Conference turris::womannotes-v2

>     Where did you meet your current lover?
 
On CONNECT, an interactive computer conerencing system at RPI, frequented
by most of us techno-dweebs there.   He didn't even go to RPI, a alum with
a guest account.  He said "Hi" to me whenever I logged on for 3 months
before I even really noticed his existence.
   
>     Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship with
>    you?
 
Ha!  Through a friend.  A classic "matchmaker" scenario.  I wouldn't hve
believe it would ever worked, haivng had few experiences with that, all of
them dismal failure.  Denise decided he was the perfect guy for me (having
known me for about a year, and him for about 2 weeks.)  So she introduced
me to him, and a bunch of us went out together.  I was infatuated instantly,
but he was pursuing *her* and hardly noticed I existed.  Two days later
she told him she wasn't interested - then he called me.  I tease him about
being his "second choice" to this day!
   
>     Where do single people meet other single people that are interested in
>    relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?
 
I haven't the faintest idea.  It has always been very easy for me; about
80% of the men I have met have been through a computer in one way or another.
CONNECT at school, bulletin boards while I was in HS, the SINGLES notesfile
last summer...  About 15% I met through school, classes and clubs and
rallies and whatnot.  Now that I am out of school, and might like to meet
someone who *isn't* a technodweeb, I have no idea where to look!

D!   

>     Where did you meet your current lover?
Work.
    
>     Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship with
>    you?
Ditto.
    
>     Where do single people meet other single people that are interested in
>    relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?
I don't know. I was always looking for a one night stand.    
	Mez

    > Where did you meet your current lover?
    
    I fell off of my chair into his arms at a Neil Young concert.
    
    > Where did you meet the lover who shared your relationship with you?
    
    Ditto.
    
    > Where do singles go looking for relationships?
    
    Here I'm clueless.  I always thought one just lived a life and met
    folks and what happened happened. I'm tempted to say 'where-ever they
    want.'
    
      Ann

    
    
    We met initially thru his best friend.  Our first "date" was
    arranged to introduce his best friend to my best friend.  HIs
    best friend is a 110 pound Gordon Setter/mix named Mogul.  My
    best friend is a Standard Poodle named Morgan.
    
    
    All in all, I think the dogs have had a better relationship
    than we have :-)
    
    Deb
    
    

I met my husband at work (not DEC), and he also happens to be the longest 
relationship I ever had.

How do singles meet?

This happened to a friend of mine who is also a neighbour, so I know it to be 
true:

Sylvia had been married for 4 years (known the guy for 2 years before that) and
was in the clinic giving birth to their second child, when her husband decided 
he wanted his freedom back. By the time she got out of the clinic (less than a
week) he had moved out. She had thus no husband, no job, 1 2-year-old, and 1
baby. She got a justifiably high child support/alimony out of him, and some help
from the social services of our village. However, her self-confidence was com-
pletely shattered, and she decided she needed another man in her life to help
restore her mental health.

She thus put an ad in the appropriate column of a local newspaper: "30 year old
divorced woman, good-looking, 2 small children, having been greatly disappoin-
ted in her marriage, is looking for a man who will give her back her confidence,
love her children, and support her financially".

She got back... 76 answers! She discarded the obvious jokers, discussed with
her close friends some of the "possibles", and finally met two of the guys, 
outside of her home. After several months, she decided neither was what she was 
looking for, and put a second add. This time she got around 50 answers, again 
selected two... and one of them was IT. They're still together 5 years later.

This may not work for everybody, and she is actually the only person I know who 
met her partner that way, but still it does show that it works once in a while!

Joana

    > Where did you meet your current lover?
    
    At work.
    
    > Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship
      with you?
    
    At work.  (different lover, different job)
    
    > Where do single people meet other single people that are interested
      in relationships?
    
    I really don't know.  Try work.
    
    

    > Where did you meet your current lover?
    
    Thru a community co-ed soccer league. 
    
    > Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship
      with you?
    
    See above.
    
    As to where to meet people, I'm no authority.  I consider myself a
    failure at dating, as I never knew how to play that game.  The dates I
    approached as dates never went anywhere.  Met all of my relationships
    thru group activities -- sports teams, after-work with co-workers, community
    orchestras.  So I usually had some experience talking with the person
    and observing him around other people before I had to carry an evening
    myself.
    

    Re .2 (Mez)
    
    We have more than one nightstand(s) at Main Street Furniture in
    White River Junction!
    
    Briana

    I've met all of my SO's at college....through groups, clubs, shared
    interests.....
    
    -Jody
    

    Re .2, Mez, if you're really looking for a one-night stand, my guess
    would be that the Singles file would be a good place to start. (he-he)
     Also, noters parties aren't a bad source either.  :-)
    
    Re .0, I met my longest relationship (so far), my ex-husband, in
    a bar.  I had just broken up with my former boyfriend a few days
    before and had talked a girlfriend into going with me to a club
    on Friday night.  (This was 1971, and I was 21.)  I was feeling
    momentarily disgusted with dating, and had decided not to bother
    with men for awhile, :-), so I didn't dress up.  I wore old
    bell-bottomed jeans, a t-shirt, flat brown sandals, had long bushy
    hair and no make-up.  When I walked in I noticed a guy turn and
    stare fixedly at me.  I remember thinking, "What's *his* problem?"
    and I gave him a dirty look.  As soon as I sat down he ran over
    and asked me to dance, even before I had time to order a drink.
     We spent the evening talking about our favorite books and our time
    in the military, among other things.  He asked for my number and
    actually *called*.  The next day I told my best girlfriend that
    I had met "the nicest guy I've ever met in my life."  Well, it started
    out really nice before it ended in divorce 15 yrs. after we met.
     
    I met the next relationship at work, and the current one sent me
    mail because of a reply I had put in Mennotes that he found touching.
    
    I would still suggest bars and clubs for people under 25, and work,
    notes, parties, and just keeping your eyes open for people over
    25.
    
