Conference thebay::joyoflex

    
    Digital has a few of these ads:
    
    1. DIGITAL has it NOW  -  You'll get it later.
    
    2. Remember the poster crowded with engineers saying
       "Digital has 14 000 engineers", whereupon the customer
       remarks "and still they can't fix the problem".

    3. Digital means 1 strategy, 1 system - and 1 support engineer.

re .-1:

Of course we all remember...


    "Where's the money I sent along with my order?"
    	"Digital has it now."
    
    "In that case, where's my order?"
    	"Digital has it now."


Larry

    Digital has it now.  You can have it when we get another one.
    
    Digital has it now.  Tomorrow is another story.
    
    Spd
    

    How about the one that goes:
    
    "Sugar free...caffeine free...Pepsi Free!"
    
    Sounds to me like this drink has (a) no sugar in it, (b) no caffeine
    in it, and (c) no Pepsi in it. Gee, where can I buy some?
    
    --- jerry

    "... has it now..." reminds me of Richard Nixon's 1968 campaign
    slogan: "Nixon's the one in '68", which was turned around in 1972
    by the Democrats to: "Nixon was the one in '68; he's a bigger one
    in '72."

    My favourite ad along these lines was for a headache relief tablet
    called Anadin. The slogan was :
    
    Nothing acts faster than Anadin.
    
    In that case, why bother with the Anadin?

    In the days before British Airways, but after Imperial Airways,
    there was the British Overseas Airways Corporation. The first
    slogan of theirs that I was aware of was 
    
    BOAC takes good care of you
    
    (or maybe my memory was kind enough to insert the 'good' on their
    behalf - de mortuis nil nisi bonum)
    
    That fairly innocuous slogan was a hasty replacement (I was told)
    for
    
    BOAC takes you there and takes you back
    
    - which had to go when - after a period of recurrent bad weather over
    Heathrow - BOAC earned itself a name for taking people back, regardless
    of what they wanted, without stopping first to let them off. 
    
    b

    An obscure computer company ( :-] ) used to have a slogan:
    
    Designed well
    Built well
    Honeywell
    
    Since then, they've had a merger. I saw their new commercial on
    TV last night. The slogan?
    
    Designed well
    
    Built well
    
    Honeywell Bull
    
    Yep, sounds like bull to me...
    
    Andy

    Is it true that when he heard someone mentioning the old proverb
    	"An apple a day keeps the doctor away"
    
    Winston Churchill used to add:
     	"especially if you throw it well" 
    
    - or something like that; I'm not sure of the exact wording.

        	roger
 

    I saw a tank truck in Dover for a company that does not need any
    advertising to backfire.  "Dead River Chemical Company" -- there's
    honesty in naming!
    
    
    				-- edp

    At a reunion a few years ago, I ran into a friend who had relocated
    to Minnesota where he started a septic system cleaning company.
    He was sporting a ball cap with the company logo and the inscription:
    
    	" Get on out shit list "
    
    

    Would you believe that there actually exists in North London an
    "IMPACT school of motoring " ??!!
    
    Cheers,							Steve

    You probably already know about GM's troubles trying to market the
    Chevy Nova in Latin American countries.  In Spanish "No va" connotes
    'doesn't work' (as in lazy, good-for-nothing). 
    
    Someone conversant in Spanish finally put them wise and GM changed
    the model name for Latin America distribution. I don't recall what
    the new name was.

    Right down the street from this office (Central Area RDC), there's
    a company called, Hell Graphics.  I can imagine what their slogan
    is.
    
    Spd

    re:.13
    
    Actually, I've never heard "no va" being used to mean "doesn't work",
    connoting "lazy" or "good-for-nothing". Which doesn't mean it isn't
    current slang, of course (I haven't studied Spanish in a dozen years).
    It literally means "doesn't go". There are other words for lazy, the
    more common one being "perezoso".
    
