Conference vaxcat::ef97

    
    	this really isn't fluff....
    	can someone check COSME3, please?
    	it's been excited 2 days running now.
    
    	i am in your debt... whoever does take care of it.

    Denise,
    
    The network parnter is excited.
    Seriously, there appears to be a problem with the COSME3 node. A mod of
    another conference on COSME3 is trying to contact the system manager of
    it, if there is one.
    
    Be patient.
    
    Goldy.

    >> Be patient.
    
    she can't

    
    	since when have you started speaking for me, let alone
    	pose an assumption about me?
    
    	this was just a lucky guess, mr.::KMANNERINGS, don't
    	let it go to your head.
    
    	thanks goldy... wasn't COSME3 ::HEDLEY's baby? 

    Life just gets wierder by the day.
    
    Normally on a Friday evening I can be found in a bar in Nijmegen called
    the Tempelier, some of you have been there!
    
    However, last Friday some friends were having a leaving do at the Green
    Hovels and we attended that instead.
    
    Just as well, as at 21:30 last Friday a nutter entered the Tempelier and
    started a fight which ended up with him shooting (seriously) two of our
    local councilers...
    
    But for the grace of god...
    
    Kevin

    re -1
    
    Kevin, I know what you mean - you had a lucky escape!
    
    Do you remember when the Harrods bomb went off one autumn Saturday
    afternoon in 1984 (or was it 83?). Well I'd just been shoppping in West
    Kensingon and had the intention of then walking to Harrods to do some
    more there. If i hadn't been overcome with greed in Marks and Spencers
    and emerging cluttered with packages, I might have been caught. My bags
    were so heavy, i decided not to bother going to Harrods after all and
    caught the tube home. I kicked off my shoes, switched on the TV and
    there it all was - a news flash with the awful scene.
    
    Sometimes greed does pay, or maybe we do have a guardian angel
    
    Joan 

    Sometimes greed does pay, or maybe we do have a guardian angel
    
I think that when it's your time, that's it.  You obviously were destined to be
with us a while longer...  :-)

regards,
//alan

    Remember the Harrods Bomb!
    
    I still have nightmares!
    
    Since you are new to EF Joan and I've bored the old timers about it
    over the years I won't go into details, have a look at EF88 and EF89
    to get the full story
    
    But put simply I was there when it went off!
    
    Kevin

    It would appear that ES96 is up and running again.

    Jamie.

    The Netherlands was one of the first countries to ban British beef due
    to the BSE scare. Currently we have a bad outbreak of swine fever which
    is being exacerbated by the, "honest as the day is long", Dutch farmers
    who ignore the ban on movement of animals.

    Much to the surprise of the Dutch, other countries have now banned the
    import of Dutch pigs and pork. Ah well what goes around comes around,
    as they say.

    However my faith in the Dutch government's iron grip on the situation
    was reinforced last week when a man from the Ministry arrived at our
    abode to inspect our pigs. Unfortunately he could not give me the
    details of any EU subsidies I could claim for not breeding any pigs.

    Jamie.
                                                             

    FYI, my mole at the Commission tells me that the blame for this
    outbreak, as for the previous one, can be laid at the feet of the
    Germans. Incidentally, I gather that the Dutch have exported more than
    1.5million pigs since January this year alone, mostly to Germany and
    Spain; no sign of any reported outbreaks there... Fancy that.
    
    Cheers, Laurie.

    "Is this sodomy?" asked Tom, half in Earnest.

    Jamie.

    I'm going to get a Celebris 5200 desktop pc (pentium 200 Mhz, 32 Mb
    memory, 2.1 Gb disk), 21 inch monitor, Windows-NT Workstation 4.0,
    MS-Office, MS-Explorer, Xcursion (X-terminal).

    The upgrade will be happening over the next few weeks. Everything has
    been carefully planned and I am not to panic.

    There is one tiny worry. I received two copies of the memo telling me
    all this.

    Jamie.

>    I'm going to get a Celebris 5200 desktop pc (pentium 200 Mhz, 32 Mb
 
	I'm currently using a 6200 GL (P pro 200) with lots of goodies.

R.

(Where's the 'mine's bigger than Laurie's' topic?)

