Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    Well I can't think of any better way to decribe it than it feels
    like someone has stuck a knife right into your stomach and is putting
    out everthing you have inside.  And what really makes me laugh is
    men who say why are you staying home today its only a few little
    cramps, ha if they only knew.  They only say that because they have
    no idea what its like. 

    To me sometimes menstrual pain feels like there is a fire burning
    in the pit of my stomach.  Sometimes it feels like miniature people
    are inside me stirring my insides around and around with a stick.
     Other times it's waves of pain coming in and receding like the
    the ocean.  Sometimes it's just a dull ache and a nuisance.  Other
    times it's such intense pain that I have to double over and can't
    stand or walk around without being hunched over.  Sometimes it's
    so intense, feels just like horrible stomach cramps, just intense
    pain in my lower abdomen, that I have to curl up in bed with a heating
    pad for a day.  Added to the pain, is the feeling of complete weakness
    and lack of physical energy.  If I'm driving home from work and
    I have cramps, and I think of stopping at the grocery store to pick
    up a few things, it seems like a prospect requiring as much energy
    as climbing Mt. Everest.  I imagine myself crawling across the parking
    lot on my hands and knees into the store because I don't have the
    strength to walk.   I imagine that this must be what it would feel
    like to be 95 yrs. old.  If I had to have my period *all the time*
    instead of 5 to 7 days a month, I would definitely *not* be able
    to hold down a job.  I wouldn't have the energy.  
    
    Lorna
     

    I don't have that much of a problem with cramps.  Sometimes it feels
    like this hot, dull, lava-like surge of throbbing pain...but
    fortunately not too often....
    
    My problem is emotional.  I read the PPD note and I realize that
    it's hormonal fluctuations that cause me to have mood-swings (fast
    ones, too), and I can imagine how women with post-partum depression,
    who are going through hormonal swings 100 times bigger than mine
    can get really depressed.  When I get to be a PMS weenie in the
    worst way, I can't deal with being with many people.  It feels like
    my live is going down the tubes, and all my dreams are dying.  It
    feels like my world is shattering and there's no hope for anything.
    It's disastrous.  Fortunately there are some people I can turn to
    who understand.  A friend of mine asked what he was supposed to
    do when I felt like that.  I told him to just hold me and reassure
    me, and he said it made him feel helpless to watch me go to pieces.
    I was really glad he decided to stay and help me out.
    
    My pain is not physical, it's emotional, and it's very real.  It
    stains my whole world during that week before my period.
    
    -Jody
    

    I'm with Jody.  My cramps are minimal.  But the emotional pain is much
    worse.  
    
    If things in my life are going smoothly when I start my period, it's
    not too bad.  But, if I am even the slightest bit off emotionally, I
    will be a wreck for a day or 2. 
    
    I have found something that helps the stress of PMS....B-complex.  It
    works for me....or maybe it is all in my head!
    
    Linda

    Re .3, in addition, to having severe physical pain *during* my period,
    I also get PMS caused depression about 1/4 of the time.  Last week,
    on Thursday, the world looked so bleak to me that I wrote a rather
    desperate (self-pitying) mail message to one DEC friend, and told
    another friend on the phone that since I had obviously made a complete
    failure of every aspect of my life, that I might as well committ
    suicide.  Fortunately, this friend suggested that first we should
    go out to eat and then to the silly movie, "Earth Girls Are Easy",
    and by the time we did that I no longer wanted to end it all.
    (Besides, I keep saying to myself "You only feel this bad because
    of PMS!")  The next day things looked much more rosy.
    
    PMS doesn't make me miss work, although it can make the world look
    bleak, and me miserable and maybe crying and contemplating ending
    it all.  But, at least I'm at work.  But, if the cramps get bad
    enough I have to stay home from work, so I've always thought of
    those as the worst.  Plus, the pain is every month, and the depression
    only once in awhile.
    
    Lorna
    

I always feel like singing "How Lovely To Be A Woman", from Bye-Bye Birdie.

I'm lucky; The cramps are just like cramps from, say, swimming too much after
eating too much. And I'm so emotional the rest of the time, I'm not sure anyone
(including me) notices the slight swing in intensity.
	Mez

    My mental image for cramps was of a giant fist squeezing my insides.
    