    Lorna
    
    P.S.  But, Mark, the most romantic meeting I've ever had was actually
    when I met my favorite cat, Raven, in the pet shop at Noah's Ark
    in Shrewsbury.  I just *knew* in an instant we were meant for each
    other.... :-)  (I'd hate to say how many times I've looked at Raven
    and said, Why can't you turn into a human man and still be as
    wonderful?  I think he would look like Tom Cruise but my boyfriend
    thinks he would look more like Danny Devito.  Of course if he did
    turn into a human man it would be the old joke...are you ever gonna
    be sorry you had *me* fixed.)  :-)
      

Current:

	initially, at a noter's party.
	later, she called me.


Longest:

	Work (pre-DEC)


Where to meet single folks:

	work, community theater, friends of friends, parties

							--D

    Re: .10

    > P.S.  But, Mark, the most romantic meeting I've ever had was actually
    > when I met my favorite cat, Raven, in the pet shop at Noah's Ark
    > in Shrewsbury.  I just *knew* in an instant we were meant for each
      
    Lorna, how long ago did you get Raven at Noah's Ark? I ask because my
    daughter, also named Melissa (nice  name) :-), works there.

    Just think, my daughter might have played matchmaker. :-)

      Alan

    I went to my best friend's New Year's Eve party, 1882. My resolution
    was to sware off men for a while. A long while. I met a man there
    whom I liked. He ended up seeing me to my car and taking my number
    while he went back to the party and slept with one of the other
    guests! (she ended up married to yet ANOTHER guest.) Crazy night.
    
    I was the one who introduced my best friend to her EX-husband and
    he's the most miserable %*stard in the free world. I guess she was
    just paying me back :^|!
    
    Words of wisdom: Almost the only kind of guys you meet in bars drink.
    Go for the ones you meet from the bowling league or through friends.
    
    Kate
     

    Well I can't be the only one, but I'll fess up...HIT::SINGLES!
    That was over a year and half ago...

    And Lorna I didn't like your one night stand slur about Singles (I
    saw the smiley), I know a half dozen couples that have met through 
    Singles, we are all just regular people, no more or less likely to 
    have one nighters.  

    Others...at work (nonDEC)

    Where do people meet? Community activities, friends/parties and laundry
    mats.
    
    Gail

    
    Current:  During my radio show, while I was playing thrash metal.
    
    Longest:  Out at a restaurant with a lot of people, sitting at a
    	      table that was far too small, and taking out his ribs
              with a series of elbow jabs while cutting my food.
    
    Where: Anywhere where you enjoy being, doing whatever you enjoy
           doing
    
    Lisa

   re. kate

    >>               -< If I Could Turn Back Hands of Time >-
    
    >>I went to my best friend's New Year's Eve party, 1882. My resolution

       it looks like you *did* turn back the hands of time with just a 
       stroke on the keyboard(-:

   ~robin       
     

    Currrent Lover: Through an mutal communtiy event ie he just turned
    into a fiance just this past Sunday  :-)!!!!!!
    
    Longest: With this man, 26 months and still going, boy my first
    marriage only lasted 7 months due to health problems, like he tried
    to slice my throat and I decided that was enough.
    
    How to meet other singles??? for whatever prupose you have, !!!!
    
    Find the ones that have the same intrests that was your nights and
    days aren't so lonely Mike and I go league bowling, we share his
    kids, share intrest in camping, hiking, Found out a long time ago
    with a ex boyfriend, if you don't share ome common intrests then
    you don't see much of each other. but then what ever foats your
    boat, do it.
    
    Lise K.

Hey Gail, I'm a regualar people too! (Like I told a co-worker, sluts are people
too).

But, in case I've been too oblique, the only one-night-stands I'm looking for
are with Joe, now.
	Mez

    Where did I meet my current lover?
    
    Easy ... in the fax room (that hotbed of activity!) at DEC.
    We are both from Mass, relocated down here to the DC area, started
    talking and wham!  He asked me out to lunch.  We've been going strong
    ever since, and he's been my best friend since we first met.  I
    see the bond between us getting stronger as time passes.  Hope we
    stay together for a LONG time!
    
    Where did meet my lover with whom I was involved with the longest?
    
    I worked at the Worcester Centrum as a hostess, he worked for Don
    Law, Tea Party Concerts.  We became very close friends, then one
    day I gave him a friendship card.  Two days later, we went to the
    Cape for the weekend (he has a house in West Harwich) with all his
    friends, and became lovers.  We were together for five years, and
    have been close friends, even after I ended the relationship 4 years
    ago.  Now we've been friends for almost 10 years, I can't imagine
    him not still being a part of my life, and he feels the same way.
    It's too bad we couldn't work things out ... he will make a wonderful
    husband and father someday!
    
    Tammi
    
    

    I am reading this with great interest.  It's been about 5 years
    since I've been on a date and I would *really* like to meet someone.
     Problem:  I love to dance, but don't drink and am very uncomfortable
    with the club/bar scene.  I also detest going places by myself,
    parties included.  (Other than notes parties that I haven't gotten
    to yet, I haven't been invited to anything in years.)  There's lots
    of things I like to do, but all of them leave me feeling like the
    'odd man out' as everyone else there is already happily married.
    
    Any suggestions, folks?
    
    And for the original note -
    
    What current lover?
    
    Met my ex-husband in college.  Should have tried to meet more people.
    
    Alison

    My husband of sixteen years is by far the the longest relationship
    I've had (I'm 36).  We've known each other since second grade. 
    He was the boy next door (actually, across the street).  We started
    dating shortly after I reached puberty and were married two months
    after my 20th birthday, he was 21. Twelve years later we started 
    our family.
    
    We met on the playground across the street from our home :^).
    
    
    Jodi-
    
    

    
    Lauren and I met at the Pierre Monteux seminar for conductors and
    orchestral players in Hancock, Maine the summer of 1979. I was a
    conductor and she was an orchestral player, though we both played in
    the viola section. It was- I am blushing as I write this- love at first
    sight (at least on my part, she will say only that she knew that I
    would always be her friend; apropos another topic, it took her quite a
    while to decide that to 'fall in love' with me and it took me quite a
    while to value her as friend in addition to major heart-throb).
    Basically, we have been together ever since and it has been the longest
    'relationship' for both of us.
    