    Pa!
    
    Twin 233 Processors 512MB Memory etc etc etc
    
    Beat That!
    
    gerbil$alpha_server

I have two Concurrent CPM 80 machines with two 5.5 inch floppy
drives and 80 mb hard drive each.







I only paid a fiver for them.

Simon

>    There is one tiny worry. I received two copies of the memo telling me
>    all this.
    
    No worries, Jamie. You can throw both copies out, I'll be doing the
    upgrade and I have my own plans...
    
    Cheers,
    
    Ad$Pentium_grocer

    Doomed I tell ye, we're all doomed!
    
    Jamie.

>    Twin 233 Processors 512MB Memory etc etc etc
    
>    Beat That!
    
   	Easy peasy......I've got the cursor on chefs!

R.

    
    	welcome back, jamie.
    	i missed you.

    Well, here in Dublin we (5 of us) chose a horse in the National and put
    5 quid each way on each one. We agreed to split the winnings. My horse,
    Lord Gyllene came in 1st at 14-1
    
    Yes!
    
    Cheers, Laurie.

    WELL DONE LAURIE! 
    
    Backed Feathered Gale myself. He won the Digital Galway Plate  about 3
    years ago.
    
    I am tipping a horse called Poteen to win the 2000 Guineas, but should
    I put that info in the drinks column?
    
    What put you on Lord Gyllene ?
    
    I reckon you won about 11 quid each, or did you have any placed horses?
    
    ..Kevin..

    As some of you know, my current desk has a great view across the lawn
    to the main road.
    
    Today we are being entertained by the local gendarmes stopping 
    cars coming over the bridge, since this is a fairly busy dual carridge
    way this is causing some interesting braking techniques by the locals.
    most cars seem to be let go after a quick chat, but we are accumulating
    a fair number of residents, the owners of which seem to be in earnest
    conversation with the said boys in blue.
    
    It's a nice day, maybe they just felt like a day out in the open?
    
    We've yet to spot a pattern on what cars they stop but there is a very
    distinct pattern in the method.
    
    One motorcycle heads west, one east, the eastbound hides itself behind
    the bus stop, the west bound one goes along the other carridge way,
    over the bridge around the roundabout and returns with 1/2(ish) dozen cars
    in front, Number 1,3,5,7 of these get stopped the only exceptions are
    if it's a bus then the next car in line gets it!
    
    gerbil$at_lunch

    What about poor old Smith's Stand? It went over a fence, fell and then
    I didn't see it moving - had to be destroyed. Awful! Did you see Jenny
     Pitman on Saturday? She was all bubbly when being interviewed before
     the race, then when the bomb threat came she was in tears. 
    Smith's Stand was her horse - bad luck.
    
    Having very briefly been an equetrienne (until i fell off), I can
    appreciate the effort in jumping all tos fences and managing to stay on
    the horse.) I couldn't even manage half a circuit of an indoor ring at a 
    slow gallop.
    
    
    Joan 
                                  

I put a very late bet (Monday afternoon) on Buckboard Bounce - my 
managers husband phoned in the tip and half the office put a pound each 
way on it, came 4th at 40-1 so a bit of a result considering my two 
original Saturday flutters came  6th or pulled up before the end.

All the five o'clock finishers ran to the pub round the corner to watch 
it as well so although Saturdays action was disgusting the race was not 
ruined altogether..

Andrea

     >What put you on Lord Gyllene ?
    
    um, I'll try that one again. The above was meant to mean:
    
    Why did you decide to bet on the horse called Lord Gyllene?
    
    re the one that got killed. Yes it is very sad. I used to campaign
    against the GN because as a racing fan, I hate the way horses bred for
    the flat were getting killed in it. Alverton was the best example. But
    since they changed the fences horses can fall without getting killed or
    injured. However, there is a need for civilised and sensible
    instructions to jockeys and also training methods. If you train a horse
    to run within himself and not get exhausted, and then ride
    appropriately, accidents will be reduced. I didn't see the race, but I
    understand this horse was a front runner who was on the second circuit. 
    So they question arises as to whether he was asked too much. There is
    certainly a problem that many of the horses are running out of the
    handicap, which means they have no real chance. Ie if a hacker plays
    Nick Faldo off scratch, you can be sure that Faldo would win.
    