    Before I was pregnant I suffered from both menstrual cramps and
    from 'middlesmertz' - cramping upon ovulation. Later in life I
    suffered from stomach cramps that enventually turned out to be
    chronic appendicitis. (I found this out when it went acute and I
    had to have the sucker removed in emergency surgery). My memory
    of the intensitiy of the pain is that all three are were about
    the same. (Tho I think the appendix actually rupturing was somewhat 
    worse than the cramps were).
    
    Bonnie

There seems to be some concern about men's indifference to the pain women
suffer physically and emotionally during this uniquely female experience.
I believe the words were, "If they only knew...".  Well we don't.  We never
will.  In fact, there isn't anything we can do to help, is there?  

Depending on the person, there is an increased level of effort in household
chores, work chores, social functions.  There could also be mood swings.
These can be accompanied with depression, accusations, bickering, fights,
lots of other fun things.  I *knew* what was happening. If I even mentioned
PMS as a possibility I had my head chewed off.  Words get said that hurt 
feelings, both male and child get hurt.  After it is over it takes weeks 
to undo the damage and then we wait 5 days and do it again.  FWIW the mood
swings seem to be worse in the spring time.  

And then we are acused of not being sympathetic.  Great!  Just because we
can't share the physical pain doesn't mean that we don't share the experience.
                                             
If there *is* something I could do to help, by all means let me know what
it is.  Someday I may need to know again.

  Pain, in and of itself is a very interesting topic.  Seems someone is 
  always trying to describe it.  It can be sharp, dull, piercing, throbbing,
  constant, intermittend, severe, intense, etc...

  And yet we all experience it diffently.  What could be a minor ache for me
  might be enough to make someone else faint.  There really are thresholds
  or levels of pain.  I never beleived it until I was injured in a car accident
  a few years ago.  You can learn to 'adjust' to pain.  Having 2 herniate disks
  there is a certain level of pain that I experience daily, actually I'd now
  classify it as discomfort, but years ago, I would have called it intense 
  numness.  I have also noticed since living with this feeling, that other
  types of aches and pains seem less intese.  It just seems that I've learned
  to tolerate physicall pain better.  

  I read recently, that the average person get's 15 headaches a week!  Wow
  that new's to me - I doubt that I get 15 a year. The article went on to say
  what made the differnce was the persons threshold of pain, in essence just
  how much hurt one person must experiece before they consider it pain.

  Endo. is a really funny condition.  Having been diagnosed in 1979 and since
  having gone through 3 laser laps, and various medications in between, I know
  it can be difficult to explain. Especailly since each time it became in-
  tolerable it was a different type of pain that caused it.  When the endo
  isn't acting up, my periods are usually not worsee than indegestion, but
  when the endo was acting up last time, the cramping was severe enough to make
  me vomit, keep me awake at night or home from work.

  Trying to explain the pain from the endo, even to another woman is difficult
  enough, after all shouldn't a woman understand.  But I'm not sure we do, 
  because as I read the previous replies I tried to relate it to my pains and
  it just didn't seem to fit - the "fishnet syndrome" just doesn't apply to
  me, and yet, I'm sure there are dozens of women saying yep that's a good
  way to describe it.

  Where is all this leading, I'm not sure.  But I was feeling bad for .8.  
  So often fine points get missed.  The base note is looking for ways to try
  and explain menstrual pain to people who have not experienced, so yes for 
  the most part that's males, but it also includes adolecent females, and I 
  beleive that was stated.

  If the note had asked to try and describe what a HANGOVER feels
  like, I don't think anyone would have given it a second thought as to
  it's picking on the tea-totallers.  Instead I'd be reading dozens of
  funny stories and analogies about hangovers.  Would I know how one feels
  afterwards, I doubt, (that is of course if I'd never experienced on first
  hand), but I would have some idea of what to expect.
  
  So, now I'll add my 2 cents worth, about what my painfull periods are like
  it's like indegestion only lower! :^)  


  Allison

    A pointer to related discussion in womannotes-v1:
    
    131  < PMS -- How we cope >
    
    This file moved recently, see note 1.18 for the new location.
    
    DougO

                                             
<If there *is* something I could do to help, by all means let me know what
<it is.  Someday I may need to know again.

      How to handle a woman,
      There's a way, said the wise old man.
      A way known by every woman
      Since the whole rigmarole began.

      "Do I flatter her?" I begged him answer.
      "Do I threaten or cajole or plead?
      Do I brood or play the gay romancer?"
      Said he, smiling, "No indeed."

