that union-specified bit of derriere
    was seen as contributing to amerca's growing crack problem...
    as he was hauled off the the ol' cross-bar hotel, he was heard
    shouting, ...

    "I've got blisters on my fingers!!!"
    

    Suddenly there was a crack of thunder, a burst of light,
    and in shown the doorway to another dimension.  Slowly he . . . 
    

....turned, step by step, inch by inch...

    
    and through the doorway he went...  right into the parish of St.
    Alphonso's, where the annual pancake breakfast was happening...
    
    dropping a little sunshine into the syrup he skipped on out into

... a giant field, filled with thousands and thousands of fresh smelling
green plants.  He began to savor the delicious aroma, when suddenly ...

 . .. he spotted some killer green indica bud.  he exclaimed, ...

    hmmm... I'd better buy my plane ticket in advance. Or maybe I ought to...

    just roll a bomber and sit back and contemplate all this for a while.
    But as he advanced he tripped over his shoelaces and ...
    

...saw that blue gym bag with the black and fucia stripes
that he had lost years before in Heathrow airport on his way
to complain to the queen about how his pants never seemed to
fit right...but that's another story.  Suddenly he realized
that he forgot that he was no longer falling, and by random
chance he somehow managed to miss the ground.  

As he reached for the bag, he suddenly swooped up over the
field.  Higher and higher into the air he climbed, soaring
and turning, suspended on air.  The valleys and treetops
fluttered by as he tumbled and dove through of the clouds.

Suddenly, as if plucked from a dream by the shrill clangor of
one of those wind up alarm clocks that never seems to stay
wound-up right and always makes you late for work, he felt a
rather sharp and nasty pain somewhere rather close to that
region of exposed derriere of union-specified size.  As it
turns out, he was ...

... making an illegal left turn during his recent tumbling through the clouds.
The shrill clangor was the siren of the flying police, and the sharp and
nasty pain was because the evil flying police dude was poking at him.

"License and registration!"

"Oh no," he thought, "what shall I do?"

Summoning all of his mental energy (which was somewhat enhanced because of the
green fields from which his journey had begun), he cast a magical spell upon
the nasty flying police dude, and he turned him into a ...

    ...a newt.....but he got better and...

....better and better and....

    ...drove away humming "Rocky Raccoon."  He drove for hours; the sun set
    in a brilliant splash of colors that reminded him of a young woman he
    knew before all these legal problems hit, before the world seemed to
    turn on him like a rabid fox wanting nothing more than to gnash at his
    exposed hind-quarters.  He thought of her and he thought of them and he
    thought of that night, so many years ago.  He was sitting on the
    anonymous sheets that turned from white to pink to white again with the
    flashing neon "VACANCY" outside the barred windows.  "Any time you need
    me," she had said.  "Any time you . . ." and her words melded with the
    7:05 rumbling past on its way out of the grey city.  He popped open the
    glove compartment and fumbled with the old Cleaveland map that for the
    past nine years had only been used to wipe the oil dipstick.  Looking
    inside its folds he found the number scibbled across the ad for Tommy
    Flanagan's Auto Shop and Caterering Service.  He screeched into a 7-11
    and walked nervously to the phone.  Thank God it was a rotary . . . his
    trembling fingers never would have been able to hit the right buttons. 
    His heart seemed to stop beating as the final dial clicked back
    counter-clockwise and the phone began to ring.  An 18-wheeler with a
    bad retread thundered by.  One ring . . . *relax* . . . two rings . . .
    counting helps . . . three rings . . . he picture the blue phone in her
    black kitchen ringing . . . four rings.  "Hello?"  Still the same
    voice.  After all these years, still calm and strong.  "Hello?"  He
    said nothing for a full minute.  "Is anyone there?"  Summoning as much
    courage as he could he tried to talk, tried to tell her of his worries,
    his fears.  All he could manage was a weak trembling question, "Phlegm,
    `zat you?"  She laughed, instantly recognizing his voice and replied...

... "who else would it be, Nimrod?  Where've you been hiding all these years?"

He cleared his throat nervously and said "Working on my weight ... I have
a vision, some understanding of my destiny, and it is that I become the
UberJerry, all mirth and girth, roly-poly thru and thru."

The line was full of static, but he heard her breath catch, and then a
gasp.  "Have you been frequenting the local fast food havens again?"