    --- jerry

    Re: .13 and .15
    
    Academic Spanish comment - even rustier than Jerry's:
    
    Spanish for `it doesn't work' is `no funciona'.  There are no doubt
    plenty of other ways of expressing this, but `no funciona' is the
    version commonly used on machinery that's US, so I guess that'd
    be the preferred expression for a duff motor.
    
    Also, the stress is wrong (NOva vs no VA). Maybe the worry wasn't
    so much _calling_ the car something uncomplimentary, as inviting
    the jingle `Mi Nova no va'.
    
    Still, `it doesn't go' isn't too good a name for a car, however
    you accentuate it!
    

    b

                It's standard usage in Italian to say
                'mia macchina non va' or even to use
                'non va' for anything that doesn't
                work or even used as an imperative to
                indicate that something is unacceptable.
                (Used frequently in Dec at Budget Time).
                As was mentioned in another note stress
                is very important and can change the
                meaning completly.
                                     Max
                
                

GM renamed the Nova "Caribe" for the Spanish speaking market.

They probably never ran the ad, but think what they could have done if they 
wanted to stress the car's stylishness.  Something about

		"The Chic of Caribe."

Larry

    
    	I was in Philadelphia last week, and saw a truck
    	labeled:
    
    		FATHER and SON
		EXTERMINATORS
    
	-Glinch.
    

                A fairly common shop sign in the U.K. used
                to be:-
    
                            XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
                                Family Butcher
                          
    

    	Some 15 years ago I was told of a newly-formed Californian 
    company that wanted to have a space-age name, so they called
    themselves URANUS.
    
    	After that they could not resist the obvious company motto -
    
    Up URANUS!

    Re .above:
    
    Periodically, you'll hear a radio (or television) ad about some
    product (e.g., a car) on sale at a speciasl price.  The announcer
    will exhort people to go to their dealer(s) right away, because
    [whatever] "won't last long."  Who wants to buy something that won't
    last long?
    
    Steve Kallis, Jr.

    Kentucky Fried Chicken has opened a restaurant in Beijing.
    
    "Finger lickin' good"
    
    	translates to 
    
    "So delicious you suck your fingers"
    
    Clay

    re .23
    
    Well, isn't that what it really means?  :*)
    
    Spd

    as I recall it...the 'so good you suck your fingers' was the
    *replacement* for the original ad that was not appropriate
    when expressed in chinese

    And apparently "Coke adds life" translated into "Coke brings back
    the dead" in Japanese; their slogan in Japan now is "I feel Coke".
    
    As an aside, we hosted an exchange student a few summers ago; it seems
    that the universal comment of these students, who were from various
    European and Asian countries, upon their arrival in the U.S., was 
    "Oh look, they have {McDonald's, Coke, etc} here, also!" 

    .5 reminded me of a friend's apartment in 1969.  He had two
    large posters side by side.  The first one proclaimed:
    
    One of every ten Americans has venereal disease!
    
    The second poster said:

    Nixon's the one!    

Around the beginning of the AIDS scare there was a UK slimming product 
called :-
				"AIDES"

They ran a radio ad that went something like this :-

		"Aides helps you lose weight!!"

Didn't go down too well when heard over the airwaves.  They eventually killed 
the ad but kept the name the same.

			rik.....

Here the product was AYDS. They had been in business a looong time.

It is true that AIDS is probably what forced them out of the market. One comic 
remarked that they planned to come out with a new product... name Herpes.

I know. Not very good taste.

        Mike

Extracted from the Dave Barry Notes file without permission ....

       <<< HYDRA::DISK$NOTES$LIBRARY:[NOTES$LIBRARY]DAVE_BARRY.NOTE;1 >>>
                       -<  Dave Barry - Noted humorist  >-
================================================================================
Note 387.10                 Economic Summary:  'Haha'                   10 of 10
DICKNS::KLAES "Well, I could stay for a bit longer."  7 lines  25-FEB-1988 12:45
                         -< Uh, what we meant was... >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    	There was one Wang ad which they made for Europe that totally
    backfired.  The ad declared "Wang Cares".  Well, say those words
    together rather fast, and you get something that is not discussed
    in polite British company.
    