    As it happens, I  seem to meet a fair number of single people: at work,
    doing music, etc. I suppose, however, that since I'm a happily married 
    boy-o that information might be considered irrelevent.
    

    How did I meet my lover/husband?

    On a trail ride with friends. We were riding on his dad's ranch and
    he opened the gate to let us through. For both better and worse we
    were together for 15 years. No other relationship I had was for more
    than 2 years.

    Where to meet people? I wish I knew, I'm in school at night, play my
    instrument (french horn) in various events, and do a lot of trail
    riding through the woods of Colorado. I go to the opera, walk my
    dogs through the Garden of the Gods (where there are sometimes
    hordes of people), walk around the mall, go to movies with my
    girlfriends, attend occasional parties and happy hours with friends.
    Have met a lot of people but no men that ever followed up on it.
    I've met some great guys through notes but they all live 2,000 miles
    away. (it's always something)liesl

    Re: .22
    
    Upper case *and* paragraphs in the same reply.
    
    I'm impressed. :-)
    
      Alan

    I met my ex-husband at a dungeon (the fantasy role-playing kind, not
    the S&M kind!). 
    
    I was invited to the dungeon by people at work, and it was an all-DEC
    group anyway, so I think of it as a work-related meeting. In fact, work
    has been my "best place to meet people" for ages now, largely because
    it's the only place I spend much time aside from my own house. (Not too
    many passing strangers *there* - which is probably just as well!) 
    
    The down side of meeting people only at work is that it limits your
    choices quite a bit, and it can make for some unpleasantness if things
    don't work out. So I expect it's a good idea to make the occasional
    effort to talk to someone outside of the work environment now and then.
    (Does waving at the mailman count?)
    
    -b

I hate to admit it, but Mark and I met in a bar.  It's not as bad as it sounds
though, because we'd been staring at each other in an EE class and at the 
library for *months*!!  In fact, we'd even worked ourselves up to some timid, 
"hi"s and smiles.  I guess it just took the atmosphere of UCONN's noisest beer
hall (at which I worked) to bring out our more adventurous sides!

That was 2.5 years ago and it's been smooth sailing ever since.  This also 
happens to be my longest relationship.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'd have to agree with all the
folks that suggest getting out and doing stuff you like.  Hopefully stuff that
brings you into contact with other people!  To those who don't feel comfortable
with the club/bar scene, what about taking a college course?  There's always
a lot of interesting people to meet, students are of all ages (my mom just 
graduated last year), and besides, there's always professors ;^)

Sue

<At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'd have to agree with all the
<folks that suggest getting out and doing stuff you like.  Hopefully stuff that
<brings you into contact with other people!  To those who don't feel comfortable
<with the club/bar scene, what about taking a college course?  There's always
<a lot of interesting people to meet, students are of all ages (my mom just 
<graduated last year), and besides, there's always professors ;^)

    Well, I guess it must be me then cause I DO all those things. My
    experience at school (where I have been for years regardless of
    marital status) is that MOST of the people in my classes are women.
    Since my husband(separated) is a major player on the campus I don't
    feel comfortable getting too involved in school activities. It's
    especially painfull when I run across him with his new girlfriend.

    I have friends from my music, my horse, my work and my school. I
    know my family loves me. I live in a beautiful place and my life has
    been easy by comparison to most of the worlds population. I force
    myself to count my blessings repeatedly. I'm almost ashamed to get
    so depressed over being alone when so many have *real* problems. And
    yet I do. I am happy much of the time, I save my grieving for
    occassional outbursts in notes and late at night. But always at the
    fringe of awareness there is an ache that can't be soothed. Perhaps
    that's why I spend so much time reading poetry, perhaps that's why
    poets write it to begin with.

    p.s. Alan, of course I can use paragraphs, it dosen't count to break
    rules you don't know about! :*)

>     Where did you meet your current lover?

	 I don't have a current lover.
   
>     Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship with
>    you?

         In college....Pat and I were in many many classes over the
         span of a year or so, before we met...Being in EE/CompE
         classes, Susan (my friend) and I were the only women in these
         classes.  Never met him, though, until beginning of my
         junior year, in an Artificial Intelligence class.  We ended
         up being lab partners, best friends, and such until Christmas
	 of my senior year.  For some reason, unknown to both of us,
	 during finals at Christmas, we decided to go to a movie to
	 relax, and ended up in each other's arms.  It was wildly
	 exciting until May, our romance never interfered with our
	 friendship, nor our schoolwork.  He was the president of our
	 honor society, and I was inducted into it....it was great! In
	 May, he graduated and moved to Colorado Springs (purely
	 coincidental) and I went to work in Phoenix as a Co-op before
	 my final semester.  We went thru a really hard summer being
	 apart, with him adjusting to being a professional engineer
	 (he's basically a work-a-holic) and I was adjusting to being
	 alone with all my friends having graduated.  We ended up
	 finally going our separate ways in October of '87.  I got a
	 job in Colorado Springs in December and we got back together,
	 off and on for the next 6 months after I moved here...but
	 finally figured best friends was better.
   
>     Where do single people meet other single people that are interested in
>    relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?

	 I'll answer this one later!  :-)    

         kat

	 ADDENDUM:

	 anyway....   :-)
	 
>     Where do single people meet other single people that are interested in
>    relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?

	 nightclubs, parties, organizations, community service
	 projects, concerts, community classes (ever taken a massage
	 class?), parks, ski resorts, softball/baseball fields,
	 football games (sports of any kind), shopping malls,
	 resturants, beaches, bowling alleys, health clubs...

	 for God's sake...I could go on forever!  Single people are
	 everywhere.....what people have to realize is that even
	 though you go the places other singles are, you aren't
	 guarenteed to meet Mr/Ms Right.  I'm a very outgoing, dynamic
	 individual, I've done everything "right" and I've spent most
	 of my life single!  no one EVER said it was easy!