    Nowadays there is a tendency towards front running superfit horses.
    Okay if they win, but hazardous, as the speed is dangerous, as John
    Francombe pointed out after the Cheltenham disasters in 96.
    
    ..Kevin.. 

    I bet on Lord Gyllene because I read the form in the Irish Times and
    liked the look of it. Nothing scientific.
    
    Cheers, Laurie.

    I'm pleased to see Laurie's better at picking horses than he is at
    picking Formula 1 teams	;-)
    
    gerbil$top_10

    Spuffington, Go Ballistic, Dexter Something and Nathan Lad....shit I'd
    have better odds on the lottery.
    
    You're all a bucnh of jammy gets.
    
    Chris :-)

    RE: .32
    
    Last year I was last in the fantasy F1! However, it's early days yet,
    my lad...
    
    Cheers, Laurie.

    
    	chris,
    
    	i heard from willy... i guess he's fine.
    	he's not very informative aside from the
    	odd twonk-ish thought or two.
    
    	but he sez hi.

    
    Re: .35
    
    I suppose you had to be there to understand that.
    
    Chris

    Denise,
    
    It's very hot here in the UK at the moment, so he's probably flat out,
    drinking Pimms, hence the "not very informative" mail and the
    "twonk-ish" thoughts.
    
    How's Seany Boy Walton then ?  I think he's AWOL,
    
    Chris
    PS. Chris W, Denise doesn't really exist, she's a random sentence
    generator which is currently on Beta within Digital ;-)
    

     >>she's a random sentence generator
    
    AHA! I hadn't realised...
    
    the sw is not bad though, it makes quite a reasonable job of simulating
    intelligence :-)
    
    ..Kevin..

    Yesterday whilst driving back from the hospital I was listening to BBC
    WS on the car radio. They were interviewing Arthur C. Clark, as this
    month is the month HAL was supposed to have first been powered up.

    He told a rather amusing tale about a convention he had been at
    recently to mark the event. 

    They had a competition to find the best "First Words" spoken by HAL
    when he was first booted up.

    Arthur's contribution was, "Gentlemen I feel my mind is growing!"
    This was a parody on his last words, "I feel my mind is going

    The winning entry was, "Gentlemen I have taken the liberty of removing
    Windows95 from the hard drive."

    I was laughing so hard I found it difficult to drive.   
    
    Jamie. 
          

    
    Re: .38
    
    No it doesn't.
    
    Chris

RE:      <<< Note 21.37 by COMICS::SUMNERC "OpenVMS Counter Intelligence" >>>

>>    PS. Chris W, Denise doesn't really exist, she's a random sentence
>>    generator which is currently on Beta within Digital ;-)
    
    Really? I thought that was someone else... ArfArf!
    
    Cheers, Laurie.

    
    But can it write poetry?
    
    Chris

    ArfArf!!!
    
    No, but then, nor can the other one!
    
    Cheers, Laurie.

    	
    	poetry?? you want poetry?
    
    
    	This is the story of Mr. Winpenny
    	He's what he is cuz he hasn't had enny
    	It's been as long as many a yonk
    	Which is why he is a dead boring plonk.

    
    Sob.
    
    Chris

    Well (Rod?), it's almost bad enough...
    
    Laurie.

    
    	mr::WINPENNY,
    	
    	you'll have to be a little more sincere than that.
    	(i really expected you to be mildly amused...
    	which is as emotional as you'll allow yourself to get.)
    
    	laurie,
    
    	leave rod out of it, please... he wouldn't see the humour
    	in it anyways...
    
    	and how about those caps, eh??

    There was a software packet called DENISE
    It installed anywhere with great ease
    But in simulating intelligence
    It was really just a pretence
    Which was why noone charged license fees

    Don't give up the day job...

    
    	::MANNERINGS!
    	are you saying i'm cheap or easy???
    
    	can't have it both ways.

    My understanding is that you are cheap, easy and have it both ways.
    
    Was that slanderous?
    
    Hugs
    
    Andrew

    The software is free of charge, and easy to install. That is clear
    enough isn't it DENISE ?
    