    	:^)
    

    Then there's the ad for Wyler's instant lemonade:
    
    	"Nothing tastes like Wyler's."
    
    Of course, this means that real lemonade does not taste like their
    product, either.
    

    I'm waiting for the ad from a vacuum cleaner company (I'll use
    Hoover as an example) that goes:
    
    	"Nothing sucks like a Hoover!"
    
    --- jerry

    There already is one for the British "Vax" vacuum cleaner with the
    slogan, "Nothing sucks like a Vax."
    
    	Jon

    I remember one from the New Yorker that was an ad from the Danish
    Tourist Board encouraging travel in Denmark. The headline read, "Do you
    know of anyone who didn't have a wonderful time in Denmark?" I thought,
    "Yeah, two. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern."
    
    Sometime later, this same ad was mentioned in one of their fillers.
    Their suggestion for someone who didn't like Denmark was Hamlet.
    
    As I remember, Grendel didn't have such a hot time there, either.
    
    	Jon

    re:.33
    
    Urgh. That's right. I remember that one now. It must have been
    lurking in the back of my mind. Given the name, I'm surprised
    I didn't remember it.
    
    --- jerry

    >I remember one from the New Yorker that was an ad from the Danish
    >Tourist Board encouraging travel in Denmark. The headline read, "Do you
    >know of anyone who didn't have a wonderful time in Denmark?" I thought,
    >"Yeah, two. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern."
     
    Jon, they might have been bored, or confused, (at least according to
    Tom Stoppard) but they left Denmark safely.  They were executed in
    England "...Not shriving time allowed."
    
    					andrew 

    Ah, so as long as you don't get executed, you're having a wonderful
    time? I must remember that the next time I go to the dentist.
    
    	Jon 

    Re .32, .33:
    
    Are you sure it was Vax? There was an ad campaign last year for
    a different brand, the line being:
    
    	"Nothing sucks like an an Electrolux" 
    
    I'm sure US Noters are aware that "sucks" is not used pejoratively here
    in Britain. 
    
    
    Rod

    Yes. There is a British vacuum cleaner called VAX.
    I've seen the ad copy, but not the real thing.

    I've got the real thing, it appealed to my warped sense of humour.
    
    However, I do seem to remeber the Electrolux ad as the source of
    the sucking phrase. (please be careful with annunciation 8^)

A school in Illinois placed an ad in a local paper that did not backfire; it 
reinforced itself.

The ad was a help wanted ad for "Tudors" to help instruct students in various 
subjects, among them English.  I don't think that "Tudors" referred to the
British monarchs.

Clay

    Re: .41
    
    > I don't think that "Tudors" referred to the British monarchs.
    
    "Tudor" is the name of a former ruling family of England.  Henry
    VIII and Elizabeth I were Tudors.  I don't know where, or with whom,
    the line ended, probably with the fellow whom Cromwell did in (Charles
    I?).  Need help from the Brits on this one.
    
    Bernie 

    Charles I was a Stuart, son of James Stuart (Jas I of England, VI
    of Scotland). The Latin for James gives English Jacobin, Jacobite
    and Jacobean.
    
    So the Tudor line must have ended before Charles.  I don't believe
    Elizabeth I had an heir, so maybe _she_ was the last Tudor; sorry
    - don't know much about history.
    
    Incidentally, Tudor doesn't just refer to British monarchs; it just
    happened to be the (anglicized, I think) surname of the Henry who
    became Henry VII.
    
    b

    	While Elizabeth was the last Tudor monarch, I have just learned
    from Harvard Lampoon of the kingdom of Fordor.

  >  While Elizabeth was the last Tudor monarch, I have just learned
  >  from Harvard Lampoon of the kingdom of Fordor.