	 Can you believe I didn't even get a date for my high school
	 prom?  So what?  My mom was more devastated than I was! :-)

	 My philosophy every time my mother asks me when I'm getting
	 married....."why rush?  why not kick back and let time take
	 it's toll, the way it should?"

	 You can't force something that isn't meant to be .....
	 
	 kath

    
    
    I guess one could take the 'organized' approach (not that I'm an
    expert-I managed to stay unattached for 4 whole months after my
    divorce, so I haven't had a lot of experience with single life).
    
    What type of single person do you want to meet?  Someone with 
    children?  Become involved with boy,girl or cub scouts.  Do you
    think that no life is complete without a dog or two?  How about
    dog training classes.  Is physical activity high on your list?
    Sign up for a bowling league; join the ski club; take golf les-
    sons.  Is religion a major criteria?  Become active with your
    local church or metaphysical group.
    
    Check your local newspaper for a listing of groups, clubs, organ-
    izations, seminars, even adult education classes.  Join a chess
    club. Go to PTA meetings. Become a volunteer for your local Humane
    Society.  Help out at a nursing home.  Don't overlook possibilities
    at work.
    
    I don't think meditation and prayer hurts either :-)
    
    And remember the old adage :  "Be careful what you wish for.  You just
    might get it!"
    
    

    Sounds to me from your past experiences that you're in the right
    place to find a "current lover" .... 8^)
                                    
    
    
    
    
    				Jerry

    in August 1958 I met Bill, but we went different ways as he was a
    college man and I was but a high school kid.  Twenty years later to
    the month exactly - we remet and dated and married.
    
    We first met in Florida and 20 years later met in very northern Maine.
    Like they always say, truth is stranger than fiction.

.0>      Where did you meet your current lover?


    		At a party, but then it took him 11 months to *finally* ask
    		me out, and that was with a little nudging on my part.
    
.0>     Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship with
.0>    you?

    		In Basic Training in the Air Force. Got married exactly
    		six weeks later, and divorced 13 years later.
    
.0>     Where do single people meet other single people that are interested in
.0>    relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?

    		Well, I've met over notes I've written, met at parties,
    		even the singles notes conference. I've tried Ann Landers
    		best advice and that hasn't worked yet (church) :-)...
    		flying, skiing and at the ice rink have been other
    		places....

    		I've found that I've met most of the men that I have dated
    		on a steady basis have been in situations where I was having a 
    		good time and being myself. They could see me in a situation 
    		where I wasn't tense (as opposed to single lets meet and have 
    		dinner and be inspected type dates).
    

    Re:  Note 824.20 by FSHQA1::AWASKOM 
    	 Asking for suggestions
    
    Wouldn't you care to try an ad? I know I used to read them to have
    a good laugh, which is pretty heartless, but I think that if I were
    to find myself alone, and not liking it very much, it's a way I
    would try.
    
    Like you, I love to dance, but I would be terrified of going in
    a bar/disco all by myself, and I don't drink anyway, so if I went
    into a bar/disco, I'd be so damn uncomfortable, I just wouldn't
    notice anyone, let alone allow them to notice me!
    
    The ad allows you to state who/what you are and what you are looking
    for. If you like dancing, dislike garlic and dote on dogs, it's
    worth certainly worth mentioning... 
    
    I think the SINGLES Notesfile also works this way.
    
    I understand you may just hate the idea, but you do seem to have
    tried other things and being a bit fed-up, so this is just another
    thing you may want to look at?
    
    Warm regards,
    Joana 

    I met my current lover in the Derry Room at MKO1 -- he was one of the
    people who interviewed me :-).  The romance didn't start until a year
    and a half later, when (a) he left the group, and (b) we split up with
    our respective spouses.  Obviously not a method you can really pursue!

    My longest relationship was my marriage.  I met my ex through the Society
    for Creative Anachronism, a medieval history group which studies and
    selectively recreates the Middle Ages, with feasts, tourneys, etc.  There
    are *lots* of singles involved; if you're at all interested in history, it
    might be something to check out.  There are groups all over the world. 
    Serious knowledge about the period is not required.  Send mail if you'd
    like me to get a contact for your area.

    Where to meet singles?  Other than the suggestions already mentioned, and
    with particular thought to .20, I have one addition.  If you're in the
    Boston area, check out the Dance conference at ERIS::DANCE.  There should
    be a note there mentioning whom to contact to be put on the dance mailing 
    list.  There's a group of DECies who get together every so often to go
    dancing; singles are vehemently welcome, though it's *not* intended as a
    "meat market."  I never made it to one of their outings (I live too far
    away), but they sounded like a fun way to meet people and dance!

    Beverly

    
    I met my current lover, longest relationship, best friend, and wife
    (all one person) on a train in Germany when we were both on a
    study abroad program.  After not running into each other for a
    year (on a campus of about 1000 students), being 2 out of 12 or 15
    students improved the odds considerably.
    
    As far as meeting people, if I can judge from where I've met my
    close friends, it has been school then work.  (One of the things
    I like about technical publications is that, with a little
    wanderlust and creativity, you can come up with sufficient reason
    to make contact with all sorts of other groups and individuals.)
    
    Single friends of mine have said that the best things happened for
    them when they were least consciously looking, and doing something
    they enjoyed.  One of them put it as "putting yourself in the way
    of possibilities and then forgetting you're even there."
    
    Ron

    re: .37, DEC Dance Group information (ERIS::DANCE, note 37 or so)
    
    Umm, *I* run (ran) that!  Basically, ANYONE who loves to dance was
    welcome -- singles, couples, half-couples (e.g., if your partner hates
    to dance and you love to).  I started it because I love to dance but
    most of my friends didn't, I didn't want to go by myself, and I
    thought...there must be other people like me out there!  There were.
    