    ..Kevin..

    
    Simple is the word I would have chosen.
    
    Chris

    Harry comes home with some weird tales sometimes. Here is a typical
    example.

    He got a call over the weekend that he had a post mortem waiting for
    him at one of the peripheral hospitals of his practice. So on Monday
    morning he drove there and descended into the bowels of the building
    where they hide the post mortem room.

    There he discovered two clinicians who wished to observe. On checking
    the fridges he discovered that an essential person was missing, the
    patient!

    He trotted back up to reception, they have not yet run a phone to the
    PM room, and inquired where his victim was. The reception phoned
    through to the first floor and told him the body would be delivered to
    the PM room shortly.

    He went back downstairs and eventually a nurse arrived carrying the
    body of a baby who had not survived the trauma of birth. It appears
    that this was the second time that the mother had had this happen, thus
    the post mortem request. 

    However she had insisted on keeping the body in a cot by her bedside,
    from Saturday morning until Monday morning, at a nice warm room
    temperature. Harry surprised himself by keeping his cool, but did
    question the point of doing a PM on a now nicely rotting corpse. He did
    admit that cosmetically it looked ok on the outside.

    The nurse them rocked him on his heels by asking when the mother could
    have it back!

    Harry did tell the nurse that it might not be too good an idea to let
    the mother see her baby after he was finished with it. He also added
    that the technician sews up after he has done the PM, and as it was
    only a baby the technician was not needed at the actual PM and would
    call round later.

    He then did the PM and got out of the hospital before the you know what
    hit the fan.

    Jamie.
                     

    
    	granted, i'm not fully abreast of hospital protocol in regards
    	to a death...
    	but wasn't that request by the mother a little odd??
    	and weirder still...wasn't the hospital's acquiescence
    	a bit out of the ordinary?
    
    	<shudders to think> 

    Apparently a mother of her a first new born child is not the most
    rational of beings.

    Given that in this case she had lost 2 in delivery, it might have been
    easier to hit the pathologist's hot button than hers. At least you
    could reason with him.

    Jamie.

    
    	...reason with harry over a mother?
    	i suppose it's just as easy to administer tranqs	
    	to either one.

    
    	oh jamie, dear...
    	i've heard from rod... you'll be glad to know.
    	he wanted me to relay this article he read in the daily
    	mail about a woman who had a heart transplant from a
    	guy who died in a motorcycly crash... she claims she
    	is taking on some of his personality...
    
    	is it just the drugs or is there some viable reason for
    	this?? (rod wants to know...so do i as a matter of fact)

Q:  How many internet mail list subscribers does it take
    to change a light bulb?

A:  1,331:
        1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail
          list that the light bulb has been changed
       14 to share similar experiences of changing light
          bulbs and how the light bulb could have been
          changed differently.
        7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
       27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
          changing light bulbs.
       53 to flame the spell checkers
      156 to write to the list administrator complaining about
          the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness
          to this mail list.
       41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
      109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and
          to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
      203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar,
          alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing
          light bulbs be stopped.
      111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we
          are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts
          **are** relevant to this mail list.
      306 to debate which method of changing light
          bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs,
          what brand of light bulbs work best for this
          technique, and what brands are faulty.
       27 to post URLs where one can see examples of
          different light bulbs
       14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and
          to post corrected URLs.
        3 to post about links they found from the URLs that
          are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs
          relevant to this list.
       33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote
          them including all headers and footers, and then
          add "Me Too."
       12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing
          because they cannot handle the light bulb
          controversey.
       19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
        4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
        1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
       47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion
          was meant for, leave it here.
      143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

    
    My wife forwarded me some junk e-mail I'd received at home and God
    knows how but she also sent it back to the originator and then again to
    the entire distribution list.
    
    So you can add '1 DGU to act as decoy for the original sender' to the
    list
    
    Chris

    
    	so let me get this right, 1,332...
    	the folks at the old joke mill are gonna love this!

    Re .58

    >she claims she is taking on some of his personality...
    
    >is it just the drugs or is there some viable reason for this?? (rod
    >wants to know...so do i as a matter of fact)
     
    Consider the following and make up your own mind.