      How to handle a woman,
      Mark me well, I will tell you, sir.
      "The way to handle a woman
      is to love her, simply love her,
      merely love her, love her, love her!"

      Lerner & Lowe, Camelot, copied w/o permission

    Describe menstrual pain?  Hmmm.... let's see...
    
    I like the fishnet idea, but add the feeling of having the rest of the
    ocean remaining in your abdomen.  I tend to bloat 5-8 pounds and then
    lose it all again within that 5 day timeframe.
    
    If I were to try to repeat the feeling using different methods, I would
    have to say:  drink four 32 oz. glasses of water and do NOT go to the
    bathroom for at least 6 hours.  When you start to feel bloated and then
    start cramping, hold that for at least another 2 hours.
    
    That's close and in the same general area, but it's still a little
    different than that.
    
    

    The pain I feel has changed since I gave birth.  I use to cramp pretty
    badly, whereas you'd see me doubled over for a second or two.  It was
    a sharp pain which would turn into a dull ache.  What topped the pain
    off though, is the hollow feeling I have from my knees to my waist.  It
    feels as if my insides have emptied out.  Since giving birth, I don't 
    feel the cramps as much but the hollowness is still there.  I can tell
    when I'm going to start bleeding by the hollowness in my knees.  Once
    it goes into my thighs, I know that within the day, I'll start
    bleeding..
    
    Anna
    
    

    I don't have much pain, just a little discomfort and bloating.  My younger
    sister, on the other hand, suffers alot.  Sometimes it gets so bad
    she cries.  I usually feel so bad that I want to cry with her. 
    
    She said that she read somewhere that if you have really bad cramps
    you have less of a chance of getting pregnant.  Has anyone ever
    heard of that before?  Its definitely a concern of hers. 
                                                                       
    Thanks
    

    Bad cramps can be a sign of endometriosis. If a woman is suffering
    from endo it can affect her fertility.
    
    Bonnie

    
    ...but if a woman with endometriosis *does* have a child, it often
    makes the endo less severe.  A friend of mine who used to suffer
    terribly from it had a baby 18 mos. ago, and her endo symptoms have
    pretty much abated.  Her doctor told her this is common.
    
        

    As a teen I had really bad cramps...sick to my stomach, headaches,
    feeling of heat and muscle spasms in my abdomen, generally out of
    it for 24 hours and then only hot water with lemon and sugar for
    the next 24 if I wanted to be coherent.
    
    Pregnancy cured the whole mess, and I got pregnant very easily (I
    wasn't even trying).
    
    Alison

    I have endo. and will be having another laproscope done in June.
    The cramps that I experience both during my period and even before
    makes me feel as though I'm in labor.  Except that in labor, at
    least the pain eases from time to time.  The first and second days
    of my period are hell on earth.  The pain never ceases even for
    a second.  I just have to go to bad and feel that my life is over
    because I don't dare move.  I can't eat, sleep, breathe - - anything
    normal.  I'm hoping that the laproscope will help because if it
    doesn't, I'm considering having a hysterectomy next.  I cannot
    deal with the pain any longer.  The last two periods, I passed out
    from pain.
    
    Sue
    

    re. .18
    
    Sue, my sister has the same hellish pain.  My sympathy to you!
    
    I get varying degrees of PMS.  Now, at the moment, I am getting
    this mid-cycle (ovulation time) symptoms: blinding headaches,
    achy legs, shoulders and neck.  Feel as though I can hardly move,
    yet do manage to get to work.  Try to keep a low profile, "hide"
    in my office, don't talk to anyone if you can help it.  Daily
    activities seem overwhelming.
    
    Yesterday I tried to accomplish an otherwise simple task: take my
    16 mos. old baby to get passport pictures, then go to Concord, MA
    post office to apply for passport.  When I arrived at the P.O.,
    the guy behind the counter informed me that my daughter's birth
    certificate was missing the last line "date of record" and would
    not be accepted for passport! I stared at him in disbelief and the
    little hassels of life all came crashing in on me.  I stood there
    and put my face in my hands and sobbed and blubbered to this poor
    man about how the idiot clerks couldn't even do the birth certificate
    and I am paying their taxes and fees and everything and I just can't
    handle this life anymore.  The poor man! I apologized through my
    tears but he could see that this really upset me..the thought of
    having to drive to Boston and park the car and bring baby and get
    a new birth certificate was really overwhelming.
    