    At its largest, I had over 100 people signed up.  We even split into
    subgroups (swing/oldies, Top 40, and New Wave).  However, a lot of
    people signed up but never attended a dance outing...eventually last
    December I did one last event, then quit organizing them.  
    
    So the DEC Dance Group does not exist now, actively.  I've been
    thinking lately about starting it up again, though.  Send me mail if
    you're interested and I'll dust off the mailing list!
    
    Pam

.0>	Where did you meet your current lover?
    
    	In a bar.  Honestly.  It's the only time I've ever given out my
    	phone number to someone in a bar and it's the best relationship 
    	of my life.  Go figure!
    
.0>	Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relation-
.0>	ship with you?
    
    	We swam on the same swim team.  We met when I was 14 and shared 
    	a wonderful and tumultuous relationship until I was 20.
    
.0>	Where do single people meet other single people that are
.0>	interested in relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?
    
    	Anywhere.  Walking in a park, browsing in a bookstore, parties,
    	friends of friends, psychic fairs, high school reunions, bars,
    	sports clubs, Switzerland (the men there are sooo luscious and
    	plentiful) ... basically anyplace there's oxygen!
    
    	Carla
    

    
.0>	Where did you meet your current lover?
    
    My current Lover was a roomate - she moved out shortly after we started
    dating - very sloppy to get involved with roomates - but I didn't learn
    cause ...
    
.0>	Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship 
    	with you?
    
    You guessed it my longest relationship - my ex-wife used to be a
    roomate but we didn't start until I moved out.  That was back in
    college and we found another place shortly after that.
    
.0>	Where do single people meet other single people that are
.0>	interested in relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?
    
    I agree with the person that says do what you enjoy - DO LIFE !  When
    you look for it - you won't find it - at least not quality.  But when
    you are just being yourself - someone usually falls into your lap -
    whether you expect it or not or are ready for it ...
    
    	never search - live life for yourself ... jim
    

>    I agree with the person that says do what you enjoy - DO LIFE !  When
>    you look for it - you won't find it - at least not quality.  But when
>    you are just being yourself - someone usually falls into your lap -
>    whether you expect it or not or are ready for it ...
    
>    	never search - live life for yourself ... 

 That's a really nice sentiment. However, in my case, had I done precisely that,
the chances are very high that I would still be alone today. The fact is that
most of the things I really enjoy doing rarely afford a man the opportunity to
meet a woman. (Of course, if a woman wanted to meet many, many men...) And when
women are involved, they usually "aren't my type." This is all moot at this
point...

 Answering my own questions- I met my wife at work (Raytheon). She has been
around for over four years, which makes "us" my longest relationship. I have
no clue at all about where to meet members of the opposite sex, a problem which
bothers me only because I see alot of lonely people out there (including
quite a few friends), and I don't know how to help them find someone or even
what advice to give them. 

 The Doctah

    I met my current lover, longest relationship and husband in college
    at the front desk (bell desk) of my dorm. I'd been out to a Friday
    evening meeting and was talking to the girl on duty when Don walked
    in looking for his ex girl friend. Since she and I were friends and
    I'd seen his picture on her bureau I started talking to him...:-)
    
    My parents met on a raft, one sister met her husband at a 'mixer'
    (college dance for singles) and the other sister met her husband
    in church.
    
    Bonnie

Funny, Bonnie, I met my current and longest (11 yrs) SO in college at the
bell desk too :-).  I was a junior counselor, welcoming the new freshmen, she
was, you guessed it, a new freshman -- though it was a couple of years
before we became "more than just friends".

	MKV

    > Where did you meet your current lover?
    
    Ahhh.  He first noticed me when he was working on the Art Show at
    Boskone 22 (a local science fiction convention).  I was convention
    chairman.  I first noticed *him* when, several months later, he
    called me up and asked if he could work with me on the next Boskone
    Art Show.  His phrasing made me suspect his interest was not entirely
    intellectual.
    
    We first met at the next Nesfa (New England Science Fiction Association)
    meeting.  He was a large young man.  My `suspicion' was not allayed,
    but he didn't seem the sort of person who would lunge at me at inopportune
    mements, so I allowed as how we could probably work together.
    
    I was right.  We didn't start dating until well after running the
    largest Art Show in Boskone history.
    
    > Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship
    > with you?
    
    I met my former husband in college.  (Surprise!)  I had acquired
    a bunch of friends from chemistry and math class and who were
    interested in science fiction.  I already knew his roommate, so
    he was introduced as another science fiction fan, but one who had
    lived instead of just reading it.
    
    > Where do single people meet other single people who are interested
    > in relationships?
    
    That's the trick.  As the Emperor Claudius explained in his little
    book on gambling:  If you go into the game needing to win, you'll
    probably lose.
    
    What you must do is collect the entire set of activities that you
    think you would enjoy, cast out all those in which you judge that
    you will not meet sufficient people of the appropriate gender, and
    find the one or two among the rest that you think you'd enjoy a lot.
    
    Now, this enjoyment is tricky.  The darnedest things turn out to
    be fun.  To me, driving into Cambridge on a worknight, having an
    all-women dinner, and attending a radical feminist lecture sounds
    *grim* -- but I love it!  (At one of these, AnnMarie gave me a very
    nice compliment about my dimples; if I weren't straight and Involved,
    I would have been hers from that very moment.)
    
    Collating a newsletter may sound grim.  Walking around a table,
    picking up one copy from the page 1-2 pile, making sure it's printed
    on both sides, then picking up one copy from the page 3-4 pile ...
    with a bunch of strangers?  Yucko!  But Nesfa collations are the
    best way to start up -- if you like puns and will tolerate bad ones.
    You get to meet everyone, you learn a lot about people (sometimes
    even their names), and you get to feel that warm thrum of
    accomplishmentwhich is supposed to be the whole idea.
    
    There'll be a Nesfa meeting at my house soon.  Anyone interested?
    
    						Ann B.

    "one who had lived instead of just reading it", Ann?  _That_ sounds
    interesting!
    