    1. The heart is mainly a lump of specialised muscle.

    2. A donor heart has no connection to the host's nervous system or brain.

    3. Immediately post op the patient is on very high doses of
       cyclosporine and steroids whilst being on normal doses of morphine,
       not to mention the other drugs being given.

    4. The patient is suffering from massive surgical shock.

    5. The patient is suffering from massive psychological shock.

    A couple of little things make me suspicious about this tale. 

    Only recently has it become possible for a woman to receive an organ
    from a man, there were rejection problems.

    The size of the donor must more or less be the same as the recipient.
    You cannot put a heart that is too large in a body that is too small,
    although the opposite is possible.

    They are VERY cagey about giving the recipient any details about the
    donor. This woman seems to know an awful lot about the donor.
    Officially all I was told was the heart that I got came from Germany.
    All the rest of the details came accidentally from someone speaking to
    Harry as a Doctor rather than a friend of the patient.
    
    Jamie.

RE:         <<< Note 21.62 by IJSAPL::ANDERSON "Now noting in colour!"" >>>

>>    Only recently has it become possible for a woman to receive an organ
>>    from a man, there were rejection problems.

    FNNNAAARRR!!!!!!
    
    Cheers, Laurie.

    Laurie, sooner or later they will work out that I play your straight
    man, as it were.

    Jamie.

    
    In my diary for today, it says "Pesach". 
    What does that mean ?
    
    Julie.
    

    Pesach is the Jewish festival of spring.

    Jamie.

    Pesach = Passover
    

    
    	thank you, jamie.
    	i figured as much that there isn't any medically viable
    	reason that the heart recipient could `inherit' some of the
    	previous heart's host characteristics.
    
    	it's just rod being a romantic.
    
    	may i send him your note, please?

As it 'appens, I just got a note from the said Rod, telling me he had spent a 
week in Majorca tearing around like a delinquent on his bike.  I suspect it is 
in fact he who has had the greaser's transplant and his question was on the 
lines of " ... I have a friend who is ......."

    
    Re: .65
    
 >  In my diary for today, it says "Pesach".
 >  What does that mean ?
    
    It means ODE...
    
    For today it should say Tuesday.
    
    Chris

    
    	i got that same mail, i'm afraid.
    	and well.... i really can't think of anybody wanting
    	to cycle around in a place where you can siesta your
    	whole life away in...and drink wine.
    
    	sad indeed.

    >may i send him your note, please?

    Sure.

    Jamie.

    
    	i did...
    	that should dash any of his sentimental beliefs, you know.
    
    	...and thank you.

    On Saturday Harry had to go it IJmuiden to help record some Christmas
    carols for a CD that will be issued later in the year.

    This left me free so Barbi and I went to a huge permanent flea market
    that is held just outside Utrecht.

    Some of the stalls are barbers' shops so I decided to have my fast
    growing locks cut.

    Unfortunately I chose an "ethnic" barber. Our only common tongue was
    Dutch and we vied for the position of least knowledge of it.

    However I did manage to put across the idea that I wanted it shorter
    and he happily obliged.

    Now thanks to my rather prominent ears, my head now resembles a major
    international sports trophy. Harry *HATES* it when I get my hair cut
    short. Ah well it'll grow out in a couple of weeks.

    The kittens are now taking a distinct interest in the world around
    them. They ended up with the names; Boots, Betterwear and Babycham.

    Betterwear was climbing the curved side of the nest and made a
    discovery about gravity, center-of-balance and her base. She climbed up
    the curve so far that she fell over backwards.

    In the nest they bat each other with their paws. Outside the nest they
    try to stand up and walk, rather than crawl. Alas if they lift a paw to
    bat another kitten they tend to tilt over in direction of the lifted
    paw. It is the perplexed expression that goes across their faces when
    it happens that wipes me out.

    Yesterday a couple came to look at the nest and decided that they will
    have Babycham. Another pair are coming this evening and we think that
    they may be after Boots.

    But at least we have them for 16 weeks.

    Jamie.