    Anyway, I did not give it up and am here today, still with menstrual
    pain.  Oh, I ended up taking the rest of the afternoon off yesterday.
    I just couldn't face going back to the office.
    
    So that's how menstrual (PMS) pain affects me.  Happily this sobbing
    in public does not occur every month!
    
    Beth

	The pain I feel has changed over the years and I really never
	know what to expect - thought it is never what I would call 
	severe.  Mostly it is the feeling that all of a sudden gravity
	has gotten strong from about my waist to the ground and I am
	being dragged down because of it.  There is also the problem
	of bloating or feeling bloated.  At times the pain is identical
	to contractions (I think that is because that is what is happening).
	When this happens I just sit or lie down until it is over, usually
	about a half hour or so.  

	Mostly though I have been lucky, I have not had bad cramps too
	many months in a row, nor have I had PMS symtoms (I am just 
	Bit**y all the time).

	One of the most helpful books I have ever come across is 
	"Our Bodies Our Selves".

	_peggy

		(-)
		 |

			The pain of be-ing woman is increased
			when we are not able to understand
			or get others to listen to us about
			what is happening to our bodies.

    Like peggy in .20, I have gone through many types of pain.  In college
    and grad school I had severe cramps.  I'd just roll up in a ball and
    lie there all day until it was over.  Pain killers would allow me to be
    able to walk around, but I'd still hurt some.
    
    Now I occasionally get the "dragging feeling" or more like I have a
    30lb. lead ball in my gut.  I have found that riding my horse does help
    this feeling to subside some (not too much help for those of you who
    don't have a horse :-).
    
    A former piano teacher of mine once stated that men never learn to
    tolerate pain because they don't have periods.  She claimed that since
    women are forced to deal with the pain from periods and act like
    nothing is happening that they develop a tolerance which most men never
    do.  She was in her late 60's or early 70's at the time and her husband 
    was sick the day we discussed this.  My husband also tends to be more
    of a wimp than me when sick or hurting.
    
    
    						Jan

    
    I have heard it said that women have a higher pain threshold "built
    in" (like they produce those natural pain-suppressants -
    endomorphines?) more easily than men so that they can cope with
    childbirth.....
    
    My cramps used to be crippling when a teenager, but I seem to have
    grown out of it. Now it's just a hollow feeling - like being very
    hungry but a bit lower down!
    
    What knocks me out is this weird psychic feeling that seems to come
    with periods. I feel totally grounded in my body - pulled back to
    the earth - almost dreamlike. I get very vivid dreams at this time,
    and my mind fills with images that I wouldn't usually expect.
    I feel quite comfortable with this at the time - it only feels
    odd in retrospect. This makes it very difficult to concentrate
    on hard, logical business.....
    
    I hope no-one is insensitive enough to use the above as fuel for
    the ol' "women shouldn't be in business" argument...
    
    Does anyone else have similar experiences?
    
    'gail
    

    I don't know about anyone else but my aches and pains start before
    my menstrual cycle does.  A week before I get very emotional.  Little
    things turn into big things.  One morning my husband said something
    to me that really meant nothing and I found myself crying in the
    shower.  I also get a bit achy, very tired, and bloated.  Then the
    menstrual cycle hits and for that first day I get cramps.  Some
    months worse than others.  And I also feel like I'm bleeding to
    death.  The second day the cramps are gone and the flow starts to
    slow down.  But to describe the cramps.  My stomach and my back
    ache terrible.  Like someone else said, all I want to do is curl
    up with a heating pad.
    
    DH
    

    My cramps feel like, well, muscle cramps.  Basically everything
    betweeen the knees and the neck cramps up, especially the abdomen and
    lower back.  Kind of like I never moved in two years and then hiked
    seven miles and dug a 100-foot trench.

    The week before is purely emotional: frantic feelings of inadequacy,
    mostly about my worth as a human being and about the quality of my
    work.  I generally spend that week feeling very blue, running around
    working like a demon, convinced that I have not put in the effort
    needed to get the quality I know I can produce.
    
    After that miserable week (three to six days), I cramp for a few hours
    then start to bleed.  The cramping continues for about a day.  It is a
    dull muscular pain (see Chelsea's description; it's right on, except
    mine is strictly limited to the lower abdomen).
    
    Not until the arrival of my menses do I stop and look back at my
    activities of the previous week and realize that my work was stellar,
    truly exceptional.  Guess all that hysteria prods me on to "greater
    heights"...
    
    lt