    						=maggie

    Ah. At last I understand the Zen of dating. If you want someone you
    will not find them. If don't, you will. liesl

Two interesting "meeting people" stories...

Sometimes you meet people in the strangest ways.  Ever feel really lonely,
go out and do something to take your mind off things, knowing there will be
lots of people and hoping that you will just happen to meet someone?  It
never works...

I once wa sin a mood like that.  Decided to go to Harvard Square, watch
street performers, eat ice cream, go book shopping, and hopefully meet Mr.
Perfect.  In Harvard Square, with hundreds of milling people. Yeah, riiight.
I was walking from my car to the square, and passed an attractive young
man sitting on a bench.  Under normal circumstances, I would have simply
passed him by without a look, or perhaps nodded.  But, feeling adventurous,
I gave him a big grin and said hi, and continued walking.  He immediately
jumped up, came running after me, and asked if he could buy me an ice
cream!  I was stunned!  (He turned out to be nice, a software engineer -
what, do we all just attract eachother like magnets or something? - but
"not my type".  We spent a pleasant afternoon, exchanged phone numbers and
never saw eachother again.  But it *could* have worked...)

Once I was driving back from Cranes Beach at the end of a long weekend
(I was foolishly naive about traffic back then.)  128 was backed up,
parking lot traffic, from Woburn to Waltham.  I mean *parking lot*.
The car stopped next to me had two young men in it, so we started smiling
and looking away games with eachother as we moved (at a roaring pace of about
1 mile per hour.)  After about an hour, traffic picked up (to about 10 mph)...
I couldn't quite talk to them over the traffic, so I wrote a note (while
driving!) on a piece o green-bar paper that was sitting in my car "Where are 
you going?", rolled it up and tossed it into their car.  They read it,
wrote a note on the back that said "Harvard Square", and held it up for
me to read.  So I followed them there, and they took me out for drinks,
and we spent the evening chatting.  (Once again software engineers - I 
do't understand - and once again exchanged numbers, and nothing ever came of
it - though this time at least I did call one of the guys to thank him
for the drinks and tell him I had a good time.) (My mother was furious
about getting the car back 3 hours late!  But it was worth it!)

D!

    That's right, liesl.  Think, "I am at my most charming and attractive
    when I'm relaxed."
    
    Maggie, his parents met while working on the Manhattan Project, he
    met Einstein, he watched the detonation of the first hydrogen bomb,
    things like that.
    
    						Ann B.

Ann, you're wonderful. Not only do we have the same taste in women, but my best
stories about meeting Joe start with something like: "I noticed him when he was
dating Dot, because he smiled a whole lot more, and looked nicer, and was more
approachable." He was indeed at his most charming and attractive when relaxed.
	Mez

    I met my hubby over a flat tire!
    
    Lynne 

    I met my fiance three years ago....through the WHOAREYOU notesfile!
    
    I love this story :)
    
    He saw my entry and sent me mail (I think it was three years ago today
    in fact!).  We arranged to meet, and it worked out great!
    
    On June 24, 1990 we'll be married!
    
    Carol

    G'Day,
    
    	I live in Sydney and went to Surfer's Paradise (about 1000km) for a
    weekend with some guys from work.  Of course we did the right thing and
    hit the water slide and that is where I met my wife.  We organised to
    go out that night and I asked her where she lived.  She said Five Dock
    to which my reply was Oh there is a Five Dock in Sydney too'.  You
    guessed it, that was the Five Dock she was from.  I go a thousand
    kilometres for a weekend and meet somebody from two suburbs away from
    where I live!
    
    	This is now my longest relationship - 6 years.
    
    David.
    

    
    
     Where did you meet your current lover?



	A mutual friend gave him my phone number and told us both that 
	we would be introduced in the near future. 
		
	We actually talked to each other when he called her house while
	I was babysitting her children.

	About a week later he finally called her again and she told him 
	to call me. He did and I invited him over. He was known by several
	of my friends for many years we just didn't ever show up at the 
	same parties at the same time. I like to believe that we wre
	both getting ready to settle down.
    
     Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship with
    you?

	Same as above. From the first time he came over I enjoyed his
	company and when I invited him for a drive in the mountains
	(I had already planned to go wit the kids and one more alongg
	for the ride could only increase my fun(and vocabulary).
	From that first weekend outing we spent every weekk-end
	doing stuff toghether. Rides in the moutains, football parties
	(so many of his friends had children and the parties were
	inclusive of kid), camping (this is the biggest test....taking
	an eithteen mths old camping with a 6 yr old.. for a bacholor
	he handled it like a pro. No great expectaions and try to have 
	a nice tme and stay warm.) 
    
     Where do single people meet other single people that are interested in
    relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?

	I believe that being yourself and doing somthing that you enjoy
	and being in an activity that will bring you in contact with
	others of similar interests(and apropriate gender for your
	tastes) will eventuall lead you to someone who has similar
    	interests and values.

	For some it might mean a Camera club or D&D club or
	volenteering for an organization like the Boys Scouts
	or the Girl Scouts. I recently went on a Leaders
	Weekend retreat for the girl scouts and there are so
	many single woman there(a lot of married ones too).
	If you are a man and a leader you would just share
	a cabin with other men(even if ye married to another
	leader you will sleep with the other males or alone).

	                                         

    
>     Where do single people meet other single people that are interested in
>    relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?


	 You will NOT believe what just happened to me.....I just
	 thought I would share it to stress the point that you can
	 meet people anywhere (and while being yourself).

	 

	 Today was my first day of tutoring at a local high school.  I
	 tutor twice a week during my lunch, just because I feel high
	 school students these days need a little extra help...and it
	 makes me feel good to help others.

	 
	 So, I walk into the Math Dept office and start talking to one
	 of the older male teachers.  Soon we start to hear this
	 really AWFUL quacking noise, and the teacher I was talking to
	 said, "Why don't you come meet Mr. Nixon."  Being the
	 obliging sort of person I am, I wander over to this classroom
	 and saunder in.....(first day of tutoring, there weren't many
	 students to tutor!)