    I kinda fuzzy on this, but, wasn't there also a Hatchback of Notre Dame?

    Wasn't the Scratch-back of Notre Dame a Renault 5 (Le Car) ?
    
    Heh, careful back there ... don't knock the Stuart's of the world.
    
    stuart
    

    Notre Dame had a football player named Quasi Modo (sp?). He played
    hunchback. 

    Some time ago I worked with a fellow named Stuart Mumble.  His father
    ran some kind of whiskey company and sold a scotch named "House
    of Stuart".  One of the forming experiences of my friend's life
    was the discovery that the whiskey was not named after him, but
    that, in fact, he was named after the whiskey.
    

    Not to ruin this little side trip, but, saw an ad the othr nite -

    FOR SALE : 4 ton wench, can be mounted on bumper, works well in
               cold weather. $150 or BO
    
    Bet she's a real beauty....

Several times in the past few weeks, I've listened, somewhat incredulously,  
to a radio commercial for one of our competitors.  It consists of an announcer 
making statments extolling the product, while in the background, voices are 
chanting "Bull!  Bull!  Bull! Bull!".  I don't remember all the lines, but it 
ends:

	Background:  	Bull! Bull! Bull! Bull!

	Announcer:	Some people say you can't see the future,
			but we're making it.

	Background:  	Bull! Bull! Bull! Bull!


Clay	

Here in New England, the stereo retailer Cookin' is running ads that
end "...where what you don't know can't hurt you."

Perry

A small neighborhood auto parts store advertised in a local paper
"If we don't have it, you don't need it."

    G'day,
    
     Seen around Sydney
    
    If we can't fix it, it ain't broke!
    
    
    derek

    also ...
    
    "If we don't have it, we both have a problem!"

    From the Lincoln County News (Maine), during the Christmas shopping
    season:
    
       How can you go wrong?  
    
         ...with a gift from the House of Logan.
    
    

Sent to me, undoubtedly via a large number of people:
    