He was trapped.  No escape.  She had confronted him, dragged the awful truth
kicking and screaming into the light.  His face contorted into a shimmering
rictus of fear and pleasure as he whispered - "(yes)."

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY SPECIAL SAUCE?"

    "ah...oh...uhm....well it'll be right up sir," she said with fear and
    loathing in those far-away eyes, "We have to go out back and mix us up
    another batch, you see, you see, we, well, we make it up fresh for all
    our fine customers."  Right then Nimrod began to wonder, "Uhm, wonder
    what they're puttin' in that special sauce.  Usually they have plenty
    on hand, could it be they mean to poison me?" 
    
    But before he could even let the thought sink in, the girl with the
    'far-away eyes' turn around with a big batch of special sauce just
    waitin' to be dabbed on his plate.  So not wanting to be rude or
    nothin', Nimrod smiles, as she laddles it on, and....

... his mind begins to wander, and he thinks of distant places and happier
times.  But it's all somewhat fuzzy, and he can't quite remember even how he
got here, and nobody's posted to this note in almost a year, and he's all
confused, and he can't tell here from there or right from wrong or hither from
dither.  Yet somehow he knows that everything's going to be all right,
because...

	the BOYZ will be at HIGHGATE in less than 3 WEEKS, and everyone
knows it is gonna be an intense time because there will be plenty of....

    
    The Green Mountain State!!!!

    ...where Decheads Unite, to love and not fight, and the music is loud
    in a large, peaceful crowd...
    

    re last one ... you sound like the guy in that Dead vid
    
    

    which Dead vid ??

    umm the one where they are interviewing the crowd and one guy complains
    about his face being on camera cuz the Dead will benefit from it for
    years to come and he won't ever see any money and while the interview
    is going on another guy comes to agrue with guy #1 about it and then
    this OTHER guy leaves over the argument and shouts "ST STEEEEPHHHHEN".
    
    well not those three guys but I think later when they are interviewing
    other people, they talk to a guy who makes this great rhyming thing
    about the Dead.  sounded like the same cadence as your comments.  I'm
    sure I've made myself clear :-) 
    
    hey - it's early and it's monday
    
    c

    it's early, it's Monday and...

...now it is the afternoon.  Time moves in strange ways while waiting for
the Grate Dead to come to the Green Mountain State.  But meanwhile back at
the practice hall, Jerry and Bobby are working on a tune that folks have 
not heard performed in a long time.  Boy, will some lucky crowd go wild 
when they hear the opening notes and words to ....

    Day Job!

    ...and he laughed so hard he fell on his....

	... head prompting bureaucrats to propse legislation that would
	require people to wear helmets while laughing. But, being unable
	to hear the music with a helmet on he ...

    strapped himself into the driver's seat of his car and rushed down to
    the local 5 n' dime....plopped a fiver down on the counter and chose
    the pistol with the barrel that is blue and cold......he laughed, in
    such a way as to smack his head on the counte, picked himself up and
    left the store to......

    ....keep on truckin...yes he trucked and trucked till he ran out of
    gas, then he hoped out of the cab to smoke a little grass.  The grass
    was greener on the other side of the road so he ran across to pick a
    rose.  It was a red, red rose of such a fragrant scent that he placed
    it in his pocket for his special someone.  She's a sweet young thing that 
    he dreams of often and she's so sweet they call her Blossom.  So wouldn't
    ya know he was feelin' fine when right then and there.... 

    ...a bus came by, and he got on, his head enveloped by  cloud of smoke.
    He dreamt of the sweet Blossom and the sweet things she said and the
    sweet thongs she wore. But the bus driver knew her well, also. And when
    he peaked into our heros dream and saw what it was he was dreaming....

...he started to sing, "If you'll be my dixie chicken, I'll be your 
tennessee lamb and we can walk together down in dixieland. At this point 
our hero knew that his little Blossom was a...

    ...sheep....

...whose fleece was so white as snow that it became really cold, so that our
hero had to..

    ...take measures to make the poor little freezing creature warm, and
    our hero did so by...

    ...loaning her his thong....

    ..and all was happy and good 'til he could no longer ignore the
    swelling hunger that was gnawing at his belly and he began to look at 
    Blossom in a whole new way and....     

	... said "Time for a FYFWF lunch!" so he called and made
	reservations for ...