    >>* In February, the Palm Springs (Calif.) Regional Airport Commission
    >>issued hygiene rules for cab drivers serving the airport,  including
    >>requiring drivers to shower daily with soap, brush with toothpaste, and
    >>eat breath mints.  After vociferous complaints, the Commission softened
    >>the specifics on "fresh breath" and "pleasant body odor."  Said cabbie
    >>Ken Olson to the Commission, "You're not my mother." 
      ^^^^^^^^^
    
    So that's what he's upto these days
    
    gerbil$hugs

    In a moment of insanity on Sunday, I succumbed to the gentle
    persuasion of my beloved RKE and bought a bicycle. Mad? Me? Never!
    This is part of a plan to attempt to get fit and have fun!
    
    Having not ridden a bike since I was a teenager I was more than
    slightly dubious about maintaining my balance, especially when it
    dawned on me that I'd have to ride the bike home (about 2 miles) while
    RKE sat in the comfort of the car! I managed, I survived, RKE got his
    bike out and we headed off to the Goose & Granite in the town centre
    for a celebratory decaffeinated coffee!! I must be getting old, the
    other drinkers in the pub shouldn't have been out of nappies!
    
    Yesterday was spent on another bike run, off to Halfords to look at
    bike carriers for one or two of the cars (we're off on holiday to
    Gloucestershire next week so decided we'd take the bikes and have bit
    of a cycling holiday). We then cycled back to the bike shop to get the
    seat lowered on my bike - I can now touch the ground when I'm sat on
    it! Going home was agony - I've got muscles aching where I didn't even
    know I had muscles. Still, it can only get better and the prospect of
    buying a pair of padded cycling shorts is keeping me going. And there
    is one upside - RKE looks great in shorts when he's sat on a bike! He
    leads - I follow!
    
    Goldy.

    Great stuff Goldy. Get a helmet is my advice, motorists take more
    notice of you and there are a lot of fatal head injuries on bikes which
    could be avoided if people wore a helmet.
    
    ..Kevin.. 

    Goldy!
    
    Over here they have a gadget for bikes that might help you.
    
    It's a little trailer that attaches to the back and is formed 
    to be exactly 1 beer crate in size.
    
    Perfect for the end of a long ride	;-)
    
    gerbil$sold_his_bike

    Speaking of fluff, a picture of three little fluff balls, Boots,
    Butterscotch and Babycham with their mother looking on is available on
    COEN::KITS.JPG. 

    Jamie.

    
    Jamie,
    
    What happened to Betterware ?
    
    Julie.
    

    Harry liked Butterscotch so she got called that.
    
    Jamie.

    Well, a big zero here!
    
    Cheers, Laurie.

    Same here.
    
    Alta Vista - but I can't be bothered.
    
    Andrew

    >12. ...If I ever get out of here...
    
    Band on the Run - Wings?
    
    Brian

    25 is Billy Bragg
    
    dunno the name of the song but the main line is
    
    I'm not lookin for New England I'm lookin for another girl
    
    great song. great record.
    
    best line is something like
    
    I'm the milkman of human kindness and I'll bring you another pint
    
    ..Kevin.. 

    >I'm not lookin for New England I'm lookin for another girl
    Kirsty McCall (sp ?) - New England
    
    
    Chris
    
    

    
    Re: .82
    
     2. Good Vibrations, Beach Boys
    
    13. Something to do with "Rubber Bullets"
    
    Chris

    
    	don't fear the reaper by the blue oyster cult!!!
    
    	good taste!

    > 17. ...My skin is raw and my soul is ripe...
    
    Bat Out Of Hell - Meatloaf ?
    
    > 22. ...Your poison letter your telegram...
    
    Since You've Been Gone - Rainbow
    
    > 23. ...We're caught in a trap I can't hold back
    
    Lost In Music - ?????
    
    

    
    I think I've got 3, and some others are familiar, but dunno at the mo !
    
    
    12.    Band on the run      Wings
    15.    Manic Monday         Bangles
    23     Suspicious Minds     Elvis Presley
    
    
    Julie.

    
    Re: .79
    
    That mother's got a wicked haircut.
    
    Chris

    >18.	...They do it down on Camber Sands...
    
    "Pulling Mussels From A Shell" - Squeeze
    
    Dom