> 
> As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are
> often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than
> you can find in the cartoons and comic strips:
> 
> >Lost: small apricot poodle.  Reward.  Neutered.  Like
> one of the family.
> 
> >A superb and inexpensive restaurant.  Fine food
> expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
> 
> >Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25;
> Children $2.00.
> 
> >For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick
> legs and large drawers.
> 
> >For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a
> table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat,
> size 8 and fur collar.
> 
> >Four-poster bed, 101 years old.  Perfect for antique
> lover.
> 
> >Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an
> extra pair to take home, too.
> 
> >Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in
> factory.
> 
> >Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce
> at night.
> 
> >We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it
> carefully by hand.
> 
> >No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle
> spray will make it really repellent.
> 
> >For Sale.  Three canaries of undermined sex.
> 
> >For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an
> Alaskan Hussy.
> 
> >Creative daily specials, including select offerings of
> beef, foul, fresh vagetables, salads, quiche.
> 
> >7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your
> likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.
> 
> >Great Dames for sale.
> 
> >Have several very old dresses from grandmother in
> beautiful condition.
> 
> >Tired of cleaning yourself?  Let me do it.
> 
> >20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to
> pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and
> bottled by us last year.
> 
> >Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
> 
> >Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
> 
> >If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the
> Pere Lachasis Cemetery.  It boasts such immortals as Moliere,
> Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
> 
> >Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the
> Serena Lodge.  Swim in the lovely pool while you drink
> it all in.
> 
> >The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts,
> comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
> 
> >Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
> 
> >Toaster: A gift that every member of the family
> appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
> 
> >Sheer stockings.  Designed for fancy dress, but so
> serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
> 
> >Stock up and save.  Limit: one.
> 
> >Save regularly in our bank.  You'll never reget it.
> 
> >We build bodies that last a lifetime.
> 
> >Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last .
> 
> >This is the model home for your future.  It was panned
> by Better Homes and Gardens.
> 
> >For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
> 
> >For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
> 
> >Man, honest.  Will take anything.
> 
> >Wanted: chambermaid in rectory.  Love in, $200 a month.
>  References required.
> 
> >Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in
> sandwich shop.
> 
> >Man wanted to work in dynamite factory.  Must be
> willing to travel.
> 
> >Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated?  Come here
> first!
> 
> >Christmans tag-sale.  Handmade gifts for the
> hard-to-find person.
> 
> >Modular Sofas.  Only $299.  For rest or fore play.
> 
> >Wanted: Hair-cutter.  Excellent growth potential.
> 
> >Wanted.  Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or
> drink.
> 
> >3-year-old teacher need for pre-school.  Experience
> preferred.
> 
> >Our experienced Mom will care for your child.  Fenced
> yard, meals, and smacks included.
> 
> >Our bikinis are exciting.  They are simply the tops.
> 
> >Auto Repair Service.  Free pick-up and delivery.  Try
> us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
> 
> >See ladies blouses.  50% off!
> 
> >Holcross pullets.  Starting to lay Betty Clayton,
> Granite 5-6204.
> 
> >Wanted: Preparer of food.  Must be dependable, like the
> food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
> 
> >Illiterate?  Write today for free help.
> 
> >Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head
> illusion.  Blue Cross and salary.
> 
> >Wanted.  Widower with school-age children requires
> person to assume general housekeeping duties.  Must be
> capable of contributing to growth of family.
> 
> >Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round
> bottom for efficient beating.
> 
> >Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.
> 
> >Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
> 
> >And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched
> in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
> 
> >We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in
> your home for $1.00.
> 
> 
>         >   And these beauties from the radio:
> 
> >Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a
>  ridiculous figure.
> 
> >Be with us again next Saturday at 10 p.m. for "High
>  Fidelity," designed to help music lovers increase their
>  reproduction.
> 
> >When you are thirsty, try 7-Up,the refreshing drink in
>  the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.
> 
> >Tune in next week for another series of classical music
>  programs from the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.
>
>

    The typesetting of Digital's 'Open Advantage' advertising can be 
    misunderstood in France.
    
    The O is rather indistinct, as it frames a picture.  This leaves the 
    'pen' standing out.
    
    So what?
    
    Jean-Marie Le Pen is a politician of the EXTREME right wing, whose 
    current publicity campaign is running the slogan "LE PEN VITE" (Le 
    Pen quickly).
    
    Thus Digital's advertising could be misread as 'Pen advantage' :-)
    
    Nick

    I dunno just who's backfiring, here, but apparently some visitors to
    the "Dinosaurs Live!" exhibit at the Memphis Zoo became a trifle irate
    when they learned that the dinosaurs weren't _really_ alive after
    all, and demanded their money back... [I guess "Dinosaurs That Look
    Almost Like They're Alive!" doesn't have the same ring to it. ;-)]
    
    -b

    G'day,
    
     Perhaps itshould have been pointed out that it said 'Dinosaurs Live',
    and not 'Dinosaurs Live'
    
    
    
    derek

    "Dinosaurs Dead"

    Given that Ronald Raygun was convinced that "Star Wars" was
    a historical movie, I would expect that when the Dinosaur cloning
    movie being filmed on Hawaii, "Jurassic Park", comes out, our
    government will start paying people who claim they were attacked
    by vagrant Pterodactyls...

    I've been taxed by vagrant Pterodactyls...

    This one was on the news, rather than an advertisement, but since it
    smacked of the same sort of "fear of liability" that many ads do these
    days, I thought I'd contribute it.
    
    Seems there's this recent medical study proving that male-pattern
    baldness in men correlates to a higher incidence of heart disease.
    (Something to do with high testosterone levels, if that's any comfort.)
    Anyway, at the end of this report, the anchorman said, "We do want to
    point out that this study does not mean that baldness _causes_ heart
    disease, and we add that hair-replacement techniques or other
    treatments of baldness will not cure or prevent heart disease."
    