    ...HAGGIS...because haggis is tastey and it is oh so good for ya.  So as 
    our hero departed the bus and saw sweet bloosom waiting for him at the
    stop, he said to her with such glee; "My dear, let's go eat HAGGIS"...
    which was not at all what she had in mind seeing him in his thong, so
    she said....

    WAIT!!! she's wearin the thong, NOT him!!! (just wanted to set the story
    straight!!...please continue!!!)

    ooopppssss....well he got off the bus dreamin' of haggis, when all of a
    sudden standing there in front of him was Blossom, wearing the tightest
    of thongs.  So he gave her a grate big kiss, grabbed her by the arm
    and they ran on down the station to get to the...

    ...new year, 1995, when all the world is to come alive.!!!!! 
    Where all peoples and animals live in harmony, hunger is a thing of the
    past, religion has been abolished not by a govenment, but by the
    sheer will of the people of the world. World govenments have
    dissapeared, replaced by a benevolent, anarchistic system of "rule"
    where it's just plain "understood" what the right thing to do is. No
    China. No USA. No Communism. No capitalism. No Republican Party (yea!)
    No Democratic Party (yea!) A true one world, one people system WITH
    a basic, inherant, understood and accepted "bill of human rights for
    the world". He and Blossom stripped themselves of their earthly trappings,
    including the thongs. They pranced and danced to the sounds of Sugar
    Magnolia and Loose Lucy, which were now stuck in every person and
    animals mind as a result of this worldly harmonic convergance. But then
    Blossom noticed a wizined old man over in the corner of the universe
    who seemed to have something to say. His mouth opened slowly, all
    leaned forward to hear his words of wisdom. He spoke.......

       I have a Dream...
    

    ...a dream that someday, each and every one of you will know the joy,
    feel the glow, bathe in the essence of the One, the Exalted, the
    Only True....

    ...Head...and each one of you will learn never to put your head above
    another, and you will be kind with infinite compassion and the ability
    to show grace and love...You will then go forth to...

    ...the Sacred Valley. There you will be under the tutilage of the Grate
    One, praise be She, and all the wonderous mysteries of the Head will
    become clear to you and you will rejoice with song and dance and you
    will close your eyes and to you will come the Vision of....

    God

    ....and a grate silence fell among them....and they
    pondered...suddenly, Blossom arose and and proclaimed, for
    all to hear,"........

    
    ...Whattya mean cooties no cooties on me." ... 

    and they all began to sing...
    "ain't no cooties on me, ain't no cooties on me,
    might be cooties on some o you hooties but there ain't no cooties on
    me...". leading them to realize that....

    ...that they had been blessed.  So they packed up the magic bus, took
    all of the magical instruments, made sure they had plenty of magical food
    and magical herbs and magical drinks and they set off for the Sacred
    Valley.  Now no sooner had they parted for that land unknown, when they
    realized just who was driving the bus.  It was...

    MARK FREAKING NELSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Known to be stopped at military
    installation entrances for driving under the influence.
    Fortunately.....
    

    the bus was painted in green camouflage...and blended in well with its
    surroundings....

	.. so that MNELSON couldn't find it, thus leaving the driving to ...

	uuuuuuummmm, RICH FROMM!!!  yes indeed, Rich Fromm takes over the
wheel of da Magic Bus, which is now renamed to the Magic Rasta Bus because...

    ...there's always rastafari on da bus and Rich being one of the
    Rastious of rastafari, would NOT drive a Magic Bus that wasn't actually a
    Magic Rasta Bus.  But we all knew it was a Magic Rasta Bus and that we
    had just left the Rasta out because it was easier and didn't have
    anything really to do with the Sacred Valley other than we knew that
    those on the Magic Bus would obviously be doin' the Ratsa thang.
    
    So jus when we realized that Rich was driving the bus it came to
    everyone's attention that Rich was lost, or in a daze and wasn't headed
    for the Sacred Valley at all.  In fact Rich had brought us to this
    secret military base in the desert so that he could....

    ...introduce us to the Space Alien, who...
    

    
    had extra tickets to the Phish show, and.....

    ...wanted to give us each one, now wasn't that nice.  But Rich knew we
    couldn't go, because we had so much to do before we got to the Sacred
    Valley, so with a slow wave of the hand he proceeded to drive
    right on by the Space Alien and head out onto the missle range where...

