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Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Title:What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'?
Notice:Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS
Moderator:ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI
Created:Fri May 09 1986
Last Modified:Wed Jun 26 1996
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1327
Total number of notes:28298

545.0. "Help for the Newly Divorced??" by SALEM::JWILSON () Thu Jul 21 1988 18:31

    Please help me with the following personal project:
    
    (I am new to this notes file, so if the answers to some of my questions
    may be found elsewher, please bear with me.)
    
    Do any of you know of any Wholistic advisory services for newly
    divorced or separated men and (especially) women?  By this, I'm
    not just talking about the emotional aspects, but those as well
    as the very real life-adjustment aspects (Financial changes, entering
    or reentering the job market, "Will I have to sell the house," etc.).
    
    From what I've seen, there is a real need for this kind of service,
    and I have not seen it offered (at least in the Nashua, NH area).
    Most women I've talked to have been completely unprepared to go
    off on their own.  They have typically lived in a male-dominated
    environment where all major decisions were made by their father
    or their husband.  They then find themselves on their own, not quite
    knowing how to piece everything back together.  Hopefully, the younger
    generations may be better prepared than the older, but ???
    
    Any information you could give me in this regard would be appreciated,
    especially regarding the types of services/contacts that would be
    most helpful.  (Anything you do not wish to share you may send me
    via VAXmail.)
    
    Thanks in advance for your help!
    
    Jack
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545.1Wrong file....SALEM::AMARTINMy AHDEDAHZZ REmix, by uLtRaVeRsEFri Jul 22 1988 03:384
    No offense Jack, but I think that you should ask this in WOmannotes-v2.
    
    I'd do the kepad 7 stuff but am at the moment unable to remember
    how.          
545.2Here is fine...QUARK::LIONELMay you live in interesting timesFri Jul 22 1988 04:2713
    I think it belongs here just fine.  Both men and women could use
    help adjusting to divorce - I know I certainly did.  I went to
    a counselor for six months, but I can also see some people needing
    other kind of help if they are not used to relying on themselves.
    
    It would not surprise me to hear of numerous support groups for
    women, but none for men.  Perhaps some of our readers can offer
    more direct knowledge.
    
    If you want to persue the WOMANNOTES conference, it is
    RAINBO::WOMANNOTES-V2.  You can press KP7 now to add it to your
    notebook.
    				Steve
545.3Clarification on this end...SALEM::AMARTINMy AHDEDAHZZ REmix, by uLtRaVeRsEFri Jul 22 1988 04:346
    I agree with you steve, but if you look at the text you will see
    that this person is looking for help "primarily" for women.  I was
    not downing the text (although it apeared as such) i was mearly
    stating that if this person is looking for help (woman) then he
    would have no trouble finding it in womannotes.  Sorry if it looked
    bad.
545.4You're Both right!SALEM::JWILSONFri Jul 22 1988 12:1612
    RE: .1 and .3 (A. Martin), Thanks for the advice.  I believe I will
    add a copy of this note to the Womannotes File.
    
    RE: .2 (Steve), And thank You!  I agree, it does belong here.  And
    yes, I am interested in the same services for men.  As you pointed
    out, I just see a greater need on behalf of women, who are typically
    not as well prepared as men to deal with (especially) many of the
    practical aspects of divorce.
    
    Thank you both, again.
    
    Jack
545.5There's always the YTLE::RANDALLI feel a novel coming onFri Jul 22 1988 13:334
    The Nashua YWCA offers a support group for divorced women that
    includes many of the topics you mentioned. 
    
    --bonnie
545.6Life skills - shouldn't they be taught earlier?16BITS::AITELEvery little breeze....Fri Jul 22 1988 15:2717
    As do the community colleges.  I've seen innumerable courses
    on women reentering the workforce, as well as investing minicourses
    etc.  
    
    Self-sufficiency is something we fail to teach kids.  How many
    of us got info from our parents, as we were growing up, on how
    to "turn on" an apartment or house?  Things like how to get phones
    and utilities connected, what needs inspecting, even how to get
    the old occupant's mail discontinued!  And things like money and
    investing were left to the imagination!  As our society gets more
    and more complex, we leave kids more and more at the mercy of their
    own wits.  It's a good way to assure they don't forget lessons once
    learned, but it also assures they spend a lot of time and energy
    learning lessons they should have been taught at age 14.  (although
    it's another matter to teach a 14-year-old ANYthing!)
    
    --Louise
545.7Churches?CSC32::DELKERSat Jul 23 1988 00:277
    In Oklahoma and here in Colorado, churches periodically held
    divorce adjustment seminars.  They were generally advertised
    in the paper; I don't know the content, however.  I adjusted
    from mine quite easily, and haven't attended.  There is probably
    something similar in the east, as well.
    
    Paula
545.8choices...NEXUS::M_MACKEYMusic is the soul's own speechSat Jul 23 1988 02:2747
    There are a couple of options, already mentioned, that I have heard
    of in Colorado and probably exist in other states as well....
    
    The Colorado Springs extension of the University of Colorado has
    a women's center where they assist women in exploring the possibilities
    of career, schooling, etc.  There also is a center in one of the
    hospitals where they conduct similar services....  They may have the same
    services offered for men, I don't know.   There is, also, an
    organization that deals specifically with "displaced homemakers/women"
    They offer basically the same services mentioned above.  Many of
    these organizations also provide information as to how financing
    can be obtained for schooling if that is applicable. 
                                                              
    Another service that is provided here, and probably elsewhere, is
    the Partnership Act - JTPA  (Junior Training Partnership Act) which
    offers qualified individuals, men and women alike, the opportunity
    to be placed in a position they are *good* at/experienced in.  They
    place you in an apprentice type position.  The individual is offered
    a gasoline allowance for getting to and from work and in certain
    circumstances, a clothing allowance if the need is apparent 
    (professionalism).  Qualifications are based on income.  It is in
    the phone book, here, under city government listings.
    
    Another agency, that is not frequently publicized, is affiliated
    with social services.  It's called Title 20.  This service provides
    for daycare expenses when the parent/parents can't afford to.
    Situations such as low-income or being a full-time student persuing
    a *marketable* degree (computers, business, etc.)  Again, this is based
    on income and need (# of children requiring daycare).  
    
    Between these and numerous other services provided it is possible
    to come out of an adverse situation without *drowning* completely.
    Sometimes it is necessary to *bow* to our pride and seek *public
    assistance* in order to allow our family to survive.  It may not
    be our first choice but it may be necessary for a while until better
    opportunities come along.
    
    I think part of the answer is, as you are doing, seeking information
    from other sources.  Call around in your area and find out what
    is available and what the qualifications are.  Ask them if they
    can refer you to other sources as well....   The JTPA probably can
    provide specific groups for men that I, as a woman, am not aware
    of.
    
    Know what your choices are and use them......
    
    Mary Beth