	 As I proceed to SCRAPE MY CHIN up off the floor, Mr. Nixon
	 (Andy!) explains that the noise was his ostrich mating
	 call...or course, when the other teacher intoduced me, the
	 class busted up laughing....(He asked his class to promise to
	 not leave him alone with me.)

         Not only was this Mr. Nixon a wonderfully funny man, but he
         had complete control and was at ease with his class.....and
         not only that, but he was GORGEOUS....yes, I
         repeat....gorgeous.  In his early 30s probably, divorced, two
         little boys at home.......

         As his class started doing word problems on their own, we
         stood there and talked for a little while!  What an
         interesting man!

	 As I left, he gave me a smile and said, "I'll be looking
	 forward to seeing you Thursday."  (Little did he know I was
	 thinking the exact same thing.)

	 What a nice way to cap off the totally miserable day I am
	 having at work today.   Who knows....maybe there is
	 potential, maybe there isn't...who cares....

         The point is that it sure gives me reassurance that you *CAN*
         meet interesting, wonderful men in the darndest places.

	 kath

	 

re: .45 (Bonnie Reinke)

>    I met my current lover, longest relationship and husband in college
>    at the front desk (bell desk) of my dorm. 

re: .46 (Mary Vaskas)

> Funny, Bonnie, I met my current and longest (11 yrs) SO in college at the
> bell desk too :-).  

Let's hear it for bell desk jobs as a way to meet men!  

I lived in the only non-coed (upperclassman) women's dormitory at Duke U. 
just so I could have the work/study job at the desk where I would check 
in {or "check out" as the case could be :-] } guys visiting at night 
while I did my homework.   A more fun and social work/study job could
not be had, IMHO  (well, tutoring the basketball team was fun too, and 
I was able to get the inside scoop on the strategies for the next game, 
but that involved real work!).

Unfortunately, it was there (at the bell desk) where I met the guy I 
became involved with what turned out to be the only relationship I've 
ever completely regretted... 
{the saying "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"
 holds no credence with me}


re: .57 (Kathy Gallup)       -< Anyone want to tutor with me?  :-) >-

Kathy, proceed with caution!

I also tutor high school students in math and physics (though not
for free as it sounds like you do).   Last spring, this resulted in
my being asked to the Junior/Senior prom!!! argh.  I mean, the guy
was really sweet and attractive...but... I am about 5 years too old
for that sort of stuff... {or so I thought :-]}.   

>     The point is that it sure gives me reassurance that you *CAN*
>     meet interesting, wonderful men in the darndest places.

One example -  when I was returning home on the T after the pro-choice
rallies in Boston on July 3'rd carrying a sign on a wooden pole saying
"Abortion must be safe, legal, and funded",  no fewer than 3 absolutely
gorgeous men came up to me to discuss the Webster decision.  I must 
have looked kinda down, because the first just walked right up to me 
(I was standing), gave me a big hug, and said not to worry and something
about people would come to their senses about the issue, and got off
at the next stop.  Just as I was recovering from that, 2 guys came up 
and started discussing strategies for appealing to a greater segment
of the population (mainly, use economic motives to get more men to care).

If I was in a "looking" mode at all, I would have definitely been forward
enough to attempt to exchange numbers with them!  

Am currently lending out my pro-choice sign by-the-day for women 
interested in meeting men (better yet - probably feminist men at that!)
Send mail if interested :-].

Moreover, I could speculate that =wn= is one of those "darndest places"
which would be a great place to meet "interesting, wonderful" and 
feminist men...
				    			:-],
							nancy b.

re: .58

>Let's hear it for bell desk jobs as a way to meet men!  

Or women -- depending on who you're looking for (or not looking for,
with due respect to the "don't look" theory -- that's the same philosopy I use
for finding parking places :-))

	:-)

	MKV

re: .59 (Mary Vaskas)

> Or women -- depending on who you're looking for 

What a dunce (me)!  my correction ->

>> Let's hear it for bell desk jobs as a way to meet [interesting others]!  

> (or not looking for,
> with due respect to the "don't look" theory -- that's the same philosopy I use
> for finding parking places :-))

Please elaborate!

							nancy b.

re: .60

>> (or not looking for,
>> with due respect to the "don't look" theory -- that's the same philosopy I use
>> for finding parking places :-))

>Please elaborate!

OK, Nancy, since you asked... The Don't-Look-If-You-Want-to-Find-It Method:

I circle the appropriate block(s) apparently aimlessly, cruising
the neighborhood, making believe that I wouldn't take a parking spot if
it jumped out in front of me -- you have to play it very cool for
parking karma to come.  It works best if I am actually not in a hurry to get
a parking spot (and even better if I really don't want one -- but then
I sometimes feel obliged to park anyway -- but I don't because then I
can store up points for parking karma later).  But if I *am* in a hurry,
I have to pretend not to be.

Now, I don't know if this statistically works or I only perceive it to
work because I've fooled myself into relaxing. :-)  But who am I to
question the magic of parking karma?

	MKV

p.s. The above is *not* a recommendation for or against extending this
method to other types of searches! :-)

    
    re: .61 (Mary Vaskas)
    
    That's pretty cosmic, Mary...  Will have to try that while trying
    to find a parking place in the Millyard sometime soon :-).
    
    Meanwhile, ARE YOU OK?
               ----------
                                       
    I just heard about the quake in San Francisco...  It happened about
    1/2 an hour after you entered (-.1), right?
    
   							nancy b.
      

                                       
>    I just heard about the quake in San Francisco...  It happened about
>    1/2 an hour after you entered (-.1), right?


	 nancy....all nodes are down in the Bay area......check out
	 Soapbox, or Friends for updates.....the news has a lot of
	 info, too.

	 kath      

     >  Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship with
    you?
    

     >   Where did you meet your current lover?