...sheets of acid were being prepared for the upcoming war.  suddenly,
the magic rasta bus ...

    and If
    

    ...this was, like ya know rilly happening, then the magic bus was
    actually, rilly, like ya know truely changing its.....

    shape and form. Metamorpha-singing all the words incorrectly, but
    better than Jerry. But if you looked closely, one could see a form
    evolving into a .....

    ...coat hanger...

    ...which when straightened, serves well to clean the....

    ..rasta water pipe, which will then be filled with...

    ...Listerine mouth wash which in turn was spilled all over the floor of
    the bus causing or hero to....

    
    exclaim in his best Reverend Jim (of Taxi Fame) impersonation ... 

    "now I'm gonna have REALLY bad breath"...

    meanwhile all the other people on the Bus were quite surprised
    that this had occured so early into the.....

    Game

    .....Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh............the Game.......Blossom remembered it
    well. The sheer ecstacy of pyschadelicly clad slip-sliders crashing
    into each other on their quests to bat as many goals as possible over
    the base and all the while that crazy, crazy music ran wild thru....

    The Shoes

And Blossom remembered the words of the wise old man, who told her, "Whatever
you do, take care of your shoes."

    So, in order to care for them, she removed then in order to cross the
    babbling brook. Stepping carefully from stone to stone, and only
    getting her feet a little wet, she was almost across when suddenly,
    rearing out of a deep pool with a splash and a roar, came...
    

    ...Puff the Magic Dragon...who seeing from afar the Magic Bus knew that
    these were friends who had come so very far just to puff along with
    him.  So with a great big roar of a hello and a swish of his tail, he
    smiled at Blossom and said...
    

    "Hey, want to try some of my Magic Dust?", she was at first taken back
    by this strange request, however....

    she smiled and said "What The Hey!"
    

    What the hey??? What the hey...it's only a bit of dust she said as she
    doloped a bit on her finger.  Then she took the grains of dust and put
    them under her tongue, and all of a sudden the dragon began to shrink and
    the world got oh so small.  And then in a flash it all exploded as the
    world became bright and the dragon grew large.  A smile came over
    Blossom's fair face and she said in a meek little voice.... 

    
    ..."I really like the orange TIC TACS best. They taste like 
        St. Joseph's children's aspirin....My name sucks...but not
        as bad as my TV show....I wish I was a headlight..."
    

.... "on the magic bus because the bus is in such crappy condition
that the headlights don't work!  this would allow us to travel to
jamaica, where we _must_ go to renew our supplies for the rasta
magic bus."  then, all of a sudden...........

.. she clicked her heels twice, and the world about her began to spin, as if
she was swept up in a giant tornado.  around, and around, and around, and
around it went.  she was getting awfully dizzy and was beginning to wonder if
taking that magic dust was such a good idea after all.  finally, after what
seemed like an eternity, the spinning slowed down.  as it came to a halt, she
looked around bewildered.  and blossom realized that the magical bus had just
gone on quite a journey, and they now actually WERE in jamaica!!!

just then, a rastafarian approached her, and he said ...

    ...Hah...small world isn't it???  To which Blossom began to hummmmm, 
    "It's a small, small world", when from behind the Rasta-dude, Mickey 
    Mouse appeared sportin' dread-locks and a large....
    

    ...pipe. Not the smoking, but rather a large-diameter plumber's-type
    pipe. The other end was sooooo far away that Blossom couldn't see the
    end, but it appeared to go over the mountain pass. The Mickey-Rastaman
    proferred the end and said," Please partake of some..."
    

    ...fresh air...to which Blossom said, oh i'd love to, but i'm just fine
    thank you.  So...Mickey_Rasta_Mouse jus smiled and said, i understand
    completely...but i bet you'd like to.....

    pee

	....er, i mean get it on, er, i mean torque it up mon!!!!!!  all
of a sudden, out of no where, CHeech and Chong arrived on the scene
with a huge, i mean a gigantic, i mean an 18-wheeler, FILLED with, luscious,
dripping-with-flavor, mouth watering 
		big...
			green............

    heads of organic, farm fresh lettuce, to which Blossom exclaimed
    "Let us..........."

    "let us grow, let us grow, let us grooowwooowwwooowww". and then she
    plopled a big head in her mouth and started to....