    What scares me is that there may well be people out there who _needed_
    to be told that. I can see the hair-weave sales skyrocketing...
    
    -b

    
    In the absence of any data, it was probably wrong for them to state
    categorically that "hair-replacement techniques or other
    treatments of baldness will not cure or prevent heart disease."
    
    For all we know, it could be that the heart has to work harder to keep
    those less-well-insulated heads warm, and that a hair weave might
    help.
    
    JP

    Or that people worry so much about losing their hair that they get
    heart diseases...
    
    ed

    This has been dormant awhile. There must be new examples.
    
    An insurance company is advertising on the radio .... " many people
    pay far too much for car insurance - particularly those over thirty.
    That is why at XXX Insurance we only insure drivers over thirty."
    
    Great business philosophy!
    
    Another advert, for a hearing aid, reads "SPECIAL PENSIONER HEARING AID"
    - left me imagining that you put a pensioner in your ear to improve
    hearing ("Eh? What did he say, dear?")
    
    Any current pearls you know of?
    
    Steve

  This always bring to mind the ads for a particular savings institution,
  back when the interest rates made them attractive, that had as a footnote
  to their advertisement, "Significant loss of interest for early withdrawal."

  But this is a family conference.

    I always tell that story as if it were true of a Massachusetts bank
    that used to exist (and still may for all I know) that had the
    unfortunate luck to have that slogan in force when the first two
    letters fell off its neon advertisement...  ESSEX BANK...
    
    But this is, as you so astutely point out, a family conference.  Heaven
    forfend!
    

    G'day,
     Woolworths, downunder, had a brief instruction on their plastic
    carrier bags for a while...
    
    
    'Use for litter'.
    
    
    derek
    

    I saw a television commercial tonight for Kraft macaroni and cheese
    that boasted, "it's the cheesiest!"

Lew Lasher

    I'm pretty sure I've seen an advert for a company called "Spartan
    Holidays"...               :-)
    
    
    
    
    ("lacking comfort, austere" sez my dictionary)
    
    Dave
    

    	That may depend on your idea of a holiday. My uncle and his new
    wife spent their honeymoon hitch-hiking from the southern tip of India
    (they got married in Australia) to England. I have been sent brochures
    offering organised Himalayan holidays in Nepal where it specifically
    states that you are expected to pitch your own tent for the night.

[This was sent to me by Lew Lasher, distinguished JOYOFLEX alumnus
and ex-DECcie.]

I heard a radio ad (advert/commercial) for a gas (petrol) additive whose
not-very-well-thought-out slogan was "Pour in Performance."

Lew

Don't know if this slogan has "backfired", but it is catchy.

Vacuum World where business really sucks

Mikey

    e.g.,
    
    "Spatula City -- you'll flip!"
    

    Non -GB readers start here: there's a current campaign with the slogan
    `The car in front is a Toyota'
    
    There's a note somewhere that points out that A TOYOTA is not only a
    palindrome but a palindrome with letters that are symmetrical about a
    vertical axis. The other day, seeing an ambulance's ECNALUBMA in my
    rear-view mirror, I had the suspicion that the ad-man who first thought
    up the Toyota slogan might have coined it in the form
    			THE CAR BEHIND IS A TOYOTA
    (because that's the way it looks in a rear-view mirror).
    
    Or maybe the guy who suggested the `behind' version was fired (well
    it wouldn't please the cliant much) but the phrase spawned the more
    up-beat version.
    
    b

    of course, it is especially apprpriate to discuss palindromes today.
    
    ed

>    of course, it is especially apprpriate to discuss palindromes today.

In the USA, that is. In my case, 5th of september is more appropriate.

    Also in an approximation of SI if one truncates the year (a practice
    which, as well known, will lead to the downfall of civilization and
    computers in less than 5 years).  95.5.9
    
    -- Norman Diamond