     Same answer for both;  I married my first love.  We met in the basement of
the library, which was the computer lab at Montana State.  If anyone knew my
husband they would know appropriate that is  (who said "technodweeb???).  Only
after six years of marriage can I appreciate what a huge compliment it was that
he paid more attention to me than to the computer.   :-)   :-)   :-)


Barbi

    I get alot of reactions from how I met my fiance (and longest love)...
    
    Our fathers set us up on a blind date!
    
    They know each other through business, and had been trying to arrange a
    meeting for seven years before we actually would consent.  Every few
    years I would would hear "I have this friend who has this son...." 
    Every few years I would tell my father that I had *no* interest in a
    blind date, and that I would meet men on my own, thank you.  For my SO,
    it was just never a good time (in school in a different state, etc).
    
    When he finally did call, it was during the five minutes in my life
    when I did *not* want to be seeing anyone seriously.  I was just going
    to have alot of casual dates (mostly through the Singles file), and not
    get too serious about any of them.  For him, it was that he was going
    off to school in five months, his parents had been bugging him to call
    me, and he figured this would be something to do before his "real life
    started."
    
    When I got a message that he called, I thought "what a good way to
    start off my round of casual dating."  When I talked to him on the
    phone, I thought "Oh my God, this is the one!!!"  He had a similar
    reaction.  We'll be married in two years.
    
    This is *not* your typical way to meet someone (anymore), but it does
    go to show you that you can meet the right person in the last way you
    ever expected to!!!
    
    One last story - a friend of mine has been seeing someone for almost
    four years.  They met through the Pheonix Personals.  You can't rule
    *anything* out.
    
    Sarah
    

    I met  my  the woman with whom I had the longest relationship at a
    folk  dance in Cambridge. (In fact, most of the women I'd dated up
    till then I'd met at folk dances; it was my only hobby which had a
    reasonable number of women participating.)

    I met  my current fiance at an Oneg Shabbat (tea and cookies after
    Friday  night  services)  for  singles.  She  was there because an
    aquaintance  was going to introduce her to someone. I came over at
    about the time they were introduced, and after we all talked for a
    while,  the  other  guy  left,  and we spent the rest of the night
    talking.  We  both  knew  we were serious that night, and within a
    month we were talking about marriage.

--David

    
>     Where did you meet your current lover?
    
    	NOTES does it again! That's right, I met Frank when he responded to
        my entry in the Singles Notes file. I should play 1809 in the daily
        number to see if it brings me any more good luck!
    
>     Where did you meet the lover who shared your longest relationship with
>     you?
    
    	In a country/western lounge where there were 2 - 3 males to one
        female. Don't find those odds too often! He came over and asked me to
        dance. We were married for 10 years.
    
>     Where do single people meet other single people that are interested in
>     relationships (as opposed to one night stands)?
    
	I was really paranoid about dating when I got back to the "single"
    	status. That's why I chose the Singles file. For some reason, I
        felt more secure, knowing that the folks in Singles worked for DEC.
    	I did meet some very nice gentlemen and some weirdo's as well, but
    	I know I would not enjoy going back to the bar scene these days. For
    	one thing, you can't dance to todays top 40 like you could in the
    	70's. For another, there are too many derranged people out on the
    	loose. You never know when you'd end up a statistic.
    
    	just my humble opinion
    	- Norma -
    	     
    

>    	In a country/western lounge where there were 2 - 3 males to one
>        female. Don't find those odds too often! He came over and asked me to
>        dance. We were married for 10 years.
 
You don't?  Hmmm.  That is disturbing.  All of my life I have been on
contexts where I am by *far* a minority (and that is only counting my
gender! :-).  RPI has a 4.5:1 ratio.  All the people I meet tend to
be technonerds, and a quick guess would be that technonerddom has about
a 10:1 male:female ratio.  The only clubs I was really active in at
school was the ACM...my first meeting the ratio was about 80:1.  80
men and *me*.  Boy, by comparison C&W bars sound like (dramatic pause)
slim pickin's.  :-)
   
>    	loose. You never know when you'd end up a statistic.
 
Which would be nice if the statistics were something like "Marriages
more successful these days: 87% of marriages since 1984 are still
together".  But they never are, are they?
   
D! (BTW, I have decided that none of my opinions are humble.  My opinions
    are all very proud of themselves, and could even be accused of a bit
    of arrogance.  I recently saw a quote someone posted on their door
    from Golda Mier that said "Don't be humble; you're not that great.")

    
    D!, I think when she said statistic, she meant "dead" as in killed by a
    loonie on the prowl.

>    D!, I think when she said statistic, she meant "dead" as in killed by a
>    loonie on the prowl.

I know, I was just pointing out that there are brighter ways to be
a statistic, and to be hopeful for those.

D!

D!

	I have that quote on a button on my office wall.  Have you
	been here not told me??????


	_peggy

>	I have that quote on a button on my office wall.  Have you
>	been here not told me??????

Heh heh.  Heh heh heh.  Wouldn't *you* like to know... >-)

D! (and remember, when you least expect a visit - expect it! :-)

>(and remember, when you least expect a visit - expect it! :-)
 
    Yeah- ask =maggie how effective that can be!
    
     The Doctah  

    re: .68  Back in the late 70's, any place that had more men than woman
    was a real find. Plus the lounges I hung around in were all near a
    military installation, therefore the chances of meeting men were far
    better than most.
    
    During my dating through the Singles file, there was a time when I did
    cut it off with a guy after our second date as I had strong indications
    that I would end up a _rape_ statistic or found somewhere on the edge
    of the road. I got out while the getting was good.
    
    As for my humble opinion... that was my first entry in womannnotes
    after reading along for a few months. I am always shy at first. Once I
    feel comfortable, it more like - Don't ask my opinion if you don't
    want to hear it. I feel too many people say what they think the other
    person wants to hear. If you ask for my opinon, you're going to get it.
    

    Where did we meet?
    
    Thru the singles notes file.  I had met approximately 15 different
    men before he came along.   I remember before meeting him I thought,
    this is the last one if it doesn't work.
    
    I married him, October 28, 1989!
                                            
    Terri Holman Laperle