    ...fantasize...about bigger, greener, stickier...

    
    Venus Fly Traps, like the ones she'd visualized while on the magic
    bus. A waft of wilting lettuce odor overcame her senses. To the right
    she could see a sign in the distance that read......
    
    

    Eat at Joe's...and although Blossom wasn't really hungry at the moment,
    she decided that a nice frothy mug of Pete's Wicked Ale would hit the
    spot.  Unfortunately, it must have been a mirage, because the faster
    and faster Blossom walked toward Joe's the further and further the sign
    moved away.  Finally she just stopped in a state of disgust, wishing oh
    so much for that cold, cold, ale.  
    
    Then...all of a sudden she was in a bar.  It was like she had been 
    teleported right into Joe's Grill.  And to her surprise she met....
                                            

...mikey rasta mouse again!  surprise surprise.  mikey said c'mon out
back with me 'cuz batman and robin are here with _two_ 18-wheelers filled
with huge delicious-looking...

... cans of SPAM !!!  pink, globular, moist, savory....  Blossom ate and she
ate and she ate and she ate.   Mmmmm...  SPAMiffic!!!  After she had had all
the SPAM that she could possibly eat (and then a little bit more, just for good
measure), she sat down and rested.  Peace came over Blossom, and as she rested,
she began to dream, her mind filled with thoughts of ...

    Big gren Leafy..
    

	... Velcro(tm) Trees! 
	
	Blossom dreamt she was on a tropical island where she owned a
	Velcro(tm) farm. "Gonna be a big Velcro(tm) tycoon", she smiled.
	
	Still, she felt uneasy as her mind began to conjure up images of ...

    Joey Buttafuoco, who wanted to...

	...get ahold of some SPAM for himnself to chow.  just then, poor
Blossom vomitted!!  huge chunks of half-eaten SPAM hurled out of her
mouth at a terrific speed and got splattered all over...

    
    She awoke with drips of sweat running down her face. She'd been through
    alot in the last few minutes. She closed her eyes again, this time
    drifting off to a blissful sleep. Soon she was dreaming again - of
    a fat, bearded man carrying....
    
    

    ...a guitar, made out of...

    ...silk...and this man knew how to play...smooth as silk, he could play
    low, he could play loud, he could even play....
    

    ...and sing without screwing up the lyrics!! But the song ended
    abruptly when....

    The FBI arrived

	... wearing evening dresses, or jeans and halter tops.
	
	Blossom smiled, the fat guy shrugged and everyone joined in on a
	chorus of ...

    ...Magical Mystery Tour...

	"Roll up, Roll up for the Mystery Tour. Rollll up ..."

    ...the Magic Bus...which just so happened to be rollin' up right there
    for everyone to get on...so Blossom, the Fat Man and all of their FBI
    friends (remember, this is a substance induced fantasy and makes one
    realize now where Hunter S. Thompson get's all of his wild ideas)
    hopped on board to rolllll on down the highway.  Of course they we're
    off to see the show so The Fatman decided it was time to...

	... perform some Brain Salad Surgery. So he picked up his ...

    dog doo snowcone and...

    stuffed it in
    

     the mouth of an unsuspecting pooh bear as he lay stretched out
    yawning.  "Hhhhmmmm", he said "this reminds me of......
    

    waylon jennings

    ...except for the hat." In the meantime the Magic Bus just kept on a
    rollin, with the Boyz playing away in a little trailer hooked to the
    back. Until the bus hit a bump, and...
    

    they ALLLLL went FLYing out of the bus and the trailer....Luckily NO 1 got 
    hurt, (this IZ a MaGiC Bus after all) but it was a funny sight to see Jerry
    with his head stuck in the sand, still holding his guitar, still playing...

    ..."Playing in the Band"...

    ... and play on Jerry, play on.  The spontaneous outpouring of love 
    from all over the world ... we know you would accept if you could 
    see it .. you'd accept with a little nod of your head and a tiny 
    upturn of the mouth.  and play on. 
    We're finding that it isn't getting any easier as the days 
    go by - maybe in time it will. 
    
    our love for you not fade away ... 

    NOT FAED AWAY!
    

    ...and the sweet sounds of His guitar were ethched into their minds
    and their souls for all eternity...and as they closed their eyes,
    He was still there....and they smiled knowingly with much
    